Pink, it sounds like you did really well today. A tough thing to go through and you got through it. It sounds like you coped better than your H. I'm sorry to hear he was distressed. He has made some bad choices lately and is lying on the bed he has made now.
I can understand your anger towards him. It takes a lot of time to find peace in our situations and for the anger to pass. I'm not there yet, and nor are you - that's okay.
But, I'm pleased to see that you are looking forward. Looking forward to having this difficult phase behind you and moving on towards joy.
As others have said, D does not make a difference in terms of standing. That is entirely up to you - stand or don't stand. We all understand and will support whichever way. Only you get to decide.
For now, be gentle with yourself, and enjoy some peace when you can. Take some time to recover and enjoy the many good things in your life.
Thank you so much for your lovely post on my thread which made me cry - the part about looking in the mirror and not feeling shame. That is so important. Being a LBS is one of the most difficult things I have ever gone through. But I am glad not to be the WAS. I think that is harder.
Take care my lovely friend....I will wear pink for you tomorrow xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Great job today, Pink! You should stand proud that you did not break. You are strong and will only become stronger. I hope I can show half the dignity you have shown. Hugs to you!
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
Pink, sounds like you did a great job on a (censored) day. Time to continue moving forward and continue to let yourself heal and grow. One day your H will wake up with many regrets. He clearly has not dealt with things in a healthy way.
Sending a big hug to you today.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
I have nothing of real value to add here other than to just say I'm with you in the sadness of what has finalized, but also with you in looking forward to whatever the future has in store for you!
Hugs and strength your way...
Me:36 W:30 M:2.75 T:7 BD: 4/2015 ILYBNILWY: 5/2015 W Moved Out: 5/2015 W filed for D: 7/2015
Pink...sending you some good will on a day that represents the worst of the pain you've endured.
Of all the things you've done right, standing by your M is the best.
I don't know about you, but I've had many, many people share with me that they were divorced when they find out my status. When they do the first thing I ask, and I am not shy about it, is this: "Who walked?"
Guess what? Those people that get uncomfortable, try to complicate the issue and murk those waters, avoid the question...I wish them well. I can still work with them, do business with them, etc...but they aren't going to have a home in my emotional support group.
But there are also a few that can look me in the eye and admit that while they had fault in the M, it was never their decision, and it was a hard loss to accept. And that while they grew, and their life is better now, they didn't think the D was necessary to achieve those ends, and they will always consider that a tragedy.
Pink...I congratulate you on being a person that can respond that way to whomever asks for the rest of your life.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
I just caught up with your thread. Wow you have done great! Not an easy road to travel. My ex had a MLC too. It helped me to learn about it so I could understand better what happened. It does not make their behavior ok. They have a right to be lost and confused but it's not ok to treat us badly. It is hard when they are sad and weak. It pulls on your heart strings. You handled everything so well. V is right when she says he fired you as his W. You can point him in the direction of help but it's not your job to "fix" him. Lessons I had to learn too.
It is normal and healthy to feel sad. This will pass and I predict a bright happy future for you is right around the corner.
Best wishes,
Karma
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
Thanks RD, Toots, V, ep0215, BT13, Jedi, HeavyD, Zues126 and Karma12 for stopping by during a time of sorrow.
RD, I have been hurt pretty bad, never tough that XH would do such thing and behave in such a way. But it is what he wants and I am nobody to stand in his way.
One thing is for sure, I have many other kinds of love in my life and I have a lot of good in it. My kids are being very supportive and they are very kind to me. The only thing they get mad about these days is that they don't want me to even consider to get back to XH.
I feel sad to hear their comments that they are better off without him and that he was nothing more then an abusive father that always want to compete with them instead of taking pride on their accomplishments.
Was I so blind for so long? My kids give me examples of facts that happen in the past and they say that I always tried to look to the other side and ignore that XH was just a selfish jerk.
Really? Now, when I hear their claims, I feel that XH has an even bigger problem then what I image.
Toots, I don't know about the standing or not standing for me. Sometimes I think it would be 100% harder to get back it that someone is still the same or even worse person then before.
And, when I think about a guy like RD, loving his kids, taking care after them, standing alone to an enormous load of work that these kids demand on us. I feel that I really would like to meet someone like that. Engage in life not only for himself, willing to look into himself and say that I am human, made mistakes but I will at least try to learn new stuff and become better.
For now, I decided do not think much about any R, including XH. I want to concentrate in my future and what direction I will take. I am also excited that I need to fight with life again and start building something new for the kids and I.
ep, BT, jedi, Heavy, Zues and Karma you all have values that are on the top of my list of admiration. Indeed we are the strong ones, and that's why we are here, learning, falling and standing up again and again. We all deserve better and sometimes we need to let go on the stubbornness and realize that the one we treasure so dear to us is a weak, coward person that does not value their own commitments.
I will stay in this board and share some of my experience, my learnings, my accomplishments. Giving others support during their hard journey too. It will be my time to say "LET IT GO" and that things will eventually be all right and you will be OK at the end.
And, you can all laugh, but I need to stay in touch with RD, who knows... maybe my trip to Ireland is not so far after all.
I love all of you that are so kind, my heart goes out to all that is suffering right now, at night I prayer goes to all your hearts and I ask for wisdom for each and all of us. That we choose the right words, gestures, path. That our decisions will be guided with grace and humility and that we will feel clean during and after this battle for our Ms.
I also think you did well, your XH just has to sit with the consequences of his actions and you can move forward knowing that you gave him every chance to work with you to make things right between you.
I hope now you can find some peace for a while
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
