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Originally Posted by kml
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I'm completely open to a romantic relationship but really don't see getting married again. I'm just too set in my ways, and like my space, LOL!


Me too! Current boyfriend lives with me but only because he was diagnosed with lung cancer 3 months after we met. Not sure I would make the choice in the future to have another boyfriend live with me - I like having my own space. And I definitely do not want to be financially entangled with someone else.

Yep, KML beat me to saying, I agree, me too!, to the never married again comment. Not sure if Iíd let someone live with me or not. Iím kinda thinking no but since Iíve not lived with someone in close to 15 years, itís hard to say for sure - as thoughts change over time. I just donít see the marriage thought changing. Sadly, most women I meet still Hope, sometimes even secretly, to find her Prince Charming, soulmate, love of her life to marry again - then will want to be single some years down the road, leave and file for D.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
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Originally Posted by kml
Me too! Current boyfriend lives with me but only because he was diagnosed with lung cancer 3 months after we met. Not sure I would make the choice in the future to have another boyfriend live with me - I like having my own space. And I definitely do not want to be financially entangled with someone else.


Wow! Well you are a saint for letting him move in! My XGF had been given a non-renewal notice on her apt. and didn't know until the day before her lease was set to expire, she waited that long to renew it (eye roll). So I let her move in temporarily, and oh my was that ever a disaster. I remember driving home from work each day and actually hoping I would not see her car in the driveway so that I could get 5 minutes of peace! But nope, there it would be. Every... single... day. She wasn't working at the time so she was there around the clock. Things finally came to a head when she started a fight with me one evening and ran into the kitchen and grabbed a knife, took it into the living room where I was and cut herself. I didn't say a word, just got my phone out to call the police. Long story short she talked me out of it but I made it clear to her that she needed to move out, and she did. You learn things about people living with them that you would never know otherwise, and a lot of times it's not good stuff!

Originally Posted by DonH
Yep, KML beat me to saying, I agree, me too!, to the never married again comment. Not sure if Iíd let someone live with me or not. Iím kinda thinking no but since Iíve not lived with someone in close to 15 years, itís hard to say for sure - as thoughts change over time. I just donít see the marriage thought changing.


I don't either but who knows. I don't completely close the book on the possibility, but it seems pretty unlikely. My XGF always felt a little bit like an invader in my "family", like she didn't belong. I remember feeling like that about the women my dad dated (and two that he married after my mom). It was all just a little weird and awkward. I don't want to subject my kids to that or to a bunch of estate headaches by introducing someone new into the picture. Man I'm really talking myself out of it, hahaha!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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I remember feeling like that about the women my dad dated (and two that he married after my mom). It was all just a little weird and awkward. I don't want to subject my kids to that


I won't be able to marry again due to alimony and probably won't even be able to live with anyone either. I might change my mind later yes but at the moment any man I get involved with will never meet my kids. I just can't do it to them so surely there when I'm ready there will be some 60 year old man who just wants something fun without having to merge families. I will be upfront about it too. If you're looking for Mrs. Right I'm not her.

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The previously mentioned cracked tooth ended up requiring a root canal and crown. Got that done yesterday. I had a couple of really traumatic experiences with the dentist when I was a kid so to this day it really stresses me out getting work done. It all went fairly smoothly though.

Nothing happening in my love life, LOL! XGF decided to start a fight over nothing which only served to remind me why I quit seeing her. What started out as a small disagreement over text escalated into her telling me everything I ever did "wrong" (most of which was her own twisted interpretations of what really happened) which has become a repeating theme with her. I have no idea why she even reaches out to me when it always ends up like this, maybe she just wants a punching bag. I did some listening and validating and eventually when it was clear that it wasn't helping I just told her to please stop, I was done with the convo. Then I muted her. That was Monday, haven't talked since. I fully expect to get a message in a few days acting like nothing happened. I'm very close to blocking her, the only reason I haven't is I have some of her stuff still.

Work is busy, working out is still going well, no injuries for a while which is a nice change. Kids are all doing well. XW was pinging me on a regular basis but has gone mostly quiet again, which is fine by me. A friend was asking how I was doing and I summed up the last month for him- my dad died, I buried him, I went through his personal belongings, I broke up with my GF, I cracked the heck out of a tooth, a guy at work retired and I inherited all his projects that he's been neglecting for months. He was like "oh man you must be really down" but I'm not! I actually am feeling pretty good despite all the bad stuff happening. I really don't know why. I guess it's after going through BD, S and D and the incredible hurt and pain, and surviving it and even thriving again, that these other things seem fairly minor by comparison. I'm happy inside and no one and nothing can take that away (hopefully!)

Originally Posted by kas99
I just can't do it to them so surely there when I'm ready there will be some 60 year old man who just wants something fun without having to merge families. I will be upfront about it too. If you're looking for Mrs. Right I'm not her.


Whatever works for you is what I say! Who says you have to settle in and get married again. By the way I am always Mr. (w)Right because it's my last name grin


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Hey everyone, wow it's been over a year since I posted to this thread! Yesterday was my 60th birthday, also marking 10 years since BD. Just an update on life in general, my son just graduated high school, wow! He is our youngest so our kids are all officially adults now! My middle daughter graduated from Texas A&M (my alma mater) a few years ago and after working a while finally got into physician's assistant school last year. She has completed her first of two years. My older daughter who also graduated from A&M has gone back to school at SMU to prepare for a different career.

