V is for Vanilla 21

[Vanilla]

Sunny I am busy googling this blood sugar stuff

Joe, great to have you posting, I breathed easier when I read your thread.

V

[Dawn70]

Hi V! Just wanted to pop over to your new thread and say hello and catch up on what is happening with you. Continuing to send happy and positive thoughts your way along with tail wags from the Molly girl.

[Karma12]

Hi V...Dont set yourself up for failure by expecting too much too soon. Start by walking..moving..eating healthier food. Have a cheat day once a week. Enjoy your wine....lol I think I workout just to allow my wine. If you run or walk at a consistent pace it really helps get the stress out of your body. The diabetic diet is the way we all should eat. You can do this V. Be the V you want to be. I'm here cheering for you.

Looking forward to being on UK soil. I will be in touch when I am so we can tip a glass together,

Hugs my good friend

Karma

[Zelda09]

Hello my dear V!

Love your lighthouse dream. What do you make of it? Seems literally like building out of hopes and dreams and rose colored glasses?

I know everyone is offering their advice on the blood sugar bits - it can get so complicated. An easy rule of thumb to keep the full feeling and avoid spikes - whether snack or meal, there must be some balance between fat, protein, carb. Fat has been unfairly disparaged, it is really miraculous, and important those good fats. I don't exercise more than 2-3 times a week(shame on me) but I've been able to stay at college weight I believe bc it's a liberal part of my diet. Keeping the balance also allows me to skip meals when I'm not hungry. PBS did a great documentary on the benefits of 2/5 fasting not only for weight, bloods, but brain cells!

Thinking of you, V.

[Vanilla]

Thank you Dawn, I visit your threads to see if you have posted. Big hugs to Molly and an extra treat from V, she needs energy for her tail.

Karma, my type 2 diabetes is out of whack, I have managed well for years, but my body is unsettled and my Cortisol is off the charts, so much so I was tested for addisons. Which I don't have, didn't think I did. Karma, the diet I have discovered is low Fructose not low carb. There are interesting studies on fructose and it's effects on the body, including its biochemistry. Mind blowing stuff, but in essence a diabetic diet is close to the diet of the early 20 century as possible. Cooking with ingredients and eating the whole fruit rather than juice from packets. Concentrates and processed foods go. Exercise is something I have done all my life until now, my frantic need for my business has put that on the back burner. No longer.

Sunny, I researched the Zuchinni (courgettes for us Brits) ribbons and found some scrummy Yummie recipes. Thank you for the tip on that.

Seems like modern tomatoes have been developed to be sweeter, but beefsteak tomatoes are ok, along with plum and old fashioned varieties. Apples too and I have two wonderful 125 year old apple trees at the big house with fabulous apples most years. These are good to go. I understand the program a little better. I have also been looking at fresh juicing and of course smoothie making (blending rather than juicing). I may invest in a juicer.

Karma, I understand that after the first phase I am allowed wine, a small glass per day but the fructose, (not the alcohol) is the issue, so going alcohol free doesn't work. All of this is in the 'pack'. I researched all sorts of stuff until I (accidentally) found the link to the program web site, and posted a couple of questions. I gather my log in is in the 'pack'. I will ring about my 'pack' on Monday, the secrets of the universe are in it.

Sadly today marks the end of my 5 day rest period, so my learning and posting will sloooooow down. I research the links etc which are offered too. I am back to work tomorrow, so very little posting time available, but I can read up on sitches. I am learning and growing so much as a result of the wonderful online travellers here.

Z, my generous hearted DB friend, I think of you often and have faith that the process will work to bring you safe to harbour. I promise a lighthouse made of stone.

I think my marshmallow lighthouse is because I saw my orange Wednesday's friend granddaughter put marshmallows in her hot chocolate and they melted. So I assess that my subconscious wants me to be the lighthouse but knows at the first sign of a storm the lighthouse will dissolve. I also went live classical music GAL and the house where it was held had turrets which in the evening light looked like they were made of pink marshmellow blocks. I was rushing to get the lighthouse completed too before the storm, which made little difference to the end result. I guess it says I don't want to be the lighthouse, which really is no surprise at all!

V

[Vanilla]

I learned a lot from Cadet pointing out my double negatives. It set me looking for some thoughts on language and how we process it, mainly because it took me a while to see the mistake on the double negative. I downloaded some books to my kindle app on it. I have always been aware of the Pink Elephant concept. There is much to read up on.:

How we process negatives or otherwise don't. That the mind sees negatives as mandates

How we use must, should, ought and others from our super ego, and the resistance that causes and how it is better to use more flexible words such as ,could' 'can' 'will' 'may' and of course my very favourite 'choose'

Depersonalisation in the use of nicknames, my WH called me 'darlin.'

Soothers, breaks and interrupts.

Suggestibles, and neg statements, seducers

There is lot to know, especially on advertising and marketing effects and it's impact on the mind. Come in handy for debunking my thoughts on food.

This is going to be a great adventure.

Thank you Cadet.........

