CALL 303-444-7004 to get started right away!

 

 


A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


A Divorce Busting Telephone Coach
can help you save your marriage singlehandedly!
CALL 303-444-7004
or see Coaching Packages online at the Divorce Busting Store

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 4 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 6
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #10 [Re: Jefe] #2550330
03/23/15 07:54 PM
03/23/15 07:54 PM
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
M
MrBond Offline
Member
MrBond  Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
That is good. Just DO NOT neglect counseling just because it's "not convenient".

I have VERY rarely seen a M that has been reconciled survive without counseling to guide them. That's just the plain truth in what I've seen for 7 years.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #10 [Re: MrBond] #2550368
03/23/15 09:17 PM
03/23/15 09:17 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,102
Dallas, TX
J
Jefe Offline OP
Member
Jefe  Offline OP
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,102
Dallas, TX
Agreed.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #10 [Re: Jefe] #2552313
03/30/15 01:54 AM
03/30/15 01:54 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 177
U
UpperCu Offline
Member
UpperCu  Offline
Member
U
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 177
I've been away from your thread for a month or two, but am excited to catch up and to see you are piecing! Exciting! :-) I've prayed for your marriage throughout the past 6 months and I'm very encouraged by your faithfulness.

For my own benefit and for others, can you summarize the main things you've learned through your sitch?


UpperCut
Me: 28 W: 25
Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs
Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home)
S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15)
No kids
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #10 [Re: UpperCu] #2553058
04/01/15 05:48 AM
04/01/15 05:48 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,102
Dallas, TX
J
Jefe Offline OP
Member
Jefe  Offline OP
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,102
Dallas, TX
I learned to let go and let her be her. To stop trying to control and change her into what I want and just love her for who she is.

I learned to let go and let God run the show.

I learned that I need to take the focus off me and put it on the people I love.

I learned if you constantly think negative thoughts about a person or situation that's all you'll be left with after a while.

I learned that if I have a need I should ask for it and not manipulate, control, or withdraw to force people to serve me.

I learned that unconditional love is just that, unconditional.

I learned that God really can and will restore things if you have faith and trust that He knows best.

I learned that if one of us is unhappy it is up to both of us to fix it. We're in this together. This is a "Joint and Several Covenant" meaning we are both equally 100% responsible for this marriage. The only thing split 50/50 around here is the pizza on pizza night.

Above all, I learned that my wife, after God, is the most important thing in my life. That I should NEVER take her or our marriage for granted again. That we have to wake up every single day and choose to love each other again and again. We took vows to Love, Honor, and Cherish. You actually have to do those things. Do them with no expectations of getting anything in return.

And this just scratches the surface.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #10 [Re: Jefe] #2553061
04/01/15 06:02 AM
04/01/15 06:02 AM
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 986
J
JellyB Offline
Member
JellyB  Offline
Member
J
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 986
NICE, reading that made me tingle! Thank you for sharing those amazing thoughts

I wish you so many more blessings

jelly x

Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #10 [Re: JellyB] #2553065
04/01/15 06:39 AM
04/01/15 06:39 AM
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 561
CA
C
Complex Offline
Member
Complex  Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 561
CA
Nice last post Jefe. Inspiring.
I'm very happy for you and it was great to catch up on your sitch.


Me 32 (German) Wife 28
T 3yrs M 2yrs
Moved to US for W
No kids
BD 6/2014
In house separation
Confirmed EA 1/2015
(ongoing since BD)
OM not ready
Real D talk started 1/27/15


Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #10 [Re: Jefe] #2553334
04/01/15 09:28 PM
04/01/15 09:28 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 177
U
UpperCu Offline
Member
UpperCu  Offline
Member
U
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 177
Thanks Jefe - I knew there was an iceberg of lessons learned under there smile


UpperCut
Me: 28 W: 25
Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs
Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home)
S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15)
No kids
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #10 [Re: UpperCu] #2554047
04/03/15 11:24 PM
04/03/15 11:24 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 176
NY
H
Hope414 Offline
Member
Hope414  Offline
Member
H
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 176
NY
Great post Jefe! smile


M: 62
H: 67
Bomb dropped: October 2012
R: 4-2014

I've never regretted saying "I'm sorry"
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #10 [Re: Hope414] #2555052
04/07/15 06:53 PM
04/07/15 06:53 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 177
U
UpperCu Offline
Member
UpperCu  Offline
Member
U
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 177
How's it going Jefe?