My relationship with XW continues to be very positive, at this point there is no anger or resentment of any kind on either side I would say. We have our separate lives but we continue to communicate well and get along great. She still lives around 5 miles away and we get together with the kids for birthdays/ Christmas and just to have dinner now and then. She and the kids have something planned for me for next weekend for my birthday, it's a secret so all they've told me is to block out the weekend. I assume we're going on a trip somewhere but I really don't know :-)

I've been dating the same lady on and off for 6 years now, it's been, well "tumultuous", lol! She live almost 2 hours away so we don't see each other very often, lately it's been about once every 6 weeks. It has definitely put a strain on the R. I sometimes slip off my DBing when she does things that trigger me, so I've been trying to come back here more and read just to remind myself of what I should be doing, and it definitely helps! It's ironic that you can spend years offering people advice and then find yourself needing to be refreshed on what that advice is, haha!

My father passed away last year. He was a physical and emotional abuser of my brother and me and our mom and we spent years not speaking after an altercation where he pulled a gun on my brother-in-law and threatened to kill him at a Christmas gathering at my mom's house. A couple of years before he died we did start talking again, and I spoke with him about a week before his death. His health had been poor, he had strokes and a heart attack previously and had open heart surgery and a pacemaker installed. We think he had a heart attack, he lived by himself and after not hearing from him for a while my sister called for a welfare check and they found him on the floor of the bathroom.

I still work as an architect and just a month ago had my 20 year anniversary with my firm, did not realize it until I just now looked it up on my phone! Still living in the same house, our neighborhood has over 300 homes now and I've lived there longer than anyone else (23 years), I'm like that old man in Up, haha! Still working out, still doing ceramic sculpting.

Overall I'm happy, content, maybe a bit set in my ways but it works for me :-)


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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I've been dating the same lady on and off for 6 years now, it's been, well "tumultuous", lol! She live almost 2 hours away so we don't see each other very often, lately it's been about once every 6 weeks. It has definitely put a strain on the R. I sometimes slip off my DBing when she does things that trigger me,


Dude - you're dating her, you're not married to her. Should you really be DBing her? I mean, DB skills can come in handy anywhere, BUT a dating relationship is a time to figure out if the person is for you - NOT a time to try to save a failing relationship. Marriage is different - you've made a commitment, and for many of us, kids were involved. But if your dating partner is tripping your wires all the time and you're having to DB her - maybe she's not the right relationship?

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Nice to hear from you AS! Hope your birthday surprise is a great one!! (((HUG/S)))


Me 53
H 48
B/G Twins 13
SD 21
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

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AnotherStander,

Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Hey everyone, wow it's been over a year since I posted to this thread! Yesterday was my 60th birthday, also marking 10 years since BD.

Happy belated birthday! ...I won't say "happy" BD anniversary?

Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Just an update on life in general, my son just graduated high school, wow! He is our youngest so our kids are all officially adults now! My middle daughter graduated from Texas A&M (my alma mater) a few years ago and after working a while finally got into physician's assistant school last year. She has completed her first of two years. My older daughter who also graduated from A&M has gone back to school at SMU to prepare for a different career.

Great your kids are doing so well academically and professionally. Did they have any major impacts due to the divorce, or are they all fairly well adjusted in that respect?

Originally Posted by AnotherStander
My relationship with XW continues to be very positive, at this point there is no anger or resentment of any kind on either side I would say. We have our separate lives but we continue to communicate well and get along great. She still lives around 5 miles away and we get together with the kids for birthdays/ Christmas and just to have dinner now and then. She and the kids have something planned for me for next weekend for my birthday, it's a secret so all they've told me is to block out the weekend. I assume we're going on a trip somewhere but I really don't know :-)

Glad to hear your relationship with XW is going smoothly. You mentioned in a previous post there were some interesting "signs" awhile back, where she was updating you on her plans and scrapbooked pictures of the two of you. Anything more ever come of it, or were they just one-offs?

Originally Posted by AnotherStander
I've been dating the same lady on and off for 6 years now, it's been, well "tumultuous", lol! She live almost 2 hours away so we don't see each other very often, lately it's been about once every 6 weeks. It has definitely put a strain on the R. I sometimes slip off my DBing when she does things that trigger me, so I've been trying to come back here more and read just to remind myself of what I should be doing, and it definitely helps! It's ironic that you can spend years offering people advice and then find yourself needing to be refreshed on what that advice is, haha!

Hope you're happy with the relationship, but you posted about her saying some pretty hateful stuff to you about your father's passing, and also she pulled a knife and cut herself in front of you at one point? That seems concerning...

Originally Posted by AnotherStander
My father passed away last year. He was a physical and emotional abuser of my brother and me and our mom and we spent years not speaking after an altercation where he pulled a gun on my brother-in-law and threatened to kill him at a Christmas gathering at my mom's house. A couple of years before he died we did start talking again, and I spoke with him about a week before his death. His health had been poor, he had strokes and a heart attack previously and had open heart surgery and a pacemaker installed. We think he had a heart attack, he lived by himself and after not hearing from him for a while my sister called for a welfare check and they found him on the floor of the bathroom.

So sorry about your father passing. Losing a parent must be very difficult, even if you had a troubled relationship.

Originally Posted by AnotherStander
I still work as an architect and just a month ago had my 20 year anniversary with my firm, did not realize it until I just now looked it up on my phone! Still living in the same house, our neighborhood has over 300 homes now and I've lived there longer than anyone else (23 years), I'm like that old man in Up, haha! Still working out, still doing ceramic sculpting.

Any thoughts of requirement, now that you've hit your 60s?

Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Overall I'm happy, content, maybe a bit set in my ways but it works for me :-)

Great to hear! Thanks for giving everyone and update on your sitch, and especially thanks for weighing in on mine and others' sitches. I know your posts helped me, and sense you've helped a lot of people here over the years.


Me:39 Ex-W:36
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:2
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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