V

[asitis]

Slowing down on here for a bit is probably a good idea from time to time.

Not surprised by your high cortisol levels. Stress, feelings of shame, worries about health, are all good triggers for cortisol. It is one of those nasty things that turns into a positive (positive in that it is additive, not that it is a good thing) feedback loop. These lead to higher cortisol. Higher cortisol makes you feel bad, lose energy, not get as much done, and impacts your health. All of which turn around and cause more stress & shame, which leads to more cortisol secretion, and so on.

Exercise, meditation, yoga, and pampering (massages, sauna, hot tub - although you need to be careful on the last 2 if your diabetes is causing circulation issues) all help, & exercise will help with the diabetes. Perhaps a break from media & a break from talking about your sitch & being reminded of it by reading about others for a few days every so often.

Have any girlfriends you could take a relaxing & fun weekend away with every once in a while?

[Pyrite]

Hey V,

just stopping by.

My MIL, in her poor English, always uses "should" - which comes across very condescending and frustrating. I understand that she doesn't have a good grasp of English, but smotimes you can tell in context that she actually means "should". very frustrating.

Have you noticed that it has now become coomonplace for people to begin their sentences with "So, .....". I think it is indicative of where we are now as a society and communication. The pace/urgency of correspondence.

I find it amusing that a colleague actually writes "So,...." in her email correspondence as well.

I am guilty of sentences that take the form "this ....., BUT, ..... that ....". This is a result of scientific writing now infiltrating my posting here, where very little does not have an alternative (NB. the order of negatives, punitive here ).

My dreaming (at least recollected) has slowed down to a halt. At one stage I was waking up, remembering the dream, and amazed at how I was so obviously, although still abstractly, putting things into order. Just what we are supposed to be doing right.

Good luck with your health/fitness regime

[PigPen]

Hi V,

Loved your post on the use of words, they are so powerful and we use them so unconsciously. I'm guilty of starting a lot of my sentences with "So, " in the written form.

How is your health. You got a lot of advice on the dietary front, please do what works best for you. Diet is extremely individualized and what works for some will land others in trouble.

Thinking warm thoughts about you, your health, and your well being.

Big hug,

PP

[Vanilla]

As. Py and PP

Thank you for posting. At the moment I am limiting my time on the board as I concentrate on health and business. Once I am in the swing of my new regime I can begin to post a little more again.

I find I often need to do quite a bit of mental work before I post so it's demanding for me, although I think very good for my self development. I am fascinated at the moment by the language aspects of that which we say. It's a new area of study I shall be following through. I shall probably read more than I post for a while, my thinking is developing a little. I sense a period of consolidation and repair coming.

It's funny how personal growth seems to come in spurts.

Diet and particularly sugar metabolism is my current investigation, in depth. I spent some time looking at 'plastic' fats so called trans fats and related molecules. That was a couple of years ago and as a result I switched to coconut oil and butter. I use homemade humus instead of spreads now.

I need work, rest and play!

No news on the WH front, the longer we have NC the calmer my life, it's going back a little and also moving forward. I just want WH to stay away forever and I am going to do all in my power for that to be my reality. I wish him well, I want the best for him.

Z, if you are reading my thread, I have been thinking of the difference between our WH , and they are not so different. I think it is our perceptions which are different. I remember the bad memories, the trauma as bigger and more vivid than the cute, funny, attractive vulnerable WH that I thought I was marrying. His image as an abuser stands to block the other. You write as if you see only your WH face and not him as a whole, that sweet face is close to you, I wonder if you morphed that image in your mind into the dupers delight with cold eyes and as it approaches project it backwards, I need to think this through but I think WH feels close to you.

I decided to push the image of WH away from me, and the sound of his voice. I don't want him in my life so I mentally push his image away and I no longer listen to his voice in my mind. I have turned his volume down. I often sit with my music in my garden with the headphones on and when I take the headphones off I still see the tv but the music is silent, the players are like fish opening their mouths without words. All I hear are my own thoughts and the birds singing together with the general domestic sounds and the countryside around me. I no longer hear WH ranting, spewing and accusing.

I have literally 'pushed' his image away, by walking through the pain I have left him behind. That WH is stuck in his world and mine has moved forward. His eyes are dead and unsmiling, like the walking dead in my mind he is disintegrating. Even a juicy fat maggot is too nice for WH.

I dreamed I saw WH in a coffin, but the lid was going on and I couldnt see if it was he. I remember thinking this is a charade WH is fooling everyone, he isn't dead, he's just waiting to return. I guess that's my mind telling me to be on guard, I don't want to live my life on guard so that's my next job to stop hyper vigilance.

Am I sad? Yes, still sad, and I have much repair work.

Dawn I am running along that road to greet you and deciding walk awhile chatting in the sun, linking arms sharing confidences and having Molly joyously bouncing.

My mind is rested, I consider I had a lucky escape, my abuser has no interest in spending the effort to penetrate the boundaries I have put in place. And my breeze block tactic (a development of grey stone) which builds a dull wall behind me is working for me.

Peace for every one of us today

V