Somewhere inside your WW is a good woman and mum. She was before she went wayward and when the fog lifts I have always believed she would be again. I recollect she had been responsible for her siblings.
In the end it's always the LBS who lets go. I always felt this OM was a dilly dally and really not into a full on R with WW.
Unpleasant fellow.
I have always had some sympathy for your WW, slightly offbeat, arty and lost dressing the kids in snow anoraks and flip flops. Being a mum in her own unique way.
Just lost and in fog, a little like RDs WW.
I am still here posting away! Thank you for the update MCS, do drop in on Vs thread if you don't see a post, I would be delighted to hear your update.
I suspect you are right, the penny has dropped that OM isn't the big kahuna she thought and that MCS is the man only a fool would leave.
Next step is discovering she is a fool.
Keep us updated
Your chum
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thanks for the post.cglad to see we are both still checking it out. Don't lose hope about the commication. Over a beer, I can tell you that I know how everything seemed to go down leading up to this change of WW and it does not seem to have been a good thing at all. In fact, knowing how it finally came to a screeching halt for WW actually shows that her identication of her "selfishness" seems to be because the OM was. It sustainable anymore; not because of the kids, me, MR, etc. whatever it was, I'm just glad it (appears) to have snapped her out of it. Knowing this concerns me as I write this next paragraph.
So, looking back through the last post, the meeting we had is still on my mind. I guess I'm still confused with where I actually stand. We've had more communication via text and email than we every had before which is good. I went to my L the other day (by which she said I did a good job holding firm on my conditions) and in the end said I should sign it and send it back to her L. I said that I wanted W to sign first. I talked to the lawyer about OM and the reasons I pretty much know it is done (well at least WW thinking there is a R with OM) and the L then asked if WW has asked to Reconcile. I said no, she's still pushing things through and then L asked what I would say if so. Not that the L is a counselor, but she knows me enough now to know how I've felt. In all honesty, I'm not sure what I would want. It's a theoretical situation, but I still struggle daily with how my heart and my head feel about it. This all concerns me because 18 months later, I still haven't sorted it out.
With GF, it's still going good; we are really good friends. However, both being LBH's I see that we are starting to be in different phases of recovery and feel different about our sitches now compared to before. See my phase above and for GF, I think she's at the point that she's 'done' with her spouse.
So, I'd say I'm doing much, much better but am at the point that I'm just confused on what 'I' actually want. It's definitely in a place of being okay with whatever the future may hold, just unsure of what that is.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
Didn't see your post when I just replied, but it's good to hear from you. I've taken a hiatus from the board; but have felt over the last couple weeks the need to come back. Cause MCS is slightly confused and unsettled as of late.
I feel the same way (sympathetic) for WW, too. I think in some form, that is clouding my judgement of the reality of the sitch that lead up to her leaving me,
As always, your posts are impeccably timed, I didn't read yours before I posted. As my musings back and forth of my post are succinctly summarized by reading your last few sentences. They made me chuckle.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
It's been a while and I had some free time tonight and figured I'd check out the board.
First, if you are new to this board and have no idea who I am, I'd like to say this.....
It will get better, I wish it was, but it's not like a sudden enlightenment by any means. Even now that I'm near the end of the whole DB process, while the result is not what I ever wanted; I see DB stopping the emotional tailspin that has in cases ruined people. I know more about myself, my strengths, my weaknesses, my resolve to protect my children. I see that while we got married together, unfortunately sometimes just an individual can tear it apart. While we all have faults in a marriage, sometimes those faults don't cause a divorce. Sometimes, it's things we have no influence or control over. It's sad, disappointing but we can all recover from it. It takes time, tears, self-reflection, confusion and resolve (amongst other things) but it will get better. I'd be the last to say perfect, but "getting better" is where I stand today. My heart goes out to all of you, no one should have to go though this, but your amongst so many wonderful people here in the board, it's a godsend.
So, for those that have followed my sitch....Some updates.
Officially Divorced: legal and finances settled. WW seems to be out of her fog to an extent. She's getting back to being the mom she was before all of this. Our communication is much, much better. 1,000 times better than last year. Although still not where I'd like it to be in the end; We come up with consensus' on things, coordinate schedules, have even attended things for the kids together. Pretty sure OM is completely finished. Not sure about anything else at all going on in her life. Although, She's still not reconciled with her family and friends about the D and affair and those relationships seem to be non existent. However, I see little by little she's starting to amend some things.
For me, I'm doing well. I'm not whistling while I work, but I'm out of the crisis. I'm Sad about the whole sitch for kids, for her, for me. It never needed to go this way.
In saying that, I look back and see very little that I would have changed going through the sitch. I recognize you all here and a great set of friends keeping my head on straight, going slow, steady and deliberate. I'm proud of myself staying that way helped lead to better communications and for the kids that was my one goal that I had some control over throughout this. Being together with kids and WW for certain events now, I see the change in the kids tendencies between WW and myself, others have seen it too. I see I was the stability for them through this, but I also see that WW is starting to re-establish that with them. A little hard at times because I need to pull back even more then and let WW gain that back with them.
WW was a fool to walk away. I look back and we had a good M, a good R, a good family, good kids, a good W and a good H. I don't see anything fundamentally wrong with any of it. However WW was fighting demons that she didn't share and with only surface communications (for whatever reason) it festered and was cancerous without me know. WW let no one close to her in and then OM came around. She got duped....big time. To this day, all she would have to do is ask and I'd try whatever it would take to work through it. Not sure why I feel that way either I'm emphatic or stubborn. Either way, it doesn't matter.
I don't know what is next for MCS. The future seems easier to swallow than before, but the uncertainty still wears on me. Struggling to understand my individual needs and my responsibility as a dad. Kids are doing well and I've set up a great environment and home life for them with laughing and love and caring. Although, I yearn for the daily companionship and knowing someone has my back. Not sure how to make that desire complement the home life and balance for the children. That's next step for MCS.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
