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Re: Escaping a Dr. Seuss Nightmare [Re: job] #2559132
04/20/15 01:25 PM
04/20/15 01:25 PM
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,666
Ohio
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LoisB Offline
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Quote:
Be careful...in some cases, this is how stalking begins.


Just stopped by for a glance and read this latest...I agree with Job.

In fact, my first thought was...scary guy. And, he knows you are living alone. He sounds like someone who could come unhinged fairly easily and/or have some strange assumptions about a "non-existent" relationship with you. Be careful Mighty.

If he keeps it up, reach out to friends and maybe even report it to the police...IDK? Never been in this situation.

We seem to attract some weirdos, initially, when we are recovering from all of this. Maybe they sense our vulnerability? Just thinking aloud.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Re: Escaping a Dr. Seuss Nightmare [Re: LoisB] #2559167
04/20/15 03:59 PM
04/20/15 03:59 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,350
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kml Online
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Posts: 16,350
Well. living with an 18 year old son at home hardly constitutes "living alone". And I think it's a big jump to stalking.

Nonetheless, it's important to be completely clear with people like this. Something along the lines of:

"I'm sorry if I've given you the wrong impression, but I'm not interested in you and I think it is highly inappropriate for you, as a married man, to be contacting me like this. Please stop."

Re: Escaping a Dr. Seuss Nightmare [Re: kml] #2559368
04/21/15 12:34 AM
04/21/15 12:34 AM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,249
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Mighty Offline OP
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Mighty  Offline OP
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Hi guys. Thanks for all of your input on this. I see valid points with what everyone said.

Here is the bottom line. It is inappropriate, and it makes me uncomfortable.

And here is what I am learning about me. When I get pissed, I am firm. And people knew where I stood. Yet, when I'm uncomfortable, I don't always let that be known. I make a joke, brush it off. Maybe I'm not used to being uncomfortable... not much stuff makes me feel that way. So, especially if I'm caught off guard, I think I just joke it off, remove myself, and hope it goes away.

Now, I thought I was clear previously by saying no, go home to your wife, not gonna happen, and ignoring other inappropriate things. But, I guess not everyone is that easy. And, was it job who said he has created this image in his mind?!

That seems to be exactly right! Like he has created this scenario in his mind of what he wants and is going with is... not realizing... its not. Maybe I am way off here. Maybe he is just like this with everyone. Either way, it isn't going to continue. And I dont' want to make a bigger deal about it than it is.

It has just been a learning process for me. And i think, more than anything, I am annoyed that someone I considered a friend was so inappropriate knowing what I am dealing with. And what really ticked me off the most was him telling me what to do.

I do think he got the point. He came to see me first thing this morning... I was busy and just said hi and kept doing what I was doing without really looking. Then later, he came into a room he didn't know i was in. And... it was a little awkward. Then he starts in with, "What's your deal with not listening to your voice mail?" He knew before I didn't bc he gave me shid about inbox full. And he was telling me how awesome the message was. I just said I dont' care and I wasn't going to. I saw him a few other times, and it was just weird. Didn't really speak.

If he addresses me alone, I will break it down. Like I said, I may not be good when I'm uncomfortable, but perfectly capable when I'm upset, annoyed, or pissed... I've reached that point.

OK, too much time on that... but... it's a growing pain for me. Plus, interesting to see what I've awoken to.

Now, with that said, there is another person who I believe is reading my posts here. I am super annoyed about it. I have thought it for a very long time, but, like I've said before, didn't put much care or concern into much. I just was better off saying... naw. It's ok. Living in naive ignorance. It was easier.

During a conversation, it came up that I do have a group of people I confide in. And... my name (here) came up... bc we kept coming across it (not online... but while hanging out). It was an honest conversation. Not telling about this, but just in conversation. And, I didn't think too much about it... again... ignorant that it is all out there!

Now, red flags abound.... many other things. But cyber stalking people in my sitch. Frequent drive-bys of people in the sitch. Simply for entertainment purposes. I have been told, randomly, by this person, Oh yeah... blah, blah, blah.... I knew that bc I was bored last night and cyber stalking hww.

I know this person knows stuff they don't tell me. But, also casually throw things in there.

I know! What am I doing??!!

Here's the thing. I know I am putting it all out there, but at the same time... this is very personal. And as a friend, I would expect to have that respected. I never gave the forum, and had even said I don't post anymore (after I said it).

Now, I'm annoyed about it. I feel like you wouldn't eavesdrop on your friend's counseling session or read their diary or medical records or anything like that. So, what's the difference?

