Resentment, compassion and outright hate, all emotions I struggle with.
At the end of the day does compassion win? Not yet. Still feel so much pain and am trying very hard to move forward emotionally.
Still slings and arrows from her about anything I say or do. The constant eye rolling, hard sighs, and so many other signals of contempt it is hard to deal with. So, I just sit there and let them wash over me. I wear my Harry Potter cloak of invincibility around me.
Acceptance - check, Resentment - still there Frustration, still there Anger, still there
Work the process, work the plan, stay ahead of it.
I realize today that she is at the beach with her GF. I have the kids this week so I will enjoy them to the best of my ability.
It seems she enjoys inflicting cruetly towards me. I just have to stand up and get off the floor and learn how to navigate this pain, betryal and feelings of loss. This person who she is now is not the person I knew and loved for 20 years and had two kids with. That is the hardest part. The rejection of the life we worked so hard to build for all of us.
It is unbelievable to listen to her lie about where she is and what she is doing to our kids. THey cried for her last night and all I could do was just read them a story and and run their back. Distraction was the name of the game.
Just wow.
Just waiting on paperwork now - at this point I wish it would hurry up. I am ready to do this.
Stay open Heavy. Keep your heart open in spite of the [censored] that's being thrown at you. It is the highest form of revenge and will serve you long beyond the conclusion of your situation.
Your W sounds like she is still bypassing her own enormous pain by being unkind to you. See that for what it is - her screaming out in the only way that she can - with meanness.
Sending you love and strength.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
We were at D6's soccer game yesterday, she brough 2 friends who were mutual so I was outnumbered, and was a jabber fest of laughing and yukcing it up with everyone and cheering wildly at the game. She revels in her new friends, independance and life as if I were holding her down in some way previously.
I just sat there in my chair and gave my dD6 my undivided atention, water when she needed it, etc... I did not interact with the W. I did get a friend to take a photo of me and the D6 and when I saw the photo, I saw that W had photobombed it with a ridiculous face. She was behind me.
So bizarre and I am dealing with a spoiled child here. Oh well, stay the course and stay above the fray will be my mantra.
Unhappy with all partners - Never emotionally connected enought for her" Her last partner was always gone in he evenings, usually hanging out at the Waffle House.
I was home every night except business trip every now and then. still "I was not "there for her emotionally".
Crud.
Enough about her and her issues.
Me - sleep over Sunday for Son 10 Me - Girl Scout meeting - Saturday Me - G6 Soccer game - we won! Me - friend for visit and play date with D6 Me - yard work Me - work on house Me - professional women's nework Saturday - met lots of women who are pofesionals - a good mixer.
I need to do more things with other people - that is a critical part of my GAL I think.
I do my thing with them, pick up., drop off's homework, meals, clothes washed, shopping just normal stuff.
Guess who has been at school this week in the mornings before the bell rings - yep. Urgh. I just do my usual, I volunteered to clean the classroom today for D6. Wife hangs around playground and tells kids how much she misses them etc...
On her weeks I DON'T DO THIS. I don't want to confuse or upset the kids. I guess there is nothing else I can do but ignore it. She still calls many many times during the day. Most of the time I let it go to VM. She see's them a lot during the week, soccer practice, soccer games, now she is showing up at school in the mornings at drop off's.
Please tell me when this gets better and when she just backs off. Or is it something I just have to live with. We only nod at each other and then go to different parts of the school.
Is being silent a bad thing? In my mind saying nothing is better than saying something bad. So, I don't say anything. I sincerly do not want to get into an argument, get sucked into any drama, none of that. So, again, I am just silent or just the perfuntory yes or no. Anything else is fodder to attack.
Is there another strategy that I can employ? I just want to move on, move past this unpleasantness and MOVE ON. Seeing her and being bombareded by constant calls and texts and VM's is getting to me.
I have no idea what she is up to. I do my best to IGNORE her and detach. It's like she is a sticker cling on to my pants leg that I can't shake off. She chose this situation, not me.
