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A Message from Michele
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Re: Card29 XI - Journey [Re: Mozza] #2579790
06/19/15 12:26 AM
06/19/15 12:26 AM
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,339
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uRworthy Offline
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uRworthy  Offline
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Posts: 3,339
She is a mess.. so sad. I feel for your daughter. Freddy, I am glad you are detached and can approach this with a clear head.

So happy D's birthday went well.

How are you?

Re: Card29 XI - Journey [Re: uRworthy] #2580832
06/22/15 07:16 PM
06/22/15 07:16 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 898
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Card29 Offline OP
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Card29  Offline OP
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Posts: 898
I am doing well. I am actually starting to see someone. A few weeks ago, I made a friend who I started talking to more and more regularly. After things cooled off with sis' friend, I had stopped pursuing a girlfriend so I never asked her out on a date or anything. A few weeks later, we decided to go to a concert as "friends". We hit it off and went on a few more dates before she went out of town for a while. I thought it would cool off then, but it didn't. I can still only see her every so often for the next few weeks, which I'm fine with. I guess you could say we're dating now. Too soon? Probably. We are taking it very slowly, though, both emotionally and physically. We mainly just have a ball and laugh constantly.

Update: The divorce should be finalized soon. We'll see. Now that I've transitioned from my "I want to flirt with/meet girls" phase earlier this year, through a few independent weeks (not much time in the grand scheme), to seeing someone exclusively, I suddenly feel somewhat uncomfortable with the marriage still legally together. It's still open only due to procrastination on both of our parts, not from second thoughts or deliberation. Yet it's still there.

I know I don't have to tell you guys to be honest and let me hear what I need to hear.

In a strange coincidence, STBX and I ended up on a the same flight home yesterday after we were both out of town for work for a few days. It was so strange because our trips had nothing to do with each other and weren't even to the same cities. her plane happened to connect with mine, though. We figured it out as I was heading to the airport, so we sat in the terminal and plane together. It was fine, although sometimes awkward as she is an emotional wreck. Of course she was texting with OM while on the ground. Blows my mind that she's still clinging to that, and the same for him. Is he afraid to truly let go and "hurt" her? Is he that confused/dumb, where he can't realize that it's not going to work after 9 or 10 break-ups within a year? Is he just sadistic and likes to keep a hold of her? I really don't know and I'm not trying to investigate it. I had a text convo with STBX last night about her sitch, initiated by her. I kept my focus on her and never mentioned OM. She claims she's spent the "last two weeks" in her own thoughts, trying to figure herself out. I hope that is at least partially true because I know it's not totally true. Two weeks ago she was "dating" OM again, followed by the most recent break-up and meltdown. A week later, she is texting with OM in the airport. Best case, she had a few days on her trip when she didn't communicate with him. She did say that she needs time to figure herself out and "not try to cure the unhappiness with new men". Sounds good, but doing that for months or years is a lot different than saying it in a text convo.


Me 30, STBX 30
D3
M 8 years
BD 6/3/14
S 7/26/14
Off-and-on. PA since BD. Possibly "off" since Winter 2015?
Light Switch/I'm Over Her 12/31/14
D finalized 1/10/16
Re: Card29 XI - Journey [Re: Card29] #2586530
07/09/15 08:08 PM
07/09/15 08:08 PM
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,339
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uRworthy Offline
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uRworthy  Offline
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Hey Freddy, who cares what his motives are..because..say it with me...not your problem...right?

Ok, so, here's my thing..I feel that people should finish their stuff before getting involved with someone...for a few reasons. The first of which is that you are still married. The second one is..do you want the beginning of your story with anyone to be...I started dating her when I was still married.

Maybe that doesn't bother you and that's your choice. I'm just wondering why you arent finishing it.

Re: Card29 XI - Journey [Re: uRworthy] #2591910
07/27/15 07:20 PM
07/27/15 07:20 PM
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,339
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uRworthy Offline
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uRworthy  Offline
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Hey Freddy...just checking in. Let me know how you are doing.

Re: Card29 XI - Journey [Re: uRworthy] #2595514
08/07/15 07:02 PM
08/07/15 07:02 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 898
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Card29 Offline OP
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Card29  Offline OP
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I'm doing great. Now my biggest stress is work. Trying to live a simple life but work is making that a challenge. Otherwise, no major news or changes. Thanks for checking on me


Me 30, STBX 30
D3
M 8 years
BD 6/3/14
S 7/26/14
Off-and-on. PA since BD. Possibly "off" since Winter 2015?
Light Switch/I'm Over Her 12/31/14
D finalized 1/10/16
Re: Card29 XI - Journey [Re: Card29] #2605231
09/09/15 12:27 AM
09/09/15 12:27 AM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 898
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Card29 Offline OP
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Card29  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 898
Just checking in. Nothing major is new right now. D still isn't finalized, although I've finished my half of it. I've been proud of STBX. By all indications, she has been clear of OM for a couple of months now, after 12 months of on-again, off-again, all by his choice with her living and dying with each decision. She seems to be making some progress with her depression, too. Coparenting is going well.