Maybe I have turned into a paranoid freak? But, I'm not paranoid, really. I'm just reassessing whom I choose to have in my life. What benefits do I gain.

So, this person, perhaps, is probably going to read this tonight. I get that vibe. Especially after last night's post. But hey... don't bother asking me what's wrong. Now you know.

One more thing....

Re: Escaping a Dr. Seuss Nightmare [Re: Mighty] #2559371
04/21/15 12:49 AM
04/21/15 12:49 AM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,249
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Mighty Offline OP
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OK, here is the one more thing....

Just posting on my mental and emotional location. Things that are good are just that. Good. I have the strength to appreciate and value them.

Still on a bit of an emotional boomerang. Back and forth. Pretty good, but... well... you know.

I mean, as I enter acceptance, I still find that what has happened is still unbelievable. When I think about what we were, I just can't believe we are here. That he could do this to me and my kids.

Having thoughts of revenge. Not that I'm going to. I mean, I'm not going to drive anyone into a tree, but... my mind is pretty creative.

When I read about that way back after nuke, the whole revenge thing, I remember thinking that I never even felt that. And how I was surprised that I didn't. Well.....

Is it normal? Am I further behind than I thought? Again... the same thing still bugs me. This show of a perfect family and kids. I mean... she really pulls out all the stops of portraying, really, what she believes she has! I mean seriously... don't you guys know??? It her world, and we are all living in it?

Naw... not really. I know this. I don't feel overly emotional about it. I just feel... creative.

I think I know why I don't sleep. I'm afraid to. I hate to sleep. I dread it. Yet, I am always tired. Even when I am bed and it's 3AM and my eyes are burning... I don't want to sleep.

Because then I can't control my thoughts. I always wake up about 10 min after I fall asleep with a jolt and horrific thoughts burning in my mind and my adrenaline is pumping... so I spend hours after that like a mental prisoner of war. So... I'd rather not sleep.

Other than that. Life is fabulous.

Oh, except this dummy... my mind is so out of it. Add to it my blonde moments...

Today I got up the courage to go to the grocery store. I cant remember the last time I've been in this place. Even when I think I'm going to go and plan it, I don't. I'm always afraid of running into someone and I am afraid it won't end good.

But I went! And owned it. But, I realized I was talking to myself for the majority of the time. When I saw some kid looking at me like I was crazy, I realized I had been doing it for awhile. Aaaahhhhh!!!!!

Then, as I was leaving... omg... there was a rubber stop sign in the walkway in front of the store- about 4 feet tall. I drove into it, over it, and it popped up on the side of my car and I had no option but to continue driving over it again with my back end. Duh. There was a guy driving up in the other direction. He put his hand over his mouth and made bug eyes and laughed. I got out and he said, "I think you're fine, I'd just leave." I checked it out, and it was, but I also know my mind was highly distracted... and i think I was talking to myself again.

OMG, you guys, if I start accumulating cats next... we have a serious problem. As of now, I have zero of them. Let's keep it that way. If I ever post that I'm getting one, please send reinforcements. I don't want to be that lady.

Re: Escaping a Dr. Seuss Nightmare [Re: Mighty] #2559378
04/21/15 01:01 AM
04/21/15 01:01 AM
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,666
Ohio
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LoisB Offline
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Just be careful and extra safe Mighty.

Remember the nerdy student I tutored, looked like a wishy-washy pushover dork? Well, he obsessed about things and seemed to misunderstand all sorts of social cues. He ended up raping a 6-year-old in my living room while I was outside with 8 kids and my college student assistant.

I think we give off a weird vibe initially when we digest all this trauma. Just my .02


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Re: Escaping a Dr. Seuss Nightmare [Re: Mighty] #2559391
04/21/15 01:58 AM
04/21/15 01:58 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 176
NY
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Hope414 Offline
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Originally Posted By: Mighty
Now, with that said, there is another person who I believe is reading my posts here. I am super annoyed about it. I have thought it for a very long time, but, like I've said before, didn't put much care or concern into much. I just was better off saying... naw. It's ok. Living in naive ignorance. It was easier.

During a conversation, it came up that I do have a group of people I confide in. And... my name (here) came up... bc we kept coming across it (not online... but while hanging out). It was an honest conversation. Not telling about this, but just in conversation. And, I didn't think too much about it... again... ignorant that it is all out there!

Now, red flags abound.... many other things. But cyber stalking people in my sitch. Frequent drive-bys of people in the sitch. Simply for entertainment purposes. I have been told, randomly, by this person, Oh yeah... blah, blah, blah.... I knew that bc I was bored last night and cyber stalking hww.

