Ripken - WW filed for divorce and already moved on

[Zephyr]

Hey bud, hope you had a good weekend???

[Ripken8]

Zues,

Thanks for checking in. Sorry I've been AWOL. I have been keeping to myself and GAL at the same time. I've taken my workouts to new levels and joined a cross-fit gym. There, I've made some new friends and they are a pretty tight knit group, so that's been nice. Also I've been doing softball and a regular meetup group, in addition to going to Buddhist temple every Sunday.

I do try and spend some nights and times alone, so I can get used to it and be ok with it. I'm not as lonely anymore and don't find myself constantly craving for my wife. I really believe in the immediate future, that ship has sailed. What that means years down the road, who knows? But, the more I get to appreciate myself, the sooner I'll feel ready for a relationship with anyone. Right now, I just enjoy getting to know new people and making new friends.

Also communication with ww has been greatly improved. We talk on the phone 2-3 times a week for 10-15 minutes always about the boys, selling the house, that stuff. However, it's always been cordial and helpful. Last night, I even joked a little and got a laugh from her. Wasn't trying, just was organic and hung up thinking maybe we will be able to enjoy each other's company in time - nothing romantic, just even as friends. Still have no idea if that's possible for me, but was the first second since all this happened that it crossed my mind.

This morning though has been a HUGE test. She asked me last night if I could make a key for the boys so she could sleep in this morning and pick them up later. Told her it wasn't in my plans and was doing other things with them. She said it wasn't a problem and she would just see them in the morning. Was a good convo.

She then called twice at 5AM and sent 2 texts - I didn't see these until I was just about there. I called her and she said "we'll you can drop them off I guess, but there'll be another car there. That's why I was trying to call you." Yeah, OM is/was there. Told her I was turning around and no way in hell were they going to be subject to that. She said she understood. Told her what she does on her time is her business, but now is her time with the boys. Instead of calling me at 5AM, she could have kicked his ass out. She said, "yeah, I guess that was an option."

This is her weekend with the boys and today is ALSO her birthday! Ugh. I spoke with her after and told her WHY I was so upset. Not about her and him, but about how it would impact the boys and how turning back around was an inconvenience to say the least. Don't; call me a 5AM the next day after we had a convo the day before and agreed to this. She apologized and said she understood. I told her that while SHE feels her and OM are great and will be together forever, I just moved out 2 months ago and the boys just learned of the divorce 1 month ago. If they walked in on him being there, it's NO different to them than if they walked in on me with some random chick. WW said she understood that too.

Ugh. Still proud of myself for having PMA throughout this.

[Ripken8]

and I meant Zephyr, not Zeus - wrong Z name. My apologies : )

[Defacto]

Rip,
I was just wondering how you were doing. I am proud of you for keeping a PMA through all this chit. I like to think I am well on my way to detachment but I'm pretty sure I would have lost it if my STBX did what yours did.

Btw-your GAL list is awesome!

[Zephyr]

and I meant Zephyr, not Zeus - wrong Z name. My apologies : )

As long as you don't call me 'Al' I am ok

Or 'Zipper' for that matter, I don't like that one.

As for how you're doing. Great Work. you are further along than I would be in your situation!!! I like that you are embracing YOU. It is terrible that we are here...with that said you are a better man for it. Chin UP and keep going!!!

[HurtJef]

Wow Rip!

I dont think I could have handled that as well as you did. It still amazes me how a WW can be so lost and inconsiderate to her own kids, let alone her LBH. Good for you for holding a PMA through this.

Detatching for me has really started to be easier, just due to the chaos and fatigue of it all taking its toll. I enjoy my GAL activities as well as the days WW just isn't involved in.

Keep it up Brother! Thanks for inspiring!

[Ripken8]

Thanks, guys. Met with ww over lunch to have her pick up the kids. She put the boys in the car and stopped to talk to me. Immediately she said "I'm sorry and thank you". She apologized and said that she was in the wrong and would work to communicate more and not change plans at the last second. She said she understands that wasn't fair.

While she didn't get into the aspect of what the boys would see, she did make it a point to apologize and own part of her mess up. She could have easily said screw it, stayed pissed at me and blame me for ruining her birthday if she wanted to - she didn't. That's at least something.

She said we'll have our share of ups and downs. I told her I know that, but my hope is we can continue to communicate as we have and for the most part, have them be positive interactions. She said she wanted that too.

Again, for me right now, it's not missing her or in love with her. It's still the trigger or mistrust, disrespect and cheating - the same as I would have for any relationship. Hopefully that heals over time as well.

[Ripken8]

Well ww never listened to me about not having om around our sons and did it frequently anyway without telling me. Found out tonite our youngest saw them kissing this weekend and asked me about it because she only introduced him as her friend.

I told my sons the truth and that I wouldn't lie to them. Told them her is her boyfriend and that she started seeing him while we were married and that was wrong. I told them that is one of the biggest reasons why we won't be married anymore and that you don't do that to someone you care about. Lying and cheating is wrong.

That said I told them that was something between mommy and I and I wouldn't talk bad about her to them because she is still a great mom to them and loves them and we both can agree on that.

Bashing her and blaming her in front of them serves no purpose. I only see it backfiring on me.

I called ww and let her know of the convo and that I hated the fact that I felt pushed into a corner. Told her I was disappointed she didn't seem to care of my concerns and continued to do what she wanted, regardless of what could happen.

Unfortunately this has reached so far that if there was ever a chance to reconcile, I would be crazy to consider it. I have made so much progress and continue to be a better person than I ever was when we were together. I can't and won't go back to that and she only continues to regress, thinking she is actually moving forward.

I'm surprisingly not as hurt by all of this and feel ready to move on and leave her behind. The wife I loved is dead and I'm just about done mourning the loss.

What's left is a cold person I have nothing in common with and little to no interest to get to know.

[HurtJef]

Sad to hear that Rip. I just went through a very similar thing this past weekend as well. I feel your pain and disappointment.

Hang in there buddy.

[Defacto]

Rip,
I'm so sorry you were forced to do this. I feel you handled it perfectly. You really had no other options IMO.

You have progressed and matured tremendously. I see a man who had taken control of his life and his future. Your journey towards personhood and individuality is one I am on too but I think you are a bit farther along than I.

Here is a quote that haunts me lately. I think you might appreciate it to:

"The world is what it is; men who are nothing, who allow themselves to become nothing, have no place in it."
-V.S. Naipaul