My new job has been great. Working for a growing company is fun. No one worried about job security, most people having fun at work, something new and exciting coming along all of the time. I'm in Denmark for 3 weeks right now for work (parent company is Danish). Really missing D3 but I feel like I'm hitting a Reset button that I really needed. This isn't the most exciting country, but I don't know where I'd rather try to "reset". People just get it here. They work 36 hours a week, on the dot. They spend as much time as possible with loved ones and friends. They're home by 4:00 pm and dinners last for hours. There is a reason they're called the happiest nation in the world. I hope someday the whole world operates like this.

I have my housing sitch figure out for next year, too. D3 and I will be renting a house! Actually, it's the house of sis' friend, the one that I was crazy about earlier this year, after I got over STBX. Remember that she had just left a long term R in December. Everyone warned me to steer clear for a while, maybe even a year. I held off for 3 months before finally going on a date or two. We had fun, but we both realized she wasn't ready for what I want (and later I realized that I wasn't and still am not, either). We both agreed that it could hypothetically work in the future. But that was that. We've still be friends since then.

Well, in May, she met another guy. She's partially dated 4 guys since the beginning of the year, not including me (we didn't "date"). She's already living with this one, and now they're moving across the country together. Granted, it's not that big of a commitment because she is going to do travel nursing. But damn she's moving fast. I'm wishing her the best!

Here's my point by mentioning her: As fantastic as she is and as much as I liked her, I'm glad it's not me on that ride with her. Maybe it will work out for her! I hope it does. She's keeping her house in our city, though. And D3 and I are going to have an amazing 2016 in it. It is so perfect for us. If sis' friend stays out west and sells the house, I would probably buy it from her. That's how much I like it. laugh


Me 30, STBX 30
D3
M 8 years
BD 6/3/14
S 7/26/14
Off-and-on. PA since BD. Possibly "off" since Winter 2015?
Light Switch/I'm Over Her 12/31/14
D finalized 1/10/16
Re: Card29 XI - Journey [Re: Card29] #2605323
09/09/15 06:36 AM
09/09/15 06:36 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,129
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Vapo Offline
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Posts: 1,129
Way to go Card!

You really seem to be in a happier place.

Rock on m8!

Re: Card29 XI - Journey [Re: Vapo] #2606457
09/13/15 03:32 AM
09/13/15 03:32 AM
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,339
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uRworthy Offline
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uRworthy  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,339
Hey Freddy...so happy to read your update. Good on you.

Denmark sounds like they have it right. They work to live, not live to work.

You are sounding great. Interesting about your sister's friend, yea?

I am a true believer that everything happens as it should, even when we don't understand it at the time.

Please stop in from time to time and let us know how you are doing.

Keep going, sweetie...

Re: Card29 XI - Journey [Re: uRworthy] #2607344
09/16/15 01:13 PM
09/16/15 01:13 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 898
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Card29 Offline OP
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Card29  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 898
Well as soon as I think STBX is doing better mentally, the following happens. I woke up with a missed Skype call. We've Skyped a few times while I've been in Denmark so I can talk to D3. I sent STBX a message saying I was asleep when she called. She responded with this message:

Quote:
STBX: I wanted you to tell me that Annalyn would be ok if I committed suicide.

Card29: What on Earth is going on?

STBX: Nothing new. I've been dealing with this for months


I asked her a couple of questions after that, asking if her extra stresses at work lately (which she's complained to me about on a couple of the Skype calls) have played a factor in her feeling worse lately than over the rest of the summer. She hasn't responded yet. I also told her that I want her in the world.

I haven't heard anything like this from her in maybe 3 months, but I know that's not a long time in the context of her problems. They've existed for years. But I just don't know how to feel or respond to them. Sometimes I think they're cries for attention. Other times, I'm so worried that when she doesn't respond to a message for a few hours, I assume she's already done it.

Last edited by Card29; 09/16/15 01:14 PM.

Me 30, STBX 30
D3
M 8 years
BD 6/3/14
S 7/26/14
Off-and-on. PA since BD. Possibly "off" since Winter 2015?
Light Switch/I'm Over Her 12/31/14
D finalized 1/10/16
Re: Card29 XI - Journey [Re: Card29] #2607351
09/16/15 01:40 PM
09/16/15 01:40 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,016
U
Uphill Offline
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Uphill  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,016
Wow, I'm not even gonna touch this, I have no experience in this. I will leave that for the vets. But wanted to say I am thinking about you buddy!


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


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