Just chugging along. I did finally get a transfer to a different department at work that should allow for a lot more upward mobility - and I am pleased about that. When I spoke with the hiring manager, I wanted to ensure that the schedule would be flexible and I ended up explaining that because my STBX is a deputy sheriff, his schedule changes all the time and therefore so does mine. I wouldn't normally talk about personal stuff in that situation but I wanted to be up front and as it turns out, it ended up being a good thing. Low and behold, it turns out her ex-husband was a deputy who left her years ago when her daughter was a baby. Honestly, I think she felt some kinship with me and that turned out to be a plus. Feeling a lot of relief about the job change. I had maxxed out where I could go in my current department.
I've been dealing with all the endless house maintenance. I live out in the country and am on a well and have had just non stop issues with it since we bought the house. The guy who installed it and who has come out to service it was absurdly expensive and not particularly competent. So I called one of his competitors, who got it working in apple pie order, and for thousands less than I was dreading. I have to admit, when he turned the water on, and it worked, and handed me the very reasonable invoice, I felt the briefest moment of attraction.
Am absorbed at the moment in putting together D7's requested Mary Poppins costume for Halloween.
Life would be pretty smooth except for the nights the girls are gone.
Things sound good on the western front. You're even getting your mojo back! Each time I check in, you sound better.
But you have to stop taunting us with these stories of country living, home maintenance, needed renovations, proximity to ski hills, as well as being a strong, principled woman who understands processes and numbers and looks out for her children. Some of us have full sets of tools, knowledge of things mechanical, our skis waxed and at the ready, know that 2 is an inherently better number than 3, and admire independence, but are firmly nailed to the opposite coast.
Congratulations on the transfer and the compassionate boss. It was good that you told her of your situation. Generally, people like to be helpful. Some of my W's close friends, who she has confided in and know much of the sordid story, and who I figured would be loyal only to her have come up to me privately and offered support, and help with the kids if I need it after this whole mess is sorted out. Took me by surprise, and it may be BS, but it seemed kind and for now I'll take that at face value.
I will taunt you further. Now that I feel secure that I will have a reliable water source, I'm having someone come out to cut out some scrub oaks on the sunny incline near the house so that I can plant a small orchard and a berry patch. I still have to figure out a deer fence though. And for my winter project - I'm starting to look at putting in a water feature in an unlandscaped portion of the front yard that already has water and electricity. I can figure out how to do stone and mortar work - right?
Actually - there's a reason all these home maintenance and improvement projects pop up on my thread so often. I've always been pretty confident that I personally will be ok, and while I worry somewhat about finances, I generally feel assured that I will make what I need to (that may be hubris). So that leaves concern about what this has done to my daughters at the top of the list of things that keep me awake at night, and since my dad passed away, I've had a lot more angst about maintaining the house on my own- so that has become number two. I know I need to reframe it - because the the truth is STBX was always really bad at this kind of stuff, and I guess I should look at it as a new freedom to just do what needs to be done.
He, by the way, seems to have retreated again. He was being fairly open and conversational for a brief stretch but now he seems to be bending over backwards to not see me at child exchanges.
Oh - and I did just buy D7 a ski pass. The one for me didn't pencil out (since I'll have to spend some of those days with D4 in the "snow play" area) - but I'll probably buy one of their discounted "packs" of tickets.
raliced, you have my undying admiration in the home improvement department. I look at my sad landscaping every day and wonder what to do about it. You are planting an orchard. I bow at your feet.
I think when bank accounts are divided and I have access to the $ to spend on some house things without having to discuss it with STBX, I'll feel better about it. But I still couldn't plant my own orchard......
It sounds like you are doing well. Would you like to come visit? I have many home improvement projects that I think you would enjoy immensely!
Congrats on the new gig. I'm glad it provides the flexibility you need.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Gee- I feel like maybe I am overselling my orchard and berry patch a bit. I'm only going to start with 6 trees and a few rows of blueberries and raspberries.
I live in a climate that is very favorable for this type of gardening and while I've chugged away at growing vegetables every summer, they don't really bring me joy. A tree ripened apricot, tart pie cherries and raspberries bring me joy. And I could certainly use some doses of that!
Honestly- it's also pretty symbolic for me. When we bought this house, it was with the intention of living in it for the next 40-50 years. Nothing has happened that has changed that desire for me. So doing these types of projects is an investment in my future and sort of a tangible reinforcement that I don't have to give up on my dreams. STBX or not.
All that being said- I have plenty of household struggles. I've never been much of a housekeeper. And despite being someone who thrives on organizations and schedules and work - I can never really translate these skills into keeping up with the laundry.
I'm not quite sure of my legal status - everything is signed and in the hands of a judge. Should be final any day now unless the holidays slow everything way down.
When XH ended his relationship with OW and moved back to town, a lot of people asked me if I thought it was the first step towards reconciliation. That has not been the case. While OW is truly gone, he is just as distant towards me as ever. While I have no idea what he is feeling or thinking, he sure behaves like someone who is uncomfortable and ashamed. He's not coming to any of the girls Christmas shows, presumably because I am going to be there as well and one is at my church.
I know a lot of people here reach the conclusion that they do not wish to be reconciled to their WAS. Truth be told it has been a very long time since I could envision even the possibility of ever having any type of marital relationship wit him. But... in all honesty , I am not ok being divorced. I'm not ok with my family being fractured. I'm not ok with losing such a chunk of time with my daughters. Sigh.
Today he had the girls and got called into work before school. Instead of calling me, he left the girls with a neighbor, who supposedly was going to take D7 and her own daughter to school but then got called into work herself. There's a lot of detail (and I sincerely doubt he's given me the whole story)- but basically my seven year old cut school today. I found out when the school called me. I find this whole situation very depressing. I also have reason to believe that he handled the situation simply by telling her that "Mom was going to be really upset".
I've read quite a few threads from members of my "DB Class" where the posters have started dating again. I still can't envision doing that. I've come to the conclusion that my picker is busted.
Hi Raliced, Thanks for the update, its great to hear from you.
It is odd behaviour indeed from XH. It could be guilt of course - he's split the family up and it hasn't in fact made him any happier. Do you think he maybe never called you to get the girls when he was called in to work as a weird kind of show of defiance, you know to show you he can cope without asking you for help?
I hardly ever post on here now, and I was thinking about starting a new thread in surviving the big D, along with Sunny, Maybell and Claire. I read the updates on here almost every day and I still find inspiration.
Like you, I am not dating, and although I do like to flirt, I think its just a pleasant, ego-boosting distraction to be honest.
Anyway, I'm happy you're ok.
Me - 44 Husband - 47 D20, S18 BD - Aug 2013 Moved out - Jan 2014 OW discovered Jan 2014
