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A Message from Michele
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Re: May your fantasies come true [Re: Vanilla] #2603965
09/03/15 07:54 PM
09/03/15 07:54 PM
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 755
Z
Zelda09 Offline
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Zelda09  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 755
Trust will be hard, I imagine. I think it is okay to honor that and move slow as you are comfortable and not try to push past 'lizard breaths or thoughts.' I believe your paranoia is justifiable. And I do not want to negatively add to it, but I can say wolves often appear in sheep's clothing. My dear gentle X had all those lovely qualities that you describe, and unfortunately only time will tell.

Thinking of you, Gg. Keep your eyes and heart wide open. I fear we end up with turds because we turn blind, overly-understanding eyes their way too often.

I think of that quote, a bird's trust is not on the branch she stands on, but her wings. If he does cheat and turns into something else, you'll know it was not you and that you have been through worse...Next please.

Perhaps when enough time has passed and the lizard part of your self relaxes enough, you'll know he's worth more investment. I believe it will happen with quite a bit of synergy if its a good thing for you.

Do you see a professional at all? Ever? I know how it feels to not be able to trust your own judgement. Lately i laugh with my girlfriends - "I wouldn't even know 'normal' anymore" - I'd say if you feel stuck and unable to relax for no good reason, maybe it is worth considering after a time?


Mid 30's
Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH
D 9/15; NC forever on

You can't DR your way out of abuse.



Re: May your fantasies come true [Re: Zelda09] #2612984
10/06/15 10:59 PM
10/06/15 10:59 PM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,118
G
Ggrass Offline OP
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Ggrass  Offline OP
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G
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,118
Fumbles around..... Where in earth are my damn keys?

Seems I had an enforced break I lost me door keys to db, due to software updates. Once I accidentally managed to get in, but then got booted back out.

Well things have been very interesting!

Who's for a long winded up date?


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Re: May your fantasies come true [Re: Ggrass] #2613001
10/07/15 02:04 AM
10/07/15 02:04 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,118
G
Ggrass Offline OP
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Ggrass  Offline OP
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G
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,118
Ok so the circle of life has come round again.

The lambs number 2 one was a bit sick, but she's really good now. There were a couple of foals in quick succession. Very exciting time and have plenty of baby visitors.

Bf has another job and it's going really well. He.loves it. He's astounded at how far and how much things can change in just one year. The one year of his wife's death is this weekend. He is expecting her family to get in touch, they had taken sides and wanted him to stay single forever. They were not happy when he gal, regardless if he was just getting out.

Plans are being made for next month next week next year... Things are just crusing.

Gossips have been whirling still, Radom phone calls and strange happenings.
A very strange fb friend request...... I can hear you all going no he didn't. crazy grin
And you would be wrong... If you thought he didn't!

The crazee things keep coming xh2 is looking very old when I spotted him recently almost totally grey or white haired and fatter than I have ever seen him tbh. I didn't even know it was him, such a change in such a short time.

Maybe I wasn't too far wrong saying mlc? wink

I'm happier far happier, still feeling in limbo in one hand and another I'm still smitten.
My ic has been off due to a major broken bone. Sometimes tho things flip and flop and that's ok. They are just feeling and now I know they do change and quickly too.

I too get where your at zelda, I feel both lucky and scared.
I need someone in my life, even tho the separation was basically the first few days of '13 there had been very few on my needs met for a long time. In so many ways it was a empty well. I was numb and empty.

The things I needed most of just have someone close that other person in bed that human comfort had been once since early'12. About the time the real threats started.

It's so very nice, to. Have caring gentle company regardless of if it becomes forever. A simple back stroke. Is just heavenly.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Re: May your fantasies come true [Re: Ggrass] #2613036
10/07/15 07:15 AM
10/07/15 07:15 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
S
Sotto Offline
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Sotto  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
Hi GG, it's good to hear from you and I'm glad things are going well with your new chap. Are you saying that your ex sent you a friend request on FB??!!

It sounds as though you are taking the current R for what it is and not moving things too fast, which I think is wise. It would be pretty early for you both after some big traumas to make a huge commitment to each other. Much better to just enjoy the romance and companionship and give yourselves some time I think.

Hope things continue to go well for you xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: May your fantasies come true [Re: Sotto] #2613039
10/07/15 07:45 AM
10/07/15 07:45 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
UK
V
Vanilla Offline
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Vanilla  Offline
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V
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
UK
Great to have your update GG.

It's funny how bad Karma shows in the body.

