Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 7 of 10 1 2 5 6 7 8 9 10
Cadet #2557179 04/14/15 05:18 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 157
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 157
Heavy, I don't necessarily think you need her approval if it doesn't require any commitment during her time with the kids. That said, I probably would give her a heads up because it's related to the kids. Would you want to know if roles were reversed?


Me: 30
H: 35
M: 5 years
S2
Signs of MLC started Feb 2014
BD - PA July 2014
Piecing/reconciling late July 2014
Cadet #2557188 04/14/15 05:53 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,807
H
HeavyD Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,807
Thank you for posting this. I feel a lot better about the Boy Scouts now. Looks like I will be wearing two hats - Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts for the next few years. How is that for GAL?

ow, if I could just GAL for little old me. It would be nice to share all of this with.


Was made a better person by DB'ers
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,807
H
HeavyD Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,807
Yes! I would want to know.


Was made a better person by DB'ers
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,807
H
HeavyD Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,807
So now my W has contacted my L either on or before the deadline (couple of days).

There goes the theory she won't respond.


Was made a better person by DB'ers
Cadet #2557364 04/15/15 02:55 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,922
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,922
Heavy,

I just realized you were posting under a different name- now it all makes sense. You are a thinker and I like that. However, it can drive you crazy and cause OCD thoughts. I have a few snippets and am no expert, however please take it for what it's worth.

You are on the right track but I still sense so much anger in your posts. I understand- I do. However, try to get on the high road and stay there. Some days, I feel like I'm driving a purple Yugo at max speed down a one way street. Maybe the brakes don't work, the vanity plate is hanging off, and it's midnight in the desert. You can't see caca clearly. But you keep driving. You crank up some Ella Henderson and sing (loudly I might add) along with that song "Pray" or maybe some Bon Jovi. You smile. You laugh. You hug your kids. And even though the road feels treacherous some times, you say, " F it. I'm doing my best and I'm becoming the best I can be." And you keep you foot on the gas and think about adding some bumper stickers. It can be lonely but you just keep going forward.

You seem like a wonderful lady and a devoted mother. Yes, it absolutely sukks when the kids are hurt. However, you will drive yourself Snickers bar nutty trying to predict the future and what your W thinks, will do, won't do, may do, considers maybe doing..,

You've received some great advice. Continue to be cordial. Don't analyze post cards or what she *may * think about the letter. D is a business transaction- not exactly sexay. However, your priority is to protect yourself and the kids. Let W solve or not solve her issues. It's really her deal. Don't worry about what she has to do to R or what needs to happen to R.

Hang in there :-)

Last edited by Georgiabelle; 04/15/15 03:04 AM.


3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,807
H
HeavyD Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,807
Thanks Georgiabelle

You are right - I changed my username.

I am working on the anger issue. Its very difficult for me and my IC said that we all get there in our own time. I am just not there yet. Maybe one day.

Best - HeavyD


Was made a better person by DB'ers
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,922
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,922
Heavy,

I'm sorry if my post sounded cavalier as I don't want to minimize what you feel. It's okay to feel anger-I think most of us feel a pang or two even when we are further out because it does seem unfathomable that the person we trusted is behaving the way they are. It's baffling.

Sorry -mini hijack. I watched a great deal of the immediate fallout play out on Twitter. No, I could not stay away from the train wreck even though peeps here asked why I was watching. Why? I was incredulous that the man I had 3 kids with was taking about how horribly abusive I was while his gf posted about my vajayjay and that if he had pulled out 12 years ago, then he wouldn't have been in this sitch. I'm sorry to be graphic , but trust me, much more graphic stuff was posted. And his new 20 something friends coddled him and told him how brave he was. Meanwhile, even though I was such a wretch, he had no problem leaving his 3 children for me to raise for 90% of the time. A recent could have been slap in the face? I sent him something my s5 said and he texted back that "everyone at work laughed hysterically at my text and said I sounded really funny." These were the same people who declared me publicly an "evil b!tch." I was incredulous for a moment and then shrugged. I don't know these people and I don't know him now either.

What do you do? You realize they aren't the same and that is difficult. Do they ever return? As you read here, they do and they are different. Just like you will always forever changed as a result of this. You are strong, determined and a loving mother. Let your W deal with her car wreck. It's on her.

You are doing great:-)



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,807
H
HeavyD Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,807
Thanks GeorgiaBelle

Yes, we share the villification from the one person we trusted in or lives (our partners). The incredible display's of no empathy are astonishing. My WW actually said "I am tired of you giving me your grief, how long is this going to take." I had nothing to say to that.

As for now, I have hired a L and will let it play out. I don't talk or email unless it's about kids stuff.

No, I am not the same nor will I ever be, maybe I am stronger now, that is what I hope. I strive to be the best mom I can be and the best person I can be. I hold my head high and ignore what I can. I too hate the cheerleaders who encourage the affair calling it brave and the "right thing to do".

I agree, I don't know who my Partner is anymore, I have had enough pain for a lifetime. I just want this to be over at this point. I am nervous because the WW answers my L letter Friday. That will give me some indidication of which way I will move forward.

Please pray for me and my family and I will do the same for you.

Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words. I really needed to hear them at this time.


Was made a better person by DB'ers
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,807
H
HeavyD Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,807
My L has been contated by my WAW. She has until Friday to contact him with her decision on how to proceed.

I have a good L who is reasonably confident that I have a good case wih regards to and property.

I am nervous of course as to what will come, but have to face my fears. My mind keeps cycling back to "why did this happen and how did this happen" but I know those are answers I will never get. I refer to Sandi's list frequently which provide a measure of comfort.

How I wish I could make it all go away by her "coming to her senses" and saying this was all a mistake, etc..." I realize that is all a fantasy in my head and I have to not go there.

Please keep me and my family in your thoughs and prayers as we embard on this terrible process. A process that I did not want.

I used to think my WAW would be mad at me if I contacted a L - now I see that as manipulation on her part.

My question now is I feel like the financial realitieis of this divorce are going to hit her hard. I am fearful that she will view this as vindictive on my part. I am playing this over in my head. I don't want to appear vindictive yet I want legally what is mine and my children's. How will this play out if there is ANY CHANCE of reconcilliation in the future. The only image she will have of me is a cold vindictive money hungry person. And that is NOT who I am.
I guess I hae to let go of how she may or may not perceive me now.

Sad.


Was made a better person by DB'ers
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,807
H
HeavyD Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,807
WW does not even know she is in crisis. This is her pattern that I have seen on at least 4 occassions both inside and pre relationship with me. Its her habit and way of moving on with people. Only this time it's with me.

The only difference is that I have been in her life for 19 years. That's a long time, way longer than any of the others. I don't know why we lasted 19 years - maybe kids, maybe just being older, who knows.

The only thing I really know for certain is that I don't want to be on her ride. I know it's not healthy for me or my kids and goes against my integrity and moral line in the sand.

Lord give me strength.


Was made a better person by DB'ers
Page 7 of 10 1 2 5 6 7 8 9 10

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard