I'm sorry about your mum Busting. I got carried away with the good stuff and didn't mention it. I remember you brought her up often, mentioning how supportive she was. I'm sorry.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
busting, What you are feeling is very normal. We fight hard for our marriages and then we detach. When the crisis has settled down and the spouses begin to talk of reconciliation, by that time, we are much further along than they are and quite comfortable w/how our worlds are revolving. This is where the MLCer will either work hard on themselves and try to play catch up or they will drift along. Your h is going to have to earn your trust once again. It's hard work. He's going to have to be transparent and be more than willing to share and/or show you his messages, etc. If he's just returning because he has no place to go or thinks it's the best he can do, then the relationship will not work. He's got to put forth the effort to make things right w/you and your family. He's got to face his demons and accept that there are some things that happened long ago that he can't change.
Treat him as you would a friend or a roommate, nothing more for a while. Nothing says that just because he has returned and is living under your roof that you need to stop growing, learning and living your life. These are the things that you will need to continue and remember...the old marriage is dead and this is a brand new relationship. You, and only you, will be the one to make the final decision as to whether this reconciliation is something that you want. I say...give it a whirl and if it's not working out, then you'll know what you need to do about the situation.
For now, try to keep the focus on you and your children and allow your "roommate" time to readjust to living under the same roof again.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Busting, I’m so glad you came here and posted the update. I was thinking about you recently, wandering how you were doing. I kind of “knew” that the things were moving in the right direction for you. I think what you are experiencing is very normal. Like Job said, your H will need more time to fully come around. He is showing some interest in you, and this is big progress from my point of view. You will have to become good friends again first.
I’m so sorry about your Mum. I’m happy to hear that your H was very supportive of you. I think it will make a difference in how you remember this even in your life.
Busting, you have so much patience and grace and wisdom. I admire it so much. I hope to hear more updates from you in the near future.
Thanks for stopping by my thread .
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I understand what you are saying. All of it. and I can do that. I think mostly I just tired. Mentally and emotionally. And I sometimes feel like ' whatever'. Then I step back and look at how far we have come and think ' I can still do this'.
I think I need to speak with H again? I am sure that he is not only back at the house because he has no place else to go. He before he went to Dubai he wasn't living with us and had an apartment. He could have done the same this time. Also he did tell me that he was back for the children and me ( not just our children).
But he has not faced his demons. At least he has not expressed it to me. He may be facing them internally but we have not spoken. He says this will happen with time. He needs time. We will see.
I will continue growing and living. I won't stop.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Bright! Thank you so much for your kind words. I have always felt we would get on if we met IRL!! Mani/ pedi, shoe shopping and drinks. And some MLC thrown in the mix too!
I hope you are well.
Xxx
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I think I need to speak with H again? I am sure that he is not only back at the house because he has no place else to go. He before he went to Dubai he wasn't living with us and had an apartment. He could have done the same this time. Also he did tell me that he was back for the children and me ( not just our children).
But he has not faced his demons. At least he has not expressed it to me. He may be facing them internally but we have not spoken. He says this will happen with time. He needs time. We will see.
I will continue growing and living. I won't stop.
Facing his demons will either come or won't, just like many LBS's he could be stuck too. I think it is still too early to tell, I think that Job's basic advice to sit and do nothing right now is the best policy. All will be revealed to you at the right time. Keep living your life and see where it takes you.
Great to read your update as I totally missed it.
Sorry about your mom and I hope you can keep living your life to the fullest.
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