Look Who's Come to My Picnic

[bustingout]

It's been awhile. I just haven't known what to say- how to describe what has been happening.

So I'll try. It's been going very well with H. He is still based in Dubai so it's slow. Maybe it's better that way for us. Each time he comes back it's a little bit more comfortable, more relaxed, more moments of genuine warmth between us.

I am slowly seeing my old friend return. That in itself had been an incredible experience to see.

We have not been intimate and I have not had a big apology. I have seen guilt and remorse. We are only just starting to talk with a little more depth. He will get close to an emotion and pull away from it. But he doesn't pull away from us.

I know he is supposed to be moving heaven and earth for me. I haven't had big gestures but I have several continuous small ones. Even very thoughtful gifts that have actually surprised me over the past several months. My birthday was earlier this month and he Mae the effort to invite out close friends and prepare the food. He got me an amazing new purse as a gift.


It has been frustrating too. I think more for me? I am at such a different place then him emotionally. I know he is working though stuff - just the emotional turmoil of the affair itself let alone the actual leaving his family- moving to another country etc etc. I feel in one way I understand what he is going though because of all my time on the boards here but also that he works hard to not let me in... Yet. So I work hard to stay strong in my beliefs. Because several times in my head I have thought this is just too hard. I then take a step back from things and put everything in perspective. That helps a lot. Not to panic and remember that I am in control of my emotions and decisions.

I feel very strong and confident mostly. I waved at times because he is still very private on many things. Because there is still a wall- albeit a shorter and thinner one- between us. But I am so positive and hopeful. I see him waking up to his kids, his friends, my mum, in ways that I could not have imagined. It truly warms my heart.

I am not afraid to be honest with him. I try to be honest- fair- and always calm. I try not to judge. Just listen and understand. I know I will need my turn to be heard too and we have spoken about that. He understands that.

It is what it is for now. He has said to me again he is committed to this and this family. He thinks we have made 'remarkable progress'. I know he is scared of me wanting to move 'too fast' and I am conscious to temper myself. Not really for his sake only. For mine too. I never want to lose my head again. I like being hopeful but not expectant- I like what I have become after all of this and I don't want to lose that.

He told me recently that he is afraid of death. Even though I know that is hand in hand with MLC it actually surprised me. He always seemed/seems so composed and so in control and even though I know deep down this is a facade and he actually is in turmoil, it surprised me nonetheless. I felt compassion for his fears and also thought 'wow- textbook'.

I try and be his friend. I know he needs to trust me (so ironic). I try to almost role model for him? Show him the way..? He won't talk to anyone yet. And my instinct tells me it should be me to help him get there. Is that an accurate feeling? I know he has to want to get there on his own- but I can lead the way? He seems to be looking. He seems to be identifying more with his emotions. And he really seems to be realizing what this has done to the kids- and he does not seem afraid to rectify that.

We are working on him being here most of the time and just going to Dubai for when he has to be there in person for work.

We are planning some family holiday time next month and this will be the first only-us-four-holiday in 5 years.

I am so grateful for this opportunity we have been given. I have no clue where it will lead. I can only continue to move forward and continue learning and growing. I don't know if I am 'piecing' but I am hopeful for my family.

I need to come back here more. I have been horrible over the past several months. I actually read a lot but haven't posted. I need to come back. This place was absolutely without a doubt the place that saved me. God bless you all.

[job]

What a surprise to see your posting today! How are you and the children doing? Your situation is moving very slowly, but that's good. The slower the better because when he does finally wake up, he should be a mature man ready to face the world.

I know it's frustrating that it's taking a long time, but acceptance is a very slow process and it takes a long time for them to go thru it. You will need to dig deeper for more patience and do not put pressure on him right now. He's moving towards you and that's a plus. Give him plenty of time and space to finish up his journey and if and when he finally recommits, it will be well worth the wait.

Please drop by again soon and let us know how you are doing.

[Cadet]

Sweet Busting

Yes so good to hear your update.
And the only thing I am going to disagree about is that
YES it seems like it is taking forever but in the scheme of MLC it really has been quite short.

And our training at the beginning is because this is a marathon not a sprint and we must apply the lessons we have learned, in order to get to the finish line.

So is the OW totally out of the picture?

[2BHappy]

BustingOUT

Thanks for coming back to share, LBS need to read posts like this one as often as we can, its like a glimmer of hope.

Glad to read that your M is moving toward a better place.

[LoisB]

Busting,

I'm so happy to hear your update.

I think, with MCL, slow and steady wins the race. I wish I had understood this in my bones...earlier than later.

It sounds like you are enjoying the moments you have and I think that's key. Focus on the good and don't compare your situation to anyone else's.

[bustingout]

((((((((Job, Cadet))))))))) it aways warms my heart to read your words. I think if you both very often as I navigate through all of this in my head and my subsequent actions.

The kids are doing great, thank God. They are starting to feel a lot more secure about their father than they ever have before. Our dynamics are so new - there is very little precedent at all of what our family was like because when He left the kids were very young. So it's new and exciting too. My boy is getting to the age where he really needs a positive male role model in his life and I continue to pray that H can be that man. For my D of course too- I just mean S in particular at this developmental stage of his life.

It is slow and I don't begrudge that. I respect it. There are times when I am frustrated but as i Mentioned- I work through it and look at the big picture of how far we have come in less than a year. Sometimes I can't believe it has all happened. Because I finally realise that I am in such a good place with or without H- I really never thought I would get here. I feel like I was absent from life for a long time.



Yes- OW is out. Thank God.


2b- there is aways hope. And this is the place where hope shines at its brightest. It is ask the place where you will be humbled to your knees and have the biggest life change you will experience. And it will be for the better. In a strange way- I feel grateful that I have had this journey. Not because i wanted the pain and turmoil of betrayal but because I never would have known what it is to live life awake and aware, understand true love and live in gratitude for all the blessings surrounding me. Even in the darkest and the brightest times- I wont lose myself again.

[BrightFuture]

Busting, it is so great to hear from you! It was just thinking about you recently. My thoughts were that everything was moving in the right direction with your H, you just didn’t have time to post. Guess what, I was partially right, about the H part!

I’m happy to hear that your kids are doing great.

As for your H, I think he is one of the slower MLCers. And I agree with others, the time is different for them. He is connecting with his kids, with his friends, with relatives. These are all good signs. Remember what job said in one of her older posts, the spouse is always the last in terms when it comes to reconnecting. I think you’ve doing great! One step at a time.

[keep_going]

Sweet, sweet busting,

I am so glad to hear from you. Like you, I continue reading but don't really post anymore and it was a great surprise to see your new thread.

I am so happy to hear that things are progressing for your H. I have known for a long time now that you will be fine either way, but I also know you still love your H and hope that things continue to improve.

Your timeline and mine are the same and we have been at this for a long, long time and are now experiencing the rewards of our hard work. Please, please keep posting and I will keep visiting and encouraging you along the way.

I am glad to hear the kids are doing good. I'd love to see a recent picture of them. A few of us are still in the alt, so come visit us there as well!

(((((((busting)))))))

[NLW]

Oh, Busting, so good to hear from you - and that everything is coming along so well.
What a lovely surprise.

I know that feeling, "like I was absent from life for a long time." - very glad to know that you are back and enjoying life regardless of what develops with H.

What a great update. Hope you will keep us informed!

Best, NLW.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

You know Busting I always knew you'd be ok. The marriage thing? no one knows that, but I believe that a person who can keep it together has a better change of salvaging their marriage.

I am glad for you , I am impressed and I hope nothing but the best for you.

Please do come back, DB can always use more of the successful, success stories.