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So, I got served with papers. Have met with my lawyer and will start working out how much I need to pay her to buy her out of the house. For the kids, she put in the agreement the same schedule as we have now. Me the weekdays, her the weekends. I'm sure we'll tweak it for some days for me to have a weekend once a month.

I really don't know how WW is doing or what she's doing. Still the bare minimum contact, even about the kids. I wrote some stuff in the agreement to improve it, but I don't think she feels there's a problem.

For me, I'm doing fine. I'm still in a relationship with another LBS and it's going good. We both seem to be on the same page with not rushing into anything, working through our sitchs individually, focus on our kids, etc. all the stuff that seems to be conservative and right given the circumstances. I've gotten to the acceptance phase and my life 'feels' normal day to day. There's still a lot of work I need to do for myself, but I can see I'm going to be just fine out of all of this. I've become the rock for my kids, their stability, I've accepted the things I can't control, and have made peace with myself that the things in the marriage that I own we're not the cause of what happened. What it was was a normal marriage with one person struggle herself and not asking (anyone) for help. There wasn't any way I could address what she never told me was bothering her.

I hope she gets the help she needs to be okay with her decisions. But I think the fantasy had not burst for her and is still getting fooled by OM that he's going to leave his GF. Until WW sees this for what it is, she'll continue down the cheese less tunnel that got her here. If anything it's a sad story of someone having everything going for her, but she couldn't reconcile with her inner struggles. I wish her the best and hope we can work the communication with regards to the kids out in due time.


M:36 W:37
T: 15 M:11
S6 D5
BD: 8/10/14
IDLY: 8/12/14
S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids)
D Mentioned: 10/15/14
Confronted about OM: 10/15/14
EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13
She filed: 8/15 (not final)
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Wow MCS.

Thanks for the update. What a year it has been.

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I see it's been two months, so you may have checked out from this community, but I want to say goodbye. You've been a brother in arms in this struggle and I'm glad to see that you've reached a good place in your life.


M39 D6 D3 (at S)
S 2014-09
D 2016-09

"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
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Mozzo,

Still checking in, although not really reading many posts as I was. To say everything is back to normal would be a lie; but life as a whole has seemed to be balanced out. The pain is muted, but still there. WW is still wayward, not sure if she'll ever get back and if so, not sure I'll be able to see it. I know she's still struggling and now seems to be retracted into a shell, but this is only the little glimpses I get from things kids tell me in passing. So much more, I feel bad for her and the struggles she is having. Our communication has only barely, slightly improved. That's still my focus, to see if we can get to a point where we can co-parent. However, I've relegated to understanding that needs to be her decision. I can't press or she pulls back. So, I'm taking what life has dealt; even though I'm still sad for my kids that she doesn't want any interaction with me and her and the kids together. I'm being the best dad I can and see my relationship with my kids so much closer than it ever was before. I see I'm their stability and it feels good to be there for them.

For me, still dating and it's turned into a nice friendship getting each other through our rough spots of life. I see that each of us are starting to get the spring back in our step individually but sharing stuff with each other that only people going through similar situations can understand. In a sense, paying it forward from the support here on the board.

Mozza, I hope you are doing well too. There's going to be times that we look back through our lives and see that others have held us up until we regained out footing. You sir, will be in that select group for me. Our semi-anonymous friendship going through the pain is one shining example of how we are never truly alone on this world. I thank you and wish you the best too (I also will check in to see how you are doing)


M:36 W:37
T: 15 M:11
S6 D5
BD: 8/10/14
IDLY: 8/12/14
S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids)
D Mentioned: 10/15/14
Confronted about OM: 10/15/14
EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13
She filed: 8/15 (not final)
Joined: Nov 2015
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I have read your thread and this is a path way that I am on I know I have to take the next step

