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Roid76 Offline OP
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I haven't been back for a while. Just trying to figure out myself. I have a couple of questions though. It seems all interaction with WAW has been brutal. She always seems pissed when we are near each other. However, when we text or talk on the phone she is so much nicer. Just seems odd to me. A couple of other things. She recently dropped off the girls and had to pee so bad, but refused to use my restroom at the house, instead just left to hurry home. Last night she asked me to get her marriage license and something else for paperwork. I asked if I could have it back. She then asked if I needed it to do something behind back. I said no I just wanted the memory along with other things. She then said she guessed it was all the trust she lost. That was about the end of that. Is there something I can do here to help, or just leave it alone? Thanks


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I haven't talked for a while been really doing inner searching need to let out some stuff. I finally understand that it's over I think. She has no trust, no caring, and I just see it in her eyes. And that's okay, my problem is that we can't afford a divorce, won't be able to die a while it seems. So I feel like I'm stuck in limbo always. Without the D, I just can't seem to move past it. I haven't had sex for 2.5 years and I'm aching for it. I don't know if it's just me or what.

There are days I want to try and find something else, then days where I just want the WAW back. I don't know if I just want to walk away or keep trying or what. But I think that's the problem. I know it's time to walk away, but I can't convince myself to do it. I have looked back over things and have seen things that I know bugged me and I just locked them away. She tried to take sex away because I chewed, okay understandable, but I chewed the whole time we knew each other, why use that as a ploy to try and get me to quit. She once told me to not to act up around her friends and that they were not my friends. Like I needed to not act like myself. That's not right to expect that.

I guess it comes down to being able to accept each other for who we are. I didn't like that she was so critical, she didn't like that I chewed and was a certain way in my actions. We never fully accepted each other. We always wanted change in each other, and these changes we wanted we thought we couldn't live without. I did lie and cheat with the porn. In the end though if we loved each other, should t we stand by each other. Give the support and help we both needed for growth and change.


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Roid76 Offline OP
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I'm turning this into 2 posts for length reasons.

We both just gave up on each other. I know in my mind, I started to not care as much as I did. I'm pretty sure she was the same way. The only difference was I was willing to put myself through hell, and she wanted to walk away.

I look at my girls and I tell myself how can you just walk away. They are not happy my oldest has asked numerous times for us to be together again. The W had told her it is not going to happen, in however she put it. I just tell her that sometimes grown ups don't get along, but we will always be there for her and her sister.

I don't know what's right or wrong. I'm proud of myself for what I have been able to do. I'm still doing very good with the porn habit, it's been a few months of nothing. I have realized that I do have a problem and it needs to be addressed on numerous fronts, but I am trying and that's what counts. But I have noticed, the further I get away from that stuff the closer I feel to her.

I'm also having money issues, which always seems to happen in these scenarios. I'm trying to supplement my income, side job, but it's not coming fast enough. I'm really trying to work on my patients and just being able to wait. That's a big thing for me, always has been.

I know there is not an easy answer to any of this. I won't know why or how some of this happened, until it all get revealed. I just want to be happy. I want to know how to be happy for me. I still don't know that answer, and it seems like I may not know it, maybe ever. But I want to keep working toward that. There is a history of both mental breakdown illness and sexual issues in my family. I have learned things about my father I didn't know. And I think that's part of it. But I have made up mind to believe in myself. I don't know if it is enough or not. Yes I have a few minor slips, yes I do stupid tjings, but I'm trying to be more aware and see them before they get worse. I know I will never be able to recover my W's trust and love, that ship has sailed. But I have 2 girls that deserve the best me. So much I have balled up inside. Ugh!!


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Quote:
Is there something I can do here to help, or just leave it alone?


I don't think it's anything you are, or aren't doing, that seems to pi$$ her off. I think it is all her, and she is reacting this way b/c of her own emotional issues. She could get professional guidance, or work it out herself........but I don't think the LBH should try to "help". IMHO, it would make matters worse if offered, tried to talk to her, or asked questions. It would open the door for her wrath. So, my advice is to leave it alone. Case in point, look how fast she leaped on the lack of trust issue in the below quote.

Quote:
Last night she asked me to get her marriage license and something else for paperwork. I asked if I could have it back. She then asked if I needed it to do something behind back. I said no I just wanted the memory along with other things. She then said she guessed it was all the trust she lost.


I think the LBH should not says things that make him look "pitiful" b/c in her eyes, he appears weak. (sentence in bold)


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Thanks Sandi, I would have to agree on all points. Need to find that confidence again, just a part of being happy. Thanks for the feedback


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