Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Way to go!!! Thumbs up to the pair of you. Keep up with the DBing...it is a lifetime thing. I am still DBing some people in my life and they've saved some untold grief and/or mishaps.
Thanks for the kind words, everyone. Wanted to login and give a quick update in the rare moment I have. Things are progressing nicely forward.
mahhhty - not a chance that I'll stop working!
Wonka - DB is life. I've been making sure I still STFU and validate as much as possible. Still working on my 180s, and I'm certain I'll keep identifying more as time goes on.
jedi - Ready for December?
Post session 1 has been completed, and we are doing all the tasks they put to us with energy. The Retrouvaille program went beyond all my expectations. W and I are communicating in ways we never have in our 11 years together. We are anxiously awaiting each consecutive weekend to build upon it more and more. W has even mentioned us potentially volunteering to help the program.
S5 has started kindergarten and LOVES riding the bus. Some behavioral problems with him, and yet that is expected with the big, sweeping changes he's been through. W and I are actively communicating each day on what we can do together to help him through it. Most importantly, my relationship with him is still strong.
I'm looking at a new job, should they offer enough money. Apparently I one shot the multi-stage interview process and am being offered after the first. I won't have to drive all over the city, and it's only 5 minutes from home. Will give me all evenings and weekends to be with my family. We definitely need the time to keep working things out.
I'm going to try and keep updated as much as possible and start reading more threads when I can. I did notice a pattern with other Piecing DBers that there is a period where you are so focused on the M/R that lose track of posting. I'll be around!
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Quick update: Post session #2 went very well. We're still doing the activities, and it is helping very much so. I need to keep focusing on DBing to help her through her big transitions to the new job, moving home, and also maintaining a level of detachment for myself. The R is moving along nicely, and we are sharing much more than we ever have in the past.
S5 is cooling down some on his attention seeking and seems to be understanding better that mommy and daddy are going to be spending time with each other as well. Her and I have made it a mission to make time a couple times during the week and at least one big thing on the weekend to make as special S5 time.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Quick update: Post session #2 went very well. We're still doing the activities, and it is helping very much so. I need to keep focusing on DBing to help her through her big transitions to the new job, moving home, and also maintaining a level of detachment for myself. The R is moving along nicely, and we are sharing much more than we ever have in the past.
S5 is cooling down some on his attention seeking and seems to be understanding better that mommy and daddy are going to be spending time with each other as well. Her and I have made it a mission to make time a couple times during the week and at least one big thing on the weekend to make as special S5 time.
THUMBS UP!!! What a wonderful update, Squiggy. Keep up the good work here, buddy. I love, love reading success stories like this.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Wow, it's been so long since I've been on here...I miss this place so much. Now, to answer mahhhty's question.
Things are going really well. Caveat: there's always work to be done, so keep that in mind. Retrouvaille was completed months ago, and we still actively use most of the skills from it. I, like many others here, HIGHLY recommend the program to anyone working on piecing. On the R side of things it easily had the most impact and pushed us much farther along than we would have done on our own. That being said, we still struggle sometimes, which is to be expected, but I cannot complain about the direction we are headed. Sometimes we just have to choose to love!
Let's see. We communicate much more openly, and that's still a hard one at times. DBing really helped me jump forward, but W is catching up. I love the occasional shock she gets when I don't engage in what would've previously been arguments. We are doing date night/day at least once or twice a month to help bolster the relationship. She really stepped up and agreed that she went into mom mode and neglected the R, and I see her working to prevent that from happening again. S5 is no longer being used as a barrier between us. Instead, we are making certain to take time for each other.
Finances are on the up swing. She brought A LOT of debt back from trying to make it on her own, and we are currently over halfway getting it down (thank you YNAB!!!). The house has managed to stay in good shape and is getting better, which always has been an indicator of how we are doing.
I changed jobs to be a regular 9-5 a whole 5 miles away from home, instead of working two jobs and driving all over the whole city. We all have benefited from it, and it's reduced a ton of my stress. W took her old job and turned down a potential promotion, because she wanted to focus on us without the extra stress.
S6 is doing well. He's been a trooper through it all. Sometimes he says things that show he's still processing all that happened last year, but W and I help him through. The times are getting more rare. He's doing well in kindergarten (big boy riding the bus) and has passed at least the first round of high ability testing with a score that would pass him through the final test as well. Love this little guy! The only complaint is that he's been doing a ton of attention-seeking, whether it being positive or negative. This is due to the feeling he is going to be replaced by the baby brother growing in mommy's belly. That was a shock to us all. However, it was amazing to see him dance around the whole house when he found out the baby will be a brother. Big changes in June when the family grows.
Honestly, no complaints and I'm overjoyed at where we are. I cannot thank this community enough. Everyone here, whether it was through active participation in my threads or the many other people I've followed, has had such a huge impact on my life. Life is busy right now, but I hope to be more of a presence around here and contribute what I can.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Thank you for posting in my thread, I've been reading through some of your back story...your W sounds a lot like me (minus the A, completely and the fact that I'm the one that wants to work) but I really enjoy in some of your older forums seeing your goals about the W. I truly *think* my H feels similar. (Sorry to hijack, ;))
I will be reading through the rest of your posts tonight. Thank you again for the advice. I'll be reading and heading.
Thumbs up to the pair of you. Keep up with the DBing...it is a lifetime thing. I am still DBing some people in my life and they've saved some untold grief and/or mishaps.
