Old dog seeks new trick 10

[Old Dog]

• Old dog seeks new trick 1
• Old dog seeks new trick 2
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• Old dog seeks new trick 9

[Old Dog]

fat finger syndrome again!

OD, I see this very differently
1. Shows we want clarity and care how we say what we say
2. Shows meaning before emotion
3. Removes negativity and bias on our part and creates trust
4. Communications move in a positive manner: win/win
5. We learn from this in all communications not just this one with W, practice
6. It is more loving and moves to the norm

Besides those friends have the best interests of Mr and Mrs OD at their core
V

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That's how I see it too V. It's the WAS that would see it differently.

[Old Dog]

I just got home and within half an hour I'm distraught because I just came across his birthday card which say she fulfils him emotionally, physical and intelectually and valentines card which is full of all the affirmative things that I was so crap at and mentions also her sexually.

So they are definately having a full on physical affair with pet names and everything. He even calls her wife. And there's even a 'bond' which when presented to the other they have to get naked.

This is really really hard now how do i get through this? I'm wondering if I should just go to my mums right now.

[Sotto]

OD, I'm so sorry. It's awful finding things like that. It's like you know some stuff is probably going on, but the facing of it is truly awful.

Did your W leave them out somewhere or were they tucked away? Depending on that, you may want to think about a boundary on this.

Tonight, you should maybe just do what you need to do to look after yourself. And only deal with stuff with your W when you feel a bit calmer.

(((OD)))

[Old Dog]

No, I snooped :-( So I can't mention it, not that I would. So I can't really go because I haven't seen them have I.

They were in a brown envelope by the side of our bed. Hardly hidden. I knew they'd be there somewhere but it was all too easy to find them. Almost as if I was meant to.

I feel so betrayed and abandoned. I hate her for this.

[SunnyB]

OD, I'm sorry you had to see those. Please don't snoop anymore, nothing good comes from it. You already know what you need to know. What are you going to do now? You've been sitting on the fence about different living arrangements for a while now, does this get you closer to a decision?

[Old Dog]

I sent her a text message when I got back just to say I'd arrived (the kids are at home) as she's out at the pub with work colleagues. She just replied thank you. When I see a message or email from her, it causes my heart to skip a beat. I wish it didn't.

What am I doing coming back here every weekend? This place holds nothing for me but misery now. I don't know anyone here. It's just a place where my kids go to school and my adulturous wife lives.

[Old Dog]

RP. I know I know. I didn't know it was a PA. I assumed so but now I do know. It was just so hard reading the the cards instead of just knowing.

I feel such a failure because I didn't do those things.

I don't know if I'm nearer making a decision. I am unable to make any kind of decision. I am stil living in hope I guess. My plan was to get a job, move back in, work on myself and show her I am capable of being a loving person.

I don't know if can do that now.

[susana4]

Just caught up with recent developments in your sitch Old Dog.

Hugs to you.

I think Toots' advice to take care of yourself right now is good. Maybe spending the night at your mums would be best. You don't need to tell W any reason why you go away for the night. Or you can make up an excuse. If it would be best for your mental health right now, and avoid you interacting with W in a way you would regret, then I think you should do it. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you right now, and how hard it would be to interact with W in the frame of mind you must be in.

You can come escape here for some pizza and chianti if you like

[Mozza]

Very, very sorry for what you just found, Old Dog. It reminds me of the tremendous difficulties that people on these boards have to face on a daily basis. This is something we never expect to find when we pronounce our vows, or just when we pack the car for some holidays, or just put the kids to bed after a day out. I remind myself that even though I met all of you in this difficult context, we all had "normal lives" until recently and that all of this is a shock that was impossible to fathom just a few weeks or months ago.

I really hope for you that you'll find the strength to take a little distance from it in the coming days and weeks, after the initial shock. If you can, take strength in the face that most of us men on these boards have gone through a similar discovery and that, over time, the hurt subsides.

If I could, I would also host you tonight, share a glass with you, and let you get it all out.