Concept

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So it's been a while. Not sure if any of the folks following my thread are still out here. Seems as if out of the blue (kind of) WW's fog has lifted. Looking back, it seems like a lot has happened over the last 4 months with her. I've had really no contact, so I just got a general feel from the kids on what was going on. I think she hit rock bottom. She bet on OM leaving his GF when she left me and I think after 18 months she's finally accepted it wouldn't happen. Anyway, I've noticed that she's been more involved with stuff with the kids since this time and then she started to contact me on going over the separation agreement w/o lawyers. She was adamant before to not do any of that with me personally. So last week, we sat down and all of the triggers and anger and all of the other things I've wrote seem gone. We had a (focused) but cordial 2+ hour meeting going through the agreement. We reached consensus on pretty much everything. In the end, we had some more personal conversation and she said that she realized how selfish she has been and put the kids and everyone else on the outside and distanced herself from everyone. She also apologized for putting me and the kids through that. It was very surprising given the last 18 months, but it seems like she's back to her personality from before.

Anyway right now, I'm just happy that the interaction is much better with regard to the kids and I hope she continues to heal.


M:36 W:37
T: 15 M:11
S6 D5
BD: 8/10/14
IDLY: 8/12/14
S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids)
D Mentioned: 10/15/14
Confronted about OM: 10/15/14
EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13
She filed: 8/15 (not final)
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Awesome. Take everything slow. Don't really stray from what you were doing but show a path back if she wants to walk it.


M 37
W 34

T 12
M 8
D 7
S 4

Need break 4/12/15
W no ring 7/7/15

Separate room 4/12/15
Separate living suggested 8/15
W moved out 11/1/15
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That is good her fog has lifted possibly. Hopefully you guys will be able to coparent now better. Seems like positive steps in the right direction.


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


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Originally Posted By: Rednail
That is good her fog has lifted possibly. Hopefully you guys will be able to coparent now better. Seems like positive steps in the right direction.


Yes, definitely. When talking, I explained how I view us co-parenting; which really hasn't changed since the beginning. During the thick of the sitch, she kept saying that there was no need to communicate at all other than email. Now she says we need to work together and make sure that we communicate about things, etc. All very, very good signs.

As far as path back home, I frankly don't think there's really any way that it would be easy. Not because how I've acted, but more how she has acted to all of the friends and family. Regardless (it doesn't matter at this point anyway) when she was saying how she was sorry that she had acted that way, I told her that I still just hope that she can be happy. I said this about a year ago and she accused me of lying to her. At this point, we just exchanged a tearful gaze at each other. I feel bad that she thought this is what was going to make her happy and so much was thrown away because of it.


M:36 W:37
T: 15 M:11
S6 D5
BD: 8/10/14
IDLY: 8/12/14
S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids)
D Mentioned: 10/15/14
Confronted about OM: 10/15/14
EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13
She filed: 8/15 (not final)
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,532
Likes: 1
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Thanks for the update, MCS! I'm glad I came around to see what was up with you. I welled up when I read the news, probably because I wish I could hear those words from WW one day. It sounds like it's exactly what you wanted, namely more communication and better co-parenting. I must admit that I didn't know when we'd see this and that it might be never. It is very possible, as you say, that it happened because she finally gave up on OM.

How do you feel about D at the moment? Is it still affecting your mood? Any particular challenges? Goals? Still with your GF from the summer?

And thanks a lot for your kind words in your message from November. It's touching to know that you see me as a helpful person through these difficult times that we went through. I'm easily triggered now when I hear of a separation, especially one with a LBH, and I really want to help them. To know that I've done it somehow for you is very touching. I can say the same thing about you, as I see you in a core of LBH that went through the same pain at the same time, and I greatly relied on your virtual presence to keep my head above the water at the time. Thanks a lot!

By the way, I've moved to "Surviving the Big D". Given that the worst is over, that it's been over a year and that I no longer want to R, I didn't fit in with the newcomers anymore. I hope you'll continue to give us an update, especially given the recent movements.


M39 D6 D3 (at S)
S 2014-09
D 2016-09

"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
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