Just got an email from H's lawyer about the agenda for the collaborative meeting tomorrow. It gave me a panic attack. Reading about division of marital assets and visitation for the child is making hyperventilate. It is so real when I get emails like this. Breathe....
Definitely BREATH.
Have you spoken with a Lawyer yet? I apologize if you've mentioned it, I just don't recall.
You may not be able to get ahold of one by tomorrow. I would suggest that you don't agree to anything tomorrow, and wait until you do speak with a professional to go over the details. I am not a lawyer, and i cannot give you any legal advice, all I would caution is definitely take things at a pace you are comfortable with. Do not let anyone rush you to any sort of agreement.
As for the meeting tomorrow, Listen to everything your husband says. there may be clues about what is really going through his head. Reread Wonka's Validation thread tonight and tomorrow before hand, too.
I have to run, I know there is more in the previous posts that I wanted to get to but my lunch got disintegrated with work (blah).
SO for now...DEEP BREATHS. I am sending positive thoughts!!!
Thank you Zephyr! Yes I have a lawyer and we have been meeting and getting me prepared but this will be our first joint meeting with both parties. I thought I was doing good in GAL and moving forward and detaching. Then when these things become real it is a real shocker and rocks me to the core. I feel like I am back to day 1 not 4 months in.
I will definitely re-read the validation post and print that out today! Good idea!
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
Your husband sounds like a very impulsive guy. Serving papers and then phoning to talk and see how u r do not seem coherent. I think he is going through an internal battle. On the one hand using the papers as a way of getting at you and then on the other his unsureness of really letting go. He may be having a PA or EA, doesnt really matter but if he was totally clear on what he wanted as well as happy with the OW why the interest?. I think he is harbouring resentment and anger and the more you seem to be indifferent to his reaction and pull away I think he will pull in. If there is one thing that I have to hand to the DB books and philosophy is that changing who you are into a 2.0 person by improving helps YOU feel better about yourself but also makes your partner sit up and take notice. It may not solve your marriage but it will help you in the long run and is defintely better than sticking with the 1.0 person you were until now and got you into that position in the first place.
Hi ep I just wanted to offer my support to use as well. It does sound like we are in similar situations. Have you signed the divorce papers yet? I have so much more I want to talk to u about, but I am at work. I will post again later
M: 32 W: 35 M 2 1/2 T 4 1/2 same sex couple W "unhappy" April 2015 D first asked for mid May 2015 2nd D end of June 2015 D papers in hand, just have to sign Start of piecing 8/20/15 A confirmed 1/2/15
Hi PT - I would love to talk to you some more, our sitch's are very similar. We both signed the petition for the dissolution of marriage. He served me and I had 20 days to respond. We are doing a collaborative divorce so that we will not let the courts decide our fate. Tomorrow is the first mediation meeting.
Maximus - love your screen name btw. He is very impulsive and does tend to act that way in normal situations. I am trying so hard to stay dark and only talk about our son. I "think" it is working because when I do have to talk to him on the phone he is soooooo upbeat and pleasant. It is like talking to my lover all over again and it kills me inside. I match his tone and try my hardest to be a "good neighbor" even though I am dying on the inside.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
I used to think the positive thinker was just in denial about the reality they live in.
It turns out the pessimist and optimist basically are just seeing things the way they want. I know now that life is a whole lot easier and fuller looking at things with rosier colored lenses!
I feel better about who I am and what o am capable of.
To echo on Zephyr's post above, I also once thought optimists lived in denial of reality. Then, at the advice of my IC, I read a book called Zen and the Art of Happiness. To sum it up - ask yourself, no matter how bad something seems, how is this the best thing that could have happened to you? And not on a macro level per se, but on a micro level, for everything that happens.
I guess what I'm trying to say is dont go into this meeting tomorrow with fear and thinking it's the worst place you could be. You never know what the future holds!
If you are true to yourself, being the person only a fool would leave, and walk in there with confidence, perhaps the meeting is the beginning of a different path for you.
Me:36 W:30 M:2.75 T:7 BD: 4/2015 ILYBNILWY: 5/2015 W Moved Out: 5/2015 W filed for D: 7/2015