UpperCut
Me: 28 W: 25
Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs
Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home)
S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15)
No kids
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #10 [Re: UpperCu] #2555851
04/10/15 03:40 AM
04/10/15 03:40 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,102
Dallas, TX
J
Jefe Offline OP
Member
Jefe  Offline OP
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,102
Dallas, TX
Everything is going well. Sorry I have not checked in much this week, it has been a very busy. My wife knows that I still post on here but I try not to get on when she is home. Not because I am hiding it but because I prefer to spend my time with her instead.

So some recapping/blogging is in order I guess.

Fri - Mom had the girls because we had our bible study group this week but wife worked too late to be able to make it. I meet her right after and we had an enjoyable late evening just grocery shopping together.

Sat - Wife had to work but got off at a decent hour. I volunteered at the church for the 4 o'clock Easter service then met up with the wife after. Wing Stop for dinner, a little shopping, Then home to watch a movie.

Sun - Easter. We went to the early service. They played a video during one of the songs the band was playing. In the video was a busy scene at the main church campus. As the music was playing the camera would pan and zoom in on people and would display text giving a brief testimony about each. Like: "This couple lost 2 different children at childbirth. Now they minister to grieving families who have lost children." or "This couple was divorced for 2 years. They have since come back together and remarried." and several others. After the song the pastor spoke for about 10 minutes. Afterwards, they played another video focusing on the couple that had been divorced. They gave a 15 minute testimony of how she had multiple affairs and what God had done for her after she was divorced. It was so moving. The wife cried during it.

When the service had ended 2 of the pastors came over to my wife and greeted her so warmly and made her feel so welcome back at the church. They commented on the parallels between the video and our story and asked her if sometime in the next 6-12 months if she/we would give our testimony for the church. Wow, so powerful.

Mon - We both worked. The wife chose to stay home from her pool league that night so we could spend time together as a family. We had our first disagreement/fight since we've been back together. What a difference it was. Not the same old screaming match it used to be. It was over and done very quickly.

Tue - We both worked then ate dinner with my grandmother. Later we went for a walk as a family with the dogs. Everyone enjoyed themselves, even the dogs! Been a long time since I went for a walk with my wife holding hands. We hold hands a lot these days.

Wed - The wife has decided to take Wednesdays off from now on. To help out around the house and to spend some time with me. She spent the first half with the kids. Took them to school, volunteered in the school library for the book fair, and ate lunch with them both. That freed me up so I could practice since Wed is one of the nights I play at church.

The second half she spent with me. We cleaned up together, made some plans about the house together, etc. Since she left I have been taking the girls with me to church and it hasnt worked out very well. But she offered to pick them up from school and bring the up to the church later after child care started so I could focus on playing. She got there early and hung out with our Wed night church friends. Everyone was so happy to see her. Afterwards she went to her Wed pool league, but only stayed long enough to play her match and came home early to be with me. And she didn't feel good on top of it.

Thur - (tonight) I had to play at the church again for our monthly Man Church event. My mom watched the girls. Wife had to work late and then she had a special league event tonight.

All in all, things at home are incredibly different.

Since my first daughter was born we barely slept in the same bed together and I would stay up to all hours of the night after she went to sleep. Now we wouldn't think of NOT going to bed together.

Before, it was had for us to carry any type of meaningful conversation together, especially on the phone. Now, we both have matching bluetooth headsets and I find ourselves having LOOOONG conversations while we are both working. Several conversations today all longer than 15-20 minutes. Amazing.

I thank God every single day for my wife and my marriage.

I'm sure I'm leaving tons out. But There you go.

I'll try and stop by some of the other threads tonight, tomorrow and Sat.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Page 4 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 6

Moderated by  Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004