Do all young adults struggle. Are they depressed? How much of it is from the divorce?
Ashley works at the bank but doesn't get enough hours. Works at the grocery store every other weekend but sometimes they forget to give her a shift. Works for me 4 hours or so a week - cleaning etc.
She has been complaining about money non stop. Her rent, now her new car, no time for fun etc. I listen. I help, I advise, I "loan" when she really needs it. But it continues.
Always a " sunny" disposition, now it seems she is never happy. Nothing is ever "enough". She told me she cries a lot. I listen. So often... But it's taking its toll on e.
Today she starts, she knows I've got tests at the hospital today then 5 hours of driving to pick up a visiting friend at the airport. And getting the house ready. I listened. I suggested redirecting her thoughts, being grateful, going to dr or C if it is depression. She went on & on. I told her I could not listen today. Have so much on my plate & it brings me down. Now i feel guilty.
But sheesh - I struggled at her age with $ too.i am having health issues again. Ryan's agency is failing me - have no one to look after him for 4 days next week - I scrambled to fill in 2 days this week. That's killing me too.
Yesterday I learned I have full blown Type 2 Diabetes. Then I learned they lost my Pap smear for the second time in a row so have to go again. It's just one thing after another. I have not been complaining to her.
I want to be there for her. But I'm a sponge - I soak up her troubles then it ruins my day while she is off to work & redirecting.
I'm thinking back to my darkest days in the D. I think I burned out a couple of friends. I'm wondering how they kept listening to me day after day.
So there comes that time when everything seems to much, regardless of your age. I believe the best thing to do is to break it down into managable pieces and tackling it that way.
When I got back from being an exchange student, I enrolled in all the sorts of classes that I took in Highschool. I rarely had to study and was in the top 10% of my class. I didn't count on having to approach this differently, workinging full time to pay for it(since I wanted to go, I never even considered having my parent pay, yes, I am different, I know.) and then my Mom's company went on strike and led to lots of stress at home.
I finally decided to give myself a break one day a week, I could go to a football game, go out with friends, but I didn't study that day. Stress started to fall to the way side, my studying was more productive and things fell into place and my grades improved.
Everyone has to find their way, sometimes they need a nuge from outside themselves and sometimes they get the nudge from within.
Does she have a roommate to help with some of the costs?
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Umm, that should be nudge. I make typos when my thoughts get ahead of my fingers. Oh I was talking about going to college right when I got home, pre-med of all things!! Became a Psychology major instead.
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Barb, we all feel overwhelmed sometimes...I'm with ya! You're a lady with a lot on your plate and I always have admired how you handle things. It's ok to let it get to you once in a while. The positive thing about type 2 diabetes is that it is fully reversible!!! I had it...lost 35 lbs in five months and it was gone. Diet and exercise is all it takes. You can do it! The best thing about diet and exercise is that it helps the other areas of our lives too. So hang in there, vent here when you want or need to. Sorry you're feeling this way. You will rise again
She really does need some down time - has been getting a day or so away each week. I need to remind her that she does get a break.
Her apt is really small. She had boyfriend staying there but really felt it impacted on her space. So that's not a real option for her.
She did post something about PMS later today - hopefully that's all it is. I actually think it didn't hurt to tell her that I just needed to not listen to her woes today. I was at my limit.
Hey Wii, Thanks for the encouragement. I asked my dr about losing weight & getting rid of the diabetes but he wasn't so sure. He does acknowledge that I did lose 10 lbs & encourages me to bite it off 10 lbs at a time. So I'm going to give it my all with paddleboarding & cycling. And veggies...
Barb, Stress can affect your health. My father had diabetes and his physician told him that he needed to walk more, cut back on certain foods and alleviate his stress as much as possible.
You've got a lot on your plate. I will share this w/you because I noticed that the "younger" generations want it all at one time and don't want to wait for things. Unfortunately, unlike us, we got things one at a time, and the generations now, don't. They have to find their happy medium and come to realize that it's better to bite off just a wee bit at a time and that would free up some fun time for them.
Hang in there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My paternal grandmother was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes when she was in her early 60s. She took 30 lbs. off and her Dx was ditched and she lived the rest of her life without diabetes. My former FIL was also able to eradicate the symptoms of it, merely by eating better and eliminating alcohol.
Good luck!
Re Ashley... I truly hope you aren't feeling guilty about telling her to knock it off. If I were in your shoes, I'd do the same thing. You have nothing to apologize for. Sure you're her mom and you have her back, but she's an adult now and something tells me you'd avoid friends who weren't going to provide you with some level of comfort right now, right?
Back when my other grandma was getting sick and at the end of her life, my mom and late aunt were making lots of trips from DC to the north shore of MN to take care of things. It was really stressful on both families, and it needed to be done. My brother had a lot of traits that Ashley has, and for whatever reason, his empathy chip malfunctioned when it was most needed. When my mom has been unavailable, he was the one who tuned into station WME non-stop. He'd escalate his self absorbedism into her world, and most of the time, she'd put up with it. I was 30 and he was 24 - well enough to know better. One day, I could hear the explosion all the way to Colorado. He pushed that "it's all about me button" one too many times and my mom UNLOADED. It really should never have gotten to that point - she should have told him from the get go, "My mom is dying and your aunt and I are trying to tie up loose ends and having to travel 1200 miles every other week. I need you to be mindful of my stress and zip that selfish lip." OK, STFU. I don't think he ever forgot it, but he sure pressed his luck at times. My sister and I are just smart enough to dial everything down when mom needs extra support. Like now...
I swear to God, Barb, if he were still alive this year, I'm sure he would have escalated when my aunt passed away in April. He had an uncanny knack for pushing my mom to the brink when she needed support the most.
I'm not sure if that fits Ashley's M.O., but sometimes you have to tell it like it is. When someone oversteps a boundary, it's up to you to enforce it. And you did.
Personally, if she were my sister (not daughter), I'd probably have to pull her aside and tell her, "you know, Mom is uber stressed right now. And you complain all the time. It's emotionally draining, so stop it. Leave her the f*ck alone. It would probably do you some good to start focusing on the things that are going well in your life, and I better not hear that nothing is..."
I know Ashley is a help when you need it the most, so that's working in her favor. But you don't have to go to the same extreme as my mom did to get her needs met either.
Hugs and good luck!
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Oh I was talking about going to college right when I got home, pre-med of all things!! Became a Psychology major instead.