I'm looking to purchase the "The Divorce Remedy: The proven 7 step Program for saving your marriage" on my iphone but it shows the author of the book !?! Is this the correct book?
Last edited by Cadet; 06/03/1505:40 PM. Reason: book reference not allowed
I'm looking to purchase the "The Divorce Remedy: The proven 7 step Program for saving your marriage" on my iphone but it shows the author of the book !?! Is this the correct book?
That is the correct book. Apparently front cover has changed quite a bit, but it is the same book. It use to be called Divorce Remedy. I just checked out the title at the Divorce Busting Store site and you can purchase the book at Amazon.
Here's the link to where it is on the Divorce Busting Site Store:
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hey 76! Regarding the 37 rules... you should follow them all!
Some might need to be slightly adjusted depending on your situation but the rules work. Even if they don't make your W fall head over heels in love with you again, they will bring you sanity and self-esteem.
No snooping, no following around like a puppy, no texting all the time. Think about it, you said yourself she is more affectionate when you have a fight or when she thinks she might lose you. Do you want her to be more affectionate or less? Then make her wonder if her behavior has pissed you off!
Hasn't it?
It should have!!!
She should worry that what she has done will make you leave her. And she should do everything she can to make sure you don't. It doesn't sound like she is in that place yet. So you need to back off. Like I said before, focus on yourself - not on her. Stop following her around and trying to create intimacy. Back off and do your own thing. Go out with friends after work or go to the gym. Don't text with her all day long. Be busy. Don't be rude but don't be so available. Get a life.
Don't be too eager to share how much you love and adore her and want to be intimate with her. Yes, that is good for your wife to know, generally speaking. But at this time she needs her space to realize that she does want you in her life. If you are smothering her with love she won't realize it.
Read the threads of others. Try Mozza, he has links to success stories. See what other people have experienced and read the advice given to them.
Good luck 76!
Me: 34 H: 30 M: 4 years BD: 6/15/14 He moved out 6/30/14 OW1: EA then PA after BD Now he's dating multiple OWs I'm over it and moving on.
Thanks again. I am trying to use the steps (definitely working on myself, being cheerful & strong, not being needy or desperate, putting myself first.) but I'm finding it difficult in other areas because I feel that we have been making progress over the last 6 weeks or so. We are having fun together, we are laughing more, we are doing date nights (recommended by our counsellor). I worry that if I start to do things like distance myself or keep conversations short etc. it might be like taking 2 steps back. The one place we are truly struggling is in the bedroom (as previously mentioned). She just can't bring herself to be intimate. I'm still trying to understand which of the 37 steps apply at this point, all of them or only a few?? (LisaB, I know you said to stick to them all & maybe adjust a few....but can you see why I'm struggling with how to go about this?) Again, I can understand not being needy, clingy etc. (I was guilty of that over the past few months) but I don't know if coming across as uninterested is my best approach.
The one place we are truly struggling is in the bedroom (as previously mentioned). She just can't bring herself to be intimate.
Isn't the sexual intimacy the main thing that differs between friends and lovers? She sees you as a friend. You get alone better for several reasons, but sexual desire just isn't there for her. IMO, the main reason a WW has no sexual desire for her H is b/c she has another guy in her head (if not her bed).
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hi Sandi2, Thanks for your insight. I assume you read my initial post and know that she did have an A. She says it was an EA & that it never became physical, unfortunately I do have my doubts. I've given her numerous chances to come clean about everything, but she swears that what I found on her phone was/is the extent of it. I've come to the point where I'm done asking about it & done worrying about it. We've talked about the intimacy issue in counselling & she says she wants to know what to do to get beyond her "friend-zone" feelings for me but she also says that she wouldn't kiss or hold a friend the way she does with me? So, I'm not sure if this is just her trying to make herself feel better, or what!! I'm not sure if there is a way to work on this, but I will continue to work on myself first & hope that things fall into place. any other tips or insight would be appreciated.
What were some of the issues you had in your M. And I'm not talking about the ones that you thought were her fault, but what were problems that you contributed to?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Starsky has a truth dart that use to hit me so hard when I showed up on the board as a WW. "All cheaters lie".
As much as you want to believe what she says, you would do well to remember that truth dart. There have been many WW's who would deny the hard evidence staring her in the face.
There are some women who continue having sex with the LBH even while she's conducting an A. However, it is my belief that most women will desire to be intimate with only one man, and if she has that one man in her head, then she's simply going through the motion with the other one. It's true that some who are in an EA will have sex with the H (he is substituted for OM) b/c she can fantasize that H is whoever she wants him to be. I think the majority of WW's have no desire to even go through the motions with her H. That is how most women are designed. She has emotionally divorce you and made you the outsider. In her heart/mind she has replaced you with OM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
