A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


Save your marriage singlehandedly
with Divorce Busting Telephone Coaching
Call 303-444-7004 to get started right away.

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 5 1 2 3 4 5
What to do #2552371
03/30/15 10:45 AM
03/30/15 10:45 AM
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 31
1
1976 T Offline OP
Member
1976 T  Offline OP
Member
1
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 31
Seperated from wife

Re: What to do [Re: 1976 T] #2552535
03/30/15 08:00 PM
03/30/15 08:00 PM
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,666
S
sandi2 Offline
Member
sandi2  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,666
Tell us your story.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Re: What to do [Re: 1976 T] #2552536
03/30/15 08:02 PM
03/30/15 08:02 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
Florida
S
Starsky309 Offline
Member
Starsky309  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
Florida
Gonna need a little more to go on there, kellam, LOL.


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
Re: What to do [Re: Starsky309] #2552539
03/30/15 08:05 PM
03/30/15 08:05 PM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,680
Sunny Florida
T
T384 Offline
Member
T384  Offline
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,680
Sunny Florida
I lol'd at your post, Starsky


M 31 H 34
S 6 S 9
BD 2/14 Piecing 8/14
Re: What to do [Re: T384] #2552541
03/30/15 08:13 PM
03/30/15 08:13 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
S
Sotto Offline
Member
Sotto  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
Kellam, welcome to the form. You already won the prize for the shortest opening post!

If you can tell us some more about your sitch, we'll do our best to help. There are some great people on the forum. Some of us just groping our way along, and others who are wise indeed.

Keep posting. You'll get lots of support and advice here.

Toots :-)


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: What to do [Re: Sotto] #2552544
03/30/15 08:15 PM
03/30/15 08:15 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,306
NY
Cadet Offline

Member
Cadet  Offline

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,306
NY
Welcome to the board

Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.

The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy (DR) book by MWD
http://www.mcssl.com/store/mwdtc2014/
http://divorcebusting.com/sample_book_chapters.htm

You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts
(for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support).
Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active,
and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down.
Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come!
Most important - POST!

Get out and Get a Life (GAL).

DETACH.


Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.

Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:

I would start with Sandi's Rules
A list of dos and don'ts for the LBS (left behind spouse)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2380415&page=1

Going Dark
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=50956#Post5095

Detachment thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538414#Post2538414

Validation Cheat Sheet: Techniques and tips on how to validate (showing your walk away spouse (WAS) that you recognize and accept his or her opinions as valid, even if you do not agree with them)
(http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2534754&page=1).

Boundaries Cheat Sheet
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2536096#Post2536096

Abbreviations
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2183063&fpart=1

For Newcomer LBH with a Wayward Wife by sandi2
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2545554#Post2545554

Stages of the LBS
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1964990&page=1

Validation
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=191764#Post191764

Pursuit and Distance
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2483574#Post2483574

The Lighthouse Story
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2484619#Post2484619

Your H or W is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.
USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon


Me-67, D34,S33
Re: What to do [Re: Cadet] #2552548
03/30/15 08:24 PM
03/30/15 08:24 PM
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 31
1
1976 T Offline OP
Member
1976 T  Offline OP
Member
1
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 31
I have just wrote my story and submitted it. Thankyou for any advice you can give me.

Re: What to do [Re: 1976 T] #2552606
03/30/15 10:35 PM
03/30/15 10:35 PM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,157
D
dbmod Offline
Member
dbmod  Offline
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,157
Kellam-

We only show 2 posts for you. You will have to enter your story again. Be sure to hit submit.


