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A Message from Michele
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Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #10 #2545990
03/09/15 07:06 PM
03/09/15 07:06 PM
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Dallas, TX
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Jefe Offline OP
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Old Thread - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2527700&page=6

Wasn't paying attention and let it lock.
Originally Posted By: Hope414

Jefe, you did a really great job of not taking the bait; giving her permission to express angry and hurt without being punished; validating her confusion; and then reinforcing your love for her.

Wow.

You should really take pride in how well you handled this.


Thank you, Hope.
Didn't even notice that there was bait to take. I wasn't analyzing the interaction, I was just being natural.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #10 [Re: Jefe] #2548009
03/16/15 01:03 AM
03/16/15 01:03 AM
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Posts: 1,104
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Jefe Offline OP
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Well, this has been an interesting week. The wife has been spending a lot more time around us all week and has been calling a lot. She just called a few minutes ago and wanted to know if we could "talk". My heart sank when she said that because I was expecting a different direction than what I got.

She started crying and said: "I just want to apologize for everything I have put you through in the last 7 months...really all the way back to the first time we broke up." She said I've changed and she likes it. She wants to be around me and feels safe around me. She says she's sorry for all the damage she has done to our family and feels like her place is back home with us and back at church where she belongs.

She's coming over tonight (second night in a row) to have dinner with us and hang out until the kids go to bed. Prayers and wish me luck.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #10 [Re: Jefe] #2548032
03/16/15 04:30 AM
03/16/15 04:30 AM
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twinmom Offline
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Sounds like it's time for you to lay out what YOU need from her.....(Make sure your needs are met!)


Me: 35 husband:39
Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage
Twins 5 (boy/girl)
Daughter 3
Affair bomb 2/27/14
He moved in with ow 3/13/14
OW kicked him out 6/15/14
4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction



Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #10 [Re: twinmom] #2548077
03/16/15 01:08 PM
03/16/15 01:08 PM
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Posts: 6,810
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Starsky309 Offline
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Originally Posted By: twinmom
Sounds like it's time for you to lay out what YOU need from her.....(Make sure your needs are met!)



This ^^^. You only get one shot at this; don't "settle." You've worked SO hard at this, Jefe, and there is no shame in honestly communicating to the one you love the most what it is YOU need going forward.


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #10 [Re: Starsky309] #2548558
03/17/15 08:47 PM
03/17/15 08:47 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
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Jefe Offline OP
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Amen to that. Things are going extremely well right now. I'll post more later.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #10 [Re: Jefe] #2548562
03/17/15 09:01 PM
03/17/15 09:01 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
Florida
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Starsky309 Offline
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It's also no time to freelance. I hope you'll keep posting regularly through this critical stage; I'm sure Hope (and others) could give you some great guidance.

Glad things are going well!


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #10 [Re: Starsky309] #2548728
03/18/15 02:08 PM
03/18/15 02:08 PM
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She did eat with us Sunday night and stayed until long after they were in bed. We hung out, we talked, we did normal Sunday night husband and wife stuff; dishes, laundry, TV, etc. She said she thought she might like to move back home Tues as Monday was a pool night and a busy work day. I agreed.

Mon she called and told me she cleared it with her work and took Tues off so we could move. She worked, went to pool (for an unusually short time) then went to her Mom's place to sleep and pack. She refriended me on FB, changed her relationship status, change her profile pic to a shot of the 2 of us, and posted a public proclamation about us having problems and getting back together and thanking everyone for their prayers and support. All that without any input from me whatsoever.

We moved her in yesterday. (She had also put her wedding band back on, I noticed)

We talked alot last night and one of the things she told me was that God had been trying to get her attention since Dec and she kept resisting until his voice got so loud she couldnt take it anymore and the overwhelming feeling of wanting to come home was all she could think about.

She also said that the fact I wasn't calling her unless she called first was driving her nuts. And that me leaving her alone and only being kind when we did talk was the best thing I could have ever done.

Is it right, is it wrong? I haven't a clue. It feels right. She said she has never felt more at peace.
Me either.

We both agree we want to do whatever it takes to never find ourselves hating each other and to keep the feeling that we have for each other right now going as best we can.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #10 [Re: Jefe] #2548732
03/18/15 02:11 PM
03/18/15 02:11 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
Florida
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Starsky309 Offline
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Originally Posted By: Jefe


We talked alot last night and one of the things she told me was that God had been trying to get her attention since Dec and she kept resisting until his voice got so loud she couldnt take it anymore and the overwhelming feeling of wanting to come home was all she could think about.



My wife reported the exact same thing happening to her!!! This gave me chills, Jefe. Sooooo happy for you.

smile smile smile


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #10 [Re: Jefe] #2548733
03/18/15 02:13 PM
03/18/15 02:13 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
Florida
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Starsky309 Offline
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Florida
Originally Posted By: Jefe


We both agree we want to do whatever it takes to never find ourselves hating each other and to keep the feeling that we have for each other right now going as best we can.


We're not supposed to recommend other books on here, but I'm going to do it anyway. I think "His Needs, Her Needs" is an exceptional read and something you two can do TOGETHER at this stage. It's all about re-bullet-proofing your marriage from this point forward.


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #10 [Re: Starsky309] #2548734
03/18/15 02:13 PM
03/18/15 02:13 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
Dallas, TX
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Jefe Offline OP
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Really, I have never heard that part of your story, Starsky. That's crazy. The hair on my arm is standing up.

I think I have that book somewhere. Great idea!


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
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