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A Message from Michele
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Re: Where I stand? 5 months separated, 1 year BD [Re: ILYNOT] #2597089
08/12/15 03:19 PM
08/12/15 03:19 PM
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Posts: 630
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WhyUs Offline
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Such a tough situation. It feels like a temp check. I would not be surprised if she backed out. I would not recommend bringing it back up. Let her do the foot work and get back to you. You may even reply back that u had something else come up and can't make it.

If she is really interested she will try something else.


Me: 30's W: 30's M: 12yrs
EA: Started 3/2015
MC Started: 4/2015
She moved out and served 6/2015
PA: Confirmed 10/5/2015
2 young kids

"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything."
Re: Where I stand? 5 months separated, 1 year BD [Re: CaliGuy] #2597101
08/12/15 03:41 PM
08/12/15 03:41 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 456
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ILYNOT Offline OP
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ILYNOT  Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: CaliGuy
Originally Posted By: ILYNOT


My question is I already said yes but is she doing it for herself? for me? for us? Am I just a friend? Should I even go?

Sorry so many questions..

She also insinuated she is getting help or doing some kind of counseling she said I just don't feel like sharing with you. I didn't ask anything. Progress? or not?


It does not matter WHY she is doing it ... all you are doing here is living in her head wondering why the coasters are upside down on the table.

You only go if YOU want and you are honest with yourself that you can do so with NO EXPECTATIONS. If you are expecting a "Wow great movie lets be married again" I would refrain from going .... if you can go and act like the HS star QB and you are just having a good time regardless of who is sitting next to you ... then go.

Insinuations ... just that ... do not look into anything till she comes right out and tells you she is seeing an IC, then reply CAREFULLY with validation .... my W shared she was seeing a new IC and I told her "That's Great" only to be slammed with a "I know you think I am all F#6$'d in the head" ... her not feeling like she 'wants to share' is her not trusting you ... so you need to be carefree PMA and approachable
Thank you Caliguy, makes sense. I really want to go, just have this feeling of being used for some reason, but yes PMA act like the HS QB!

Yeah really disappointed she uses those words, that she doesn't have to share anything with me, OUCH... She also said if you want to share anything with me ot up to you but Im not forcing you to, then she asked what did you guys talk about at my counseling... wow..


M35 W33 S14 D12
M14
ILYBNILWY 07/14
BD 7/14
S 5/15

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"
Re: Where I stand? 5 months separated, 1 year BD [Re: WhyUs] #2597102
08/12/15 03:44 PM
08/12/15 03:44 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 456
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ILYNOT Offline OP
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ILYNOT  Offline OP
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Posts: 456
Originally Posted By: WhyUs
Such a tough situation. It feels like a temp check. I would not be surprised if she backed out. I would not recommend bringing it back up. Let her do the foot work and get back to you. You may even reply back that u had something else come up and can't make it.

If she is really interested she will try something else.

That's exactly what I was thinking, TEMP CHECK! Yes im not going to do anything besides sit back and if she has a time and a place fine, Ill go but I am not paying for her. I really don't know what she is thinking to be honest, she is in deep CC debt.


M35 W33 S14 D12
M14
ILYBNILWY 07/14
BD 7/14
S 5/15

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"
Re: Where I stand? 5 months separated, 1 year BD [Re: ILYNOT] #2597237
08/12/15 08:58 PM
08/12/15 08:58 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 414
Godless NW
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bravo61 Offline
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just make sure that you don't bring it up again. let her drive the train. if y'all do go, i would even make a game of it. see if she opens your door for you and then make a joke about it if she doesn't. something like "you invite me to a movie and won't get the door for me? what kind of gentleman are you?" and then smile and laugh. make fun of yourself in front of her. she will a) laugh and b)it'll head her off if she wanted to. just some suggestions. if you do go DO NOT ask if/when y'all will do it again. just say hey thanks for the movie. hope you had a good time & then turn and leave. no lingering hoping for a hug or kiss. just a man on the go. good luck.


M40 XW35
M11 T15
S9 D5
Bomb 6/3/14
Papers del 10/3/14
D final 12/5/14

I wish I could love you and make you believe it
'Cause that's all you ever wanted
From me

Re: Where I stand? 5 months separated, 1 year BD [Re: bravo61] #2597243
08/12/15 09:12 PM
08/12/15 09:12 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 456
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ILYNOT Offline OP
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ILYNOT  Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2015
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Update, Need Vets help here.

She called me yesterday she asked me if I wanted to go watch a certain movie with her, I said yeah, not excited or anything just like "sure", I asked her what time she said "well I didn't know whether you would say yes or no so I hadn't planned it, she said she wants to go see this movie but she didn't want to go see it by herself.

My question is I already said yes but is she doing it for herself? probably temp checking..
for me? I seriously doubt it...
for us? I also seriously doubt it..
Am I just a friend? temp. checking maybe.
Should I even go? yes to be friendly and act AS if, Im with a hot chick at the movies, like a date but no expectations.