I trust you are taking care of your health.

More later

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Re: May your fantasies come true [Re: Vanilla] #2613071
10/07/15 11:22 AM
10/07/15 11:22 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,118
G
Ggrass Offline OP
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Ggrass  Offline OP
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G
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,118
The request is really bizarre, xh2 took great delight before at total rejection before. Refusing to take calls answer emails.... You name it. Must be a touch and go.... Won't be any touch back, I'm sorry but I'm not subjecting myself to anymore of his humiliation.

Still walks around with ow, attached to his hand. I guess she know just how trust worthy he ain't! So feels the need to advertise.

Given some of his really bad behaviours, it's total dark and nc, if you back thru the threads it was a decision I made early on. I wasn't going to disrespect my new person if I was making that decision to move on, by having him hanging around as a friend.

There is no reason to. No children, no life, no circle of friends anymore.

Life just moved on, while I was dark and he refused to see or think it would happen. Tough.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Re: May your fantasies come true [Re: Ggrass] #2613094
10/07/15 01:16 PM
10/07/15 01:16 PM
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 589
M
mustardseed Offline
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mustardseed  Offline
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M
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 589
I am so glad to see you updating, and that things are going well. Interesting turn of events with the FB request. I smell trouble in paradise on their side of the street--but not your problem. Reject!


40s 2teens M14Y
BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14
BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14
EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues
Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15
D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
Re: May your fantasies come true [Re: mustardseed] #2613321
10/08/15 12:55 AM
10/08/15 12:55 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,118
G
Ggrass Offline OP
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Ggrass  Offline OP
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G
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,118
To be real honest think is sad but funny at the same time.

It's not my job to punish nor do I operate that way, but life does have a way of giving you consequences.

To things I wanted to talk about that list nilla did about nc and moving on it was good. I sort of did that without even realising. Another thing on top of that I have done deliberately was take all xh2 deliberate complaints of things I couldn't do or was character wise and broke them down to a list.

1 I can't cook...
Well I hosted dinners now with bf each time I cook I remind myself of ^ and laugh at how nice dinner was last night home made pizza including the dough. All from scratch. Tick projection

2. Dishonest
Well that's not true and each time I answer something it's honest. I make sure. Tick projection

2. Lazy
Well just look back Thru some threads where I talk about my 12hour work day and how this year instead of a full time and 3 other assorted casual jobs I have 2. Tick projection

3. Didn't pay my share. (Was a taker)
Looked thru xh2 last year of statements showed where I paid and just how much...
Big tick I did my share and more hence I broke

4. Other big ticks include mean nasty angry arumenative for the sake of argument.
Big tick for projection here. bf States for the angry often in very stressful sitches "how can you be so calm?"

Things I heaped on my self included being trusting enough and realaxed enough to be intermit in the bedroom and enjoy. These I ticked off. Before bf, with a gb bootie call.
I proved with all the rubbish that I can and my worth wasn't dictated by him. Ever.

I do know my list won't stand for lots I allowed before. I won't allow myself to be assaulted even as xh2 said accidentally. Nor will I allow those humiliating behaviours he used so well in the guise of making me better.

I also just won't be bothered thinking I can offer others anything they need. They need something they can just ask. I won't help out expecting a return either that was a complaint of xh2 he never got enough return on investment. That's not any kind of r friend or otherwise I want to be in.

Something I will advise any one who reads make a list of complaints it was talked about here. If you are like me and unsure due to abuse how true and where you might need to work on your self see if others make similar complaints.


Tick off the list, you might be surprised how much isn't valid. As cadet says spend the time.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Re: May your fantasies come true [Re: Ggrass] #2613746
10/09/15 05:13 AM
10/09/15 05:13 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,720
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jim0987 Offline
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jim0987  Offline
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J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,720
Hi Gg.

Great to see you back and it seems like things are going well for you.

I think that list is a good one. It's easy to take what they say to heart no matter how unfounded.

I've found looking at the lies my XW is clinging onto in the divorce paperwork makes me realise just how my M can't gave been good for me.

Have a great weekend.


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
Re: May your fantasies come true [Re: jim0987] #2613784
10/09/15 10:57 AM
10/09/15 10:57 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,118
G
Ggrass Offline OP
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Ggrass  Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,118
If she really wanted jim gone why would she cling?

Cause she's not sure she done... Not 100% sure and down in the bit she might not even see she is still attached.

Just my take otherwise you divorce and let go.....

Last edited by Ggrass; 10/09/15 10:58 AM.

M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
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