dbmod
Re: What to do [Re: dbmod] #2552652
03/31/15 12:52 AM
03/31/15 12:52 AM
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 31
1
1976 T Offline OP
Member
1976 T  Offline OP
Member
1
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 31
My wife and I Have been married fifteen years together sixteen years. We have four year old son.
My wife has always been my best friend.
She had always had a some what restless sole, but nothing that caused problems. In late 2012 and early 2013 she became Very emotionally withdrawn from me. Then suddenly physical withdrawn.
I new some of this was my fought for bringing work issues home and not forefilling her needs emotionally.
The more I tried to fix the worse it got.
All the red flags were their of an affair.
I soon discovered she had met a guy online on a job seeking forum.
It was an emotional/physical affair. I caught them together after some heavy investigation. We separated two weeks later and I filed for divorce.
After a week or two she wanted to talk and professed how much she loved me and wanted us to a family again.
We made a new start she had ended affair and proved it to me.
It has been two years ago and we had a wonderful marriage since.
I also used divorce busters at that time. In December of 2014 I took a job in a new state for a promotion.
She had been wanting to move for a while and really pushed it for a new start and to meet people that new nothing of our past.she moved up with our son a month later December 23,2014.
We moved in our new house.
She was so happy and excited. Things were even better.
She does not work and I told her to put our son full time in school so she could have the day to do what she wanted.
She told me she wanted to go to gym like before at night to take a class.
I fully supported this.

I noticed some red flags around the end of January.
She made the comment to me while driving down the road. We needed friends of our own not couple friends all the time. She said she wanted to try some new hobbies that did not include me.
I did not think into it to much but thought this was kind of strange. It seemed that very day she became Very emotionally withdrawn from me again.
I asked her one night soon after in bed was everything ok. She said yes and not to start asking all kind of questions like before in 2013. She says you know that drives me crazy.
She started staying later and later coming in the house with always a new excuse from the gym. I never made big deal of it even though it bothered me. Than found out her car was over at a house near the gym.

She would never tell me her new friends last names and would get very defensive if I asked about them. She has never been able to lye.
She has a guilty look in her face. Then one night she was very concerned before she left for the gym where my son an I were going that night.i told her to a local motorcycle shop.
She even asked me the address.
I noticed that night she was carrying dress up clothes in her gym bag.i waited until next day and looked in her car and the bag with clothes were in front seat. When I confronted her she got very mad and accused me of checking up on her.
Told me she did this deliberately to see if I would check her car.
I asked what was going on she said the famous I love you but I am not in love with you anymore saying.

I was in utter shock.
I asked what we needed to do. Wife tells me she doesn't know how to fix it, but we needed to work on it for our marriage.
The next night she was out with the new friends again. I did not fuss.
Two days later tells me she is going out dinner that with her friend.
I supported this. I knew she was lying again I went by the house and noticed she was there for 45 minutes than left with a guy and his friend in her car.
I waited a couple hours and returned soon they pulled up to the house and went in I walked around back and confronted them.
Wife looks at me mad and said I knew you would come here checking on me because you don't trust me.
We went home and she told she wants a divorce that night so I got some clothes and left.
Two days later she calls wanting me to go marriage couseling but tells me she wants to stay separated for now because she does not know what she wants.
I gave up everything for this move. I realize there was problem in our marriage.

How could she do this and turn on me so quick.
I have begged and pleaded with here up until yesterday to let me come home while we go to couseling. She refuses saying she would be miserable with me there. It's killing me it's been 3 weeks now.
Even though she claims these were friends of hers and they met the others at a birthday party I know she is lying to me.
She tries to blame all this on me. Please give me some input. I broke out my divorce busters book again. How can this be so easy for her. It's like she is already over me. Yes I do believe she is having an affair.

Last edited by Cadet; 03/31/15 06:39 PM. Reason: Carriage returns for readability
Re: What to do [Re: dbmod] #2552777
03/31/15 01:44 PM
03/31/15 01:44 PM
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 31
1
1976 T Offline OP
Member
1976 T  Offline OP
Member
1
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 31
I entered my story here below on the quick reply box under. I hope this was correct i submitted it again last night. I am new here to this site.

Page 1 of 5 1 2 3 4 5

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004