Right now: I have made the decision to spend the weekend with the children and do not think about if it helps W or not. I love my kids and they love me. Once I stopped being stubborn and stopped caring about her "interpretation", it was a no-brainer.
Your replies to my desperate and weird posts really helped me to get back on track. Applying the basic principles and building the right mindset and not get caught up with "strategy A vs strategy B".
Everything I read, that really gives me the aha-moment, is about detachment. NMMNG and Models are the most read ones right now.
Physical detachment is a more or less simple concept for me, but the emotional detachment is another story. Due to the fact that I am A) not used to recognize my emotions and B) usually deal with them in the way of getting approval from others or just pushing them away, I really struggle at this point.
Do you have any hands-on advice for starting and moving on with emotional detachment?
Me 46 W 45 S16 D14 S10 M 20 yrs in June T22 12/14 sleeping in different rooms 01/07/15 she said she wants a separation 02/26/15 I moved out
That is a tough question. As a codependent person, I was living for the approval of others. My game was, to make the other people happy and than they would feed me with love. So I have difficulties to answer this one. Although, when I think about it:
I love watching my bee hive. I love to walk the streets at night. I love to sit in the garden with a nice cup of tea. I love to chat with my kids. Most of the time I love my job. I love to take long showers. I love to take the dog out for a walk on a rainy day. I love to sit in a café, watching people. I love dancing, when no one is around. I love to watch a good horror movie. I love baking for others. I love reading books about psychology and sociology. I love to listen to good singer- songwriters. I love to watch stand-up comedy.
Well, there is actually plenty of stuff. I am amazed. Usually I do not ask myself what I enjoy.
Me 46 W 45 S16 D14 S10 M 20 yrs in June T22 12/14 sleeping in different rooms 01/07/15 she said she wants a separation 02/26/15 I moved out
The first day with the kids was great. I am glad, that I am here right now. We have had a BBQ yesterday, D14 and I enjoyed a movie, I play with the dog, have coffee, make music, we are chatting and having fun.
Yesterday W offered me to sleep in the children room. My first reaction was: "sounds ok, it does not matter where I sleep". In the end I chose the MBR. Because I am not a child and I want to sleep in MY bed and not in a children room. Oh, how I have missed this mattress. For the first time in weeks I have slept like a baby. Never underestimate a good mattress.
Me 46 W 45 S16 D14 S10 M 20 yrs in June T22 12/14 sleeping in different rooms 01/07/15 she said she wants a separation 02/26/15 I moved out
Can you move back in permanently? Stay in the MBR now that you are there?
That is what I would suggest as the #1 priority!
When she asked me to leave the house asap, I accepted, because I was desperate and would have done everything to make her happy. That was about 7 weeks ago. We have signed the contract for the rented house both. So legally I could move back whenever I want to. But that would cause REAL trouble. Than the s**t would really hit the fan.
Me 46 W 45 S16 D14 S10 M 20 yrs in June T22 12/14 sleeping in different rooms 01/07/15 she said she wants a separation 02/26/15 I moved out
She would think that I pursue her and she would feel pressured by me being in the house. She is redecorating stuff, painting the wardrobe and so on. In her future plans, I am no longer part of this household. I will not make things worse, although it is not a manly thing to let your spouse tell you where you have to live.
Last edited by koalada; 04/11/1501:45 PM.
Me 46 W 45 S16 D14 S10 M 20 yrs in June T22 12/14 sleeping in different rooms 01/07/15 she said she wants a separation 02/26/15 I moved out
Do you have a custody agreement or arrangement for the kids? Also when you moved out did you split the household "stuff" or is there anything still remaining besides the bed that you want? Cause I dont know your laws but here it could be seen as abandonment and forfiture of it.