She also insinuated she is getting help or doing some kind of counseling she said I just don't feel like sharing with you. I didn't ask anything.

Progress? yes on her part, wether we make it or not, she needs help, we all do to be honest.

or not? yes/maybe?


M35 W33 S14 D12
M14
ILYBNILWY 07/14
BD 7/14
S 5/15

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"
Re: Where I stand? 5 months separated, 1 year BD [Re: bravo61] #2597244
08/12/15 09:13 PM
08/12/15 09:13 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 456
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ILYNOT Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: bravo61
just make sure that you don't bring it up again. let her drive the train. if y'all do go, i would even make a game of it. see if she opens your door for you and then make a joke about it if she doesn't. something like "you invite me to a movie and won't get the door for me? what kind of gentleman are you?" and then smile and laugh. make fun of yourself in front of her. she will a) laugh and b)it'll head her off if she wanted to. just some suggestions. if you do go DO NOT ask if/when y'all will do it again. just say hey thanks for the movie. hope you had a good time & then turn and leave. no lingering hoping for a hug or kiss. just a man on the go. good luck.
THANK YOU! this is gold!


M35 W33 S14 D12
M14
ILYBNILWY 07/14
BD 7/14
S 5/15

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"
Re: Where I stand? 5 months separated, 1 year BD [Re: ILYNOT] #2597246
08/12/15 09:18 PM
08/12/15 09:18 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 103
Colorado
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late30s Offline
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I'm certainly no vet, but I think the big question you should be asking yourself is whether you want to join her or not.

All the rest is going to be mere speculation. (I know because I am guilty of it often!)

Good luck in whatever you decide there. I would say just make sure you have a good time. With or without her.


M: 38 W: 37
T: 20 M: 19
Kids: Stepson?20, S19, S16, D12
BD: 02/19/2015 (She moved out)
PA Confirmed: 02/22/2015 (She is now living with OM)
Dazed and confused: 09/13/2015
Re: Where I stand? 5 months separated, 1 year BD [Re: ILYNOT] #2597272
08/12/15 10:37 PM
08/12/15 10:37 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,523
California US
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CaliGuy Offline
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Originally Posted By: ILYNOT
Update, Need Vets help here.

She called me yesterday she asked me if I wanted to go watch a certain movie with her, I said yeah, not excited or anything just like "sure", I asked her what time she said "well I didn't know whether you would say yes or no so I hadn't planned it, she said she wants to go see this movie but she didn't want to go see it by herself.

My question is I already said yes but is she doing it for herself? probably temp checking..
for me? I seriously doubt it...
for us? I also seriously doubt it..
Am I just a friend? temp. checking maybe.
Should I even go? yes to be friendly and act AS if, Im with a hot chick at the movies, like a date but no expectations. After the movie you say thanks that was fun I enjoyed it and "act as if" you are late to put out a fire in your house or something .... remember YOU end the conversations.



She also insinuated she is getting help or doing some kind of counseling she said I just don't feel like sharing with you. I didn't ask anything.

Progress? yes on her part, wether we make it or not, she needs help, we all do to be honest.

or not? yes/maybe?


Might be a good oppurtunity to flip this .... look up the times that work for you and just TM her in advance "Hey I am going to the 5:30 show at XXX to watch MovieXYZ if you want to check it out with me" End of message ... she meets you there, or you just GAL'd and went to see a movie solo... no expectations either way.

This does not strike me as a temp check, I do not think she asked to see if you would reject her, nor pounce on the offer ... its just mindreading trying to figure out her intentions if there were in fact any at all .... people like movies .. that simple.

Progress? Again .. stay out of her head ... if you try to analyze this small of a step you are setting yourself up, 10 small steps are just that .. small steps ... you have more work to do on yourself and should be spending this analytical energy inward vs guessing what she is all about .... more efficient use of your time and more in your control right?

Last edited by CaliGuy; 08/12/15 10:39 PM.

M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



Re: Where I stand? 5 months separated, 1 year BD [Re: CaliGuy] #2597285
08/12/15 11:16 PM
08/12/15 11:16 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 456
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ILYNOT Offline OP
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ILYNOT  Offline OP
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Yes I'm mind reading here... I should really be acting "as if".

Im not gonna make any plans, if she calls me fine if not then I will just do whatever I have to do that day and not let it get to me either way.

Thank you!


M35 W33 S14 D12
M14
ILYBNILWY 07/14
BD 7/14
S 5/15

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"
Re: Where I stand? 5 months separated, 1 year BD [Re: ILYNOT] #2597549
08/13/15 09:26 PM
08/13/15 09:26 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 456
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ILYNOT Offline OP
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ILYNOT  Offline OP
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Update:

Received a good morning email, first good morning email in around 4 months, it was regarding the movie times, I agreed to the times made a joke, etc. nothing to brag about.

We'll see how the evening goes.


M35 W33 S14 D12
M14
ILYBNILWY 07/14
BD 7/14
S 5/15

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"
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