I know this person knows stuff they don't tell me. But, also casually throw things in there.


Hi Mighty,

Maybe you could private message the moderator the name of the person you think is invading your privacy. Everyone registers on this web site so the moderator has our email address.

The moderator can check the name (and if you have it--the email address).

If you are correct--the moderator can decide how to handle your concern. If you are wrong the moderator might be able to put your mind at ease.

Just a thought.


M: 62
H: 67
Bomb dropped: October 2012
R: 4-2014

I've never regretted saying "I'm sorry"
Re: Escaping a Dr. Seuss Nightmare [Re: LoisB] #2559392
04/21/15 02:02 AM
04/21/15 02:02 AM
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Posts: 3,622
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AJM Offline
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I think I saw a cat-starter kit somewhere on the web today. If you need ideas smile

As for the guy? Like you need that cr*p. Nip it in the bud and stop responding. You've told him to stop, he hasn't. So stop responding. See if he gets the message. If not, you may need to take more affirmative action.

Talking to yourself? Are you getting enough alone time, Mighty? Obviously not enough sleep - that is going to need some work, yeah?

How's the exercise? That may help more than you realize. Getting some real aggression out via hard exercise can be really helpful if you're not doing that already.

You NEED to take care of you. Be a little bit selfish about that. Put the rest on a shelf and let it go if even for a night or two. The sleep will do you a lot of good. I've been there (as has many of us) and it's much better with proper sleep, chica. Nothing, other than your kids, are worth not taking care of yourself.



AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Re: Escaping a Dr. Seuss Nightmare [Re: LoisB] #2559393
04/21/15 02:04 AM
04/21/15 02:04 AM
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,351
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uRworthy Offline
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Yup, M, bottom line - inappropriate and makes you uncomfortable means it needs to stop. Good on you for being prepared to do that.

I am sorry someone is reading you on here. That isnt appropriate or necessary either. Shame on them. I know its a public forum, but, if they are a friend they shouldnt be doing it.

As far as the revenge thing..I wouldnt worry about it, so long as it isnt something you are always thinking about or plotting. smile.
;
You will let go of that as you continue to move forward. After awhile, it is will be like...who the heck cares what they do? They have to live with themselves. You just need to stay away so you dont get any of it on you.

Ok, so I promise you I will not let you get any cats. But you have to promise me you wont run over any more innocent signs. Deal? smile

You are doing great, M. You are where you are supposed to be...on your way to being where you need to be.

Re: Escaping a Dr. Seuss Nightmare [Re: uRworthy] #2559480
04/21/15 11:08 AM
04/21/15 11:08 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 641
Connecticut
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Lifes Twists Offline
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Mighty,

I would definitely put a quick, in your face stop to this guy. Not talking or responding does not always work. I found this out a long time ago. I took a girl out in my youth for a movie date. did not click with me. She started calling me. I was nice, but did not encourage her. She started calling every night. I finally stopped taking her calls and had my parents answer. She called every night for almost a year without me taking her call or talking to her. She started showing up at places I was at and causing trouble that ended up in police being called to talk to her a few times. I should have had her charged with stalking, but was young and not as worldly as I am today. I would confront this guy with a witness. Tell him he is being to pushy and you are not interested. Explain to him that you will take the appropriate steps if he does not back off.


Twisting on Life's Rope
Me53
W53
M20
D21 D19 D16
BD 2-2013
D final 1-2015
_________________________
"Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
Re: Escaping a Dr. Seuss Nightmare [Re: Lifes Twists] #2559494
04/21/15 12:35 PM
04/21/15 12:35 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,694
Southern Maryland
job Offline

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Mighty,
I'm sorry you have someone reading your postings here. The best thing to do is disappear for a while and return under a new name. As for notifying the moderator...as I recall, anyone can view the forum w/o registering. This seems to be the norm for many of the forums in the cyber world. Yes, it would help a great deal if the forum was only available to those who log in and it would make it a bit safer...but you still would have those "lurkers" and/or "trolls" hanging around.

Mighty, if you are uncomfortable w/people in your real world reading your postings, change your forum name to something unique and don't post what your former user name was. We will find you.

As for the pesky guy, I agree w/Lifes Twists in confronting this guy w/a witness and just lay it out there that you are not interested in him or hooking up w/him. If you state you don't like him being pushy, he will take that to mean you like someone who is more subtle, etc. They don't hear what you are saying and the only way to shut them down is to say no/not interested and leave it be. The more you dance around the situation, the more determined he will be to have that contact w/you because he thinks that there is still hope.

I do hope that today is a better one for you.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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