Complex #7 - the green(-card) mile

[DaddyLongShanks]

Karma strikes again! How many times does the OM/OW turn out to be the worst decision of the WAS life? Ha Ha. Love it!

It's well over 50% of the time, probably over 75% of the time!

[Starsky309]

Sounds like W still thinks I was a mistake tho. Something tells me I could win her back if I'd make more 180s etc. but right now, I just want to be who I am. Not change myself. Bc I'm good the way I am. And that's the only way I want to be loved. That's what I deserve. And by no means I want to be plan B. Period.

[Complex]

It's really funny still. I don't wanna feel good about someone else feeling bad. But this certainly felt good.
She's the one screwed now.
No wonder she was that friendly recently, since OM got himself a girlfriend and now he proposed after only 2 months. So funny. He obviously wasn't into my W thaaaat much.
It kind of feels like a switch of power. I feel like I'm in the (much) better position now. DBing at its finest. I'm the one with the great perspective now, good life, I can find a new partner, I'm fairly happy, grew a lot. And where's W at???

[Starsky309]

It kind of feels like a switch of power. I feel like I'm in the (much) better position now. DBing at its finest. I'm the one with the great perspective now, good life, I can find a new partner, I'm fairly happy, grew a lot. And where's W at???

Learn to use your new power in humility and toward worthy ends, Complex. Sometimes the high road carries the greater burden. Draw satisfaction from your stance so far, yes, but continue to treat your wife with humility and grace and you never know what the future might hold.

This is a battle I fight often, and have had to learn over time.


Starsky

[Complex]

This is a very wise statement.
Right now I do not see any remorse from W yet anyway. It'll take time for her to reflect what happened. And I also think she is either way very firm in her believes still. She's a stubborn head.
I don't see ANY kind of affection or regret from her side. I'll try to treat her with respect and will take the high road. I'm sure she's still far away from having learned her lesson. She truly 100% believes we are just not a good match. And this way, I must agree.

[Starsky309]

I find it helps to remind yourself that you're not 100% of the way there either. Maybe just a little further along your path.

[Complex]

This is true too. Ibecoming the best you is an impossible task and a life long journey tho. It's an attitude, not something that can ultimately be achieved.
But I am who I am, which is good.

[Complex]

How am I dealing with my feelings now?
Me and pretty much EVERYONE thinks she is a complete idiot to divorce me.
I'm so beyond catering her in any way. I'm mad. I want to forgive her, and I will. But what a fool she is.
There's no deep communication between me and her. Do you guys think it would be ok to have some sort of a talk with her?
I want to move on with my live. I have the urge to let those things behind. I feel stuck. I want to move out. But it's my martial home. I should ask a lawyer and should I have a talk with W about it? I want to take initiative. But of course I need to wait on my greencard.
Mehhh. Sorry guys. Just some things flying around in my head I needed to let out.
Thanks

[Complex]

Fakk. Lightning just stroke me. Had a humongous emotional setback. I don't even know why.
I had this huge discussion with W. Very mad. Lots of blaming. Trying to make her understand. She did the same. It was pretty nasty.
I kind of had the feeling I'm over it. I'll give in. So I suggested we go to a therapist together, sort out our feelings, get rid of the grief so we have a closure and are able to move on without this very bitter taste in our mouth.
She still believed I only want this to get her back, disagreed etc. then escalation.

And I don't even give a damn.
It is what it is. I just want to move on and never see her again. I'll find happiness somewhere else.

[Sotto]

Hi Complex, I'm so sorry to hear about what's happened - that's tough. It sounds as though you were struggling to process things yourself in your earlier post, and then you and your W had a talk. When we're in a strong place, we can better handle or deflect convos like that - but it's harder if they catch us at a vulnerable moment. I can't recall, but are you seeing an IC yourself right now? I did for a while and it did help me come to a more settled and clear place about things in my mind.

The best advice I can give is not to make big decisions based on emotion. You are saying in your post that you don't give a damn, want to move on and never see her again. Of course when things settle, those feelings may well change, so do bear with them and give yourself some time to process things. We all experience backslides and it needn't be the end if you don't want it to be. You get to decide.

Hope you have a better day :-)