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Originally Posted By: wishing, hoping

I wasn't sure if I should confront him on his intentions and get it out in the open or if I should just sit back and let him make a fool of himself, which he will undoubtedly do. My good friend tells me not to engage: that things will work themselves out.

WH


Wishing/Hoping,
I hope you find the answer to this. I would say do not engage either.

its great that NG is supporting and helping you see straight thru this situation.


wife of an addict
M 39 H 39
D18 D 16
Together 19 M17
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I wouldn't engage. He's been telling your kids this stuff so that they will tell you and then you jump on the band wagon and confront him w/the info. He wants you to get bent out of shape and initiate a heated confrontation w/him so that he can say that you are at it again (which we know isn't true).

Leave this miserable man to himself. He's not worth your attention right now. Sit quietly and the answers will reveal themselves.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2678700 05/18/16 11:54 AM
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H all!

Wishing I would have to agree with Job on this one.
BTW- Happy that you are doing so well!!!! Go girl.

Anyhow, it seems that Ex is trying to get you frazzled. Keep doing you and ignore the tantrum ex is throwing.


BombOctober 2012-
OW 11/28/12 -H still denies
Separated 11/29/12
Own place 12/12/12
Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13
Oct 2013 - I knew I was done
Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
BRNR #2678716 05/18/16 01:03 PM
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Look who has posted on this thread! BRNR, how are you? We've missed you!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2678797 05/18/16 06:41 PM
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WH, sorry you find yourself still dealing with the crazy MLCer ... and best wishes on your engagement to NG! Sounds like night and day for you, and well deserved joy.

I too say do not engage, but do expect the behavior to become more outrageous the less you respond.

Keep the faith and focus on what's important: your children and your new life. xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Thanks everyone.

S had a band concert last night. Afterward, NG, his son and I waited in the hallway to congratulate S (it was X's night last night). X and D were also out there and D came over and hugged and kissed me and was talking to me. X just was pacing around looking haggard and just out of place…arm in a sling as well. It was late and we were tired so I went back in the auditorium to see if I could find S. I did and he came out to say hi and give hugs. As we were leaving, NG told me as soon as I went back into the auditorium, X followed me. NG said he was practically tailing me. I had no idea he followed me in there. Weird. NG asked me if X talked to me and I said no, I saw S and told him to come out to say goodbye. NG said X just followed me in like a lost puppy. Really? UGH!

So the guy is just crazy. And seems to be getting crazier!!! He even looks crazier. Arm in a sling, unshaven, look of panic in the eyes...ugh. And I married this guy?

You all are correct. I will not engage. I will just give it to God and see how it plays out.

And thanks for all the congrats!

WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
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WH,
Thanks for your updates - good to hear about your new relationship.
Sad to hear that X is still trying to re-insert himself in your life.

I like the idea of 'distraction' to describe what he's doing.
It fits my current bout of XH re-appearance in my life (trying to drag me back into a court dispute about unpaid child support - after 5 years!).

How awful to be the mlc-er, living your life in this 'stuck' position.

Sending positive thoughts to you and your kids!

NLW #2679921 05/23/16 07:43 AM
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Hi NLW

Good to hear from you. Hope you and kids are well. : )

Yes, X has never stopped trying to re-insert himself into my life. I think the phrase "doesn't want me but doesn't want anyone else to have me" fits well. My mom told me from the day my divorce was final that he will never ever leave me alone. I am the only stability he's ever known and the only constant in his life. Makes me kind of sick to be honest with you.

They don't want us to move on and be happy. They want to keep us stuck as well. That's our prize in this and why we are ultimately the winners in this situation. Even though it doesn't feel like it.

Take care and hang on.

WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
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Your mother is right...I was told the same thing a long time by an elderly lady. Some will never let go and will be a PITA for the rest of their lives and the only way we get rid of them is 6 feet under.

Continue moving forward...your present and future life are far better than the past one.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2685337 06/13/16 10:52 AM
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Another update:

As stated before, S told me X wanted to take me back to court to get kids on Sunday nights because as you all know I "screwed him" over in court.

X talked to S again last night to see if S had talked to me about this proposition. (So much for X having the guts to talk to me about this). S told X I was not happy and downright angry about it. X tells S that I have no right to be angry. He also told S he had no choice but to let me have the kids on Sunday nights because otherwise he would have been forced to enter into bankruptcy (insert huge eye roll here).

S told X, "Dad, I don't know why you are so hell bound to keep us for another 2-3 hours when all we are going to do is go to bed. Honestly, dad, I want to be with mom." X went on to tell S then I would take his dad back to court and get more child support and he just couldn't afford that and blah blah blah. S told his dad he didn't care, he was staying with me. X then goes on to tell S that his sister (my D) wanted to stay with him on Sundays. S just tells X then D can stay with you, but I'm going with mom.

I asked D later if she really wanted to stay at her dad's house on Sundays or if she wanted to come back home to me. She said "mom, I don't want to be at dads at all".

Since BD I have been absolutely terrified that I would end up losing my kids. For the first time since that day I feel I have absolutely nothing to worry about. He may try, but his attempts will be futile. I think I have come out on top.

So things may look bleak at the moment, but try to look into the distance. Stay true to yourself and keep smiling. Never let yourself get dragged into the trenches with the MLCer. Four years and counting and I have regretting nothing. Stay strong.

Peace!
WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
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