UPDATE: Moving has been the best thing. As hard as last week was, this week has been a 180 so far. I haven't felt this level of detachment and peace since the bomb drop in May. It's day two of absolutely no contact (not even a text or email), and I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I feel a renewed sense of purpose and direction for my life. The pain has seriously abated. I can truly say that if I never see her again, I'll be quite okay. Which doesn't mean I don't hope for reconciliation, but I surely don't want it with the woman she is now. So I'm content to let her take her journey, and to embark on an even better one of my own.
Just wanted to update my friends here, and thank you again for all your support.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Thanks, Kippz. I pray for you and everyone here. Such a difficult journey we're all on.
So, funny thing... WW posted on Facebook this weekend - she's not moving into that sketchy apartment she rehabbed. She and the OW are selling it. Their first "fix and flip." I should have known she never had any intention of moving out of the OW's house. She's too needy, too clingy, too afraid to be alone with herself.
She wrote to me in a way that reeked of self-justification about how enlightened she's becoming, how well she's "moving on," because of her newfound meditation practices and watching "inspirational" Church of Oprah videos. I dismissed it all - you can't possibly grow into a better and more enlightened person while you are in a dysfunctional relationship with a sociopath who poached you from your family. But... whatever. Not my circus.
She wrote to me this morning, after several blissful days of no messages at all, to say she "ended up" with some of my belts and pieces of mail during the move, and how can she get all that to me? I truly believe she's been holding those things "hostage" to force an in-person encounter. I'm not falling for it. She can send all of that to me via our son.
The detachment is real.
She can't stand to be alone. But I've had plenty of time alone the past few months. Painful, excruciating time alone. As much as I hated every minute of it, I also know it's produced good fruits in me - such things always do, even if you're a mess in the middle of it, and make a million mistakes along the way. I'm currently rooming with a dear friend, living around the corner from another dear friend, having moved closer by half the distance to my kids' apartment, and I'm connecting, very slowly, with a new friend who is also relatively fresh out of a relationship. It is NOT a dating situation, but she is someone who, like all of you, has great empathy for my pain, and shares enough common interests that she is helping me to enjoy the things I've neglected in my grief: culture, good books, nature, and a sense of hope for the future.
Since WW is in a crisis and I am standing for our relationship, I know I'm not off the roller coaster forever. But for now, I'm very grateful to be at peace.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Just a quick update: she's revoked all my powers of attorney, and the trust we established should something happen to her. The day she sends this, she out of the blue texts to ask how I'm doing, how the boys are, if the Giants (my favorite team) are having a good season. She hasn't made small talk or inquired about anything besides moving out and moving on in months. Then a mutual friend informs me that she told him also today that she is planning to ask the OW to marry her, that she already has the rings.
It's all enough to make my head spin. And it is kind of spinning. But while my head is spinning, my heart isn't hurting. I'm really detached from the circus, and from her, like never before. The job is going really, really well. I've found a great community of people interested in the same kind of co-housing situations I'm interested in. And in fact, I'm kind of seeing someone who is among them - kind of seeing, companionship and very mild flirting is all, I know how stupid and futile it is to jump into anything any time soon. But I have to admit that it's been like a shot in the arm to know that it's possible someone could be drawn to me, after all the venom she spewed that led me, in my despair and pain, to believe the contrary.
I don't post here much but will look around to give a little encouragement where I can. And will say here... hard to believe when your life crashes in, but it DOES get better. With them, without them, and without knowing which way it might all eventually go.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
You've come such a long way from lying in bed all morning and worrying about whether to burn scented candles on your home alone nights. Sometimes the best way to live life is really to go out and just LIVE LIFE.
I sure have, Azzork. Wouldn't have come this far without the support and occasional slap upside the head here from you and all these good folks. Thank you.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
