So wife is feeling tired and getting ready to take a nap in her room. She comes out to hug the kids in HOT looking pink zebra yoga pants!! I was reading something on the couch while she was walking around hugging the kids. I could not help but look. I tried to do it so she would not notice me staring, but she keep watching me out of the corner of her eye. She almost acted like she wanted me to check her out?
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
It's tough, I know, and progress never seems to be as fast as you'd like it to be.
Make sure you re focus on yourself too, everyone here mentions it, and it is 110% true, GAL. She needs to see that you'll be fine with, our without her. It's hard, and sometimes totally counter intuitive, and guaranteed to be one of the harder things you'll ever have to do (I know from experience right now).
Ping me whenever you'd like though, as it really does help to have others to talk to through all this! Keep a diary, and don't let her see it. The act of writing stuff down is cathartic, and allows you to reflect back on previous days, weeks to measure how things are changing (our aren't).
Let's keep a constant dialog here, and keep those personal goals and changes going!
Nathaniel
M: 10 years, T: 12 years Me: 41, WAW: 38 SS:19, D:18, SD:7
Be careful to not fall into the trap of "going over Board". If something like that happens again, make a simple, flattering comment, and then will yourself to not look anymore!
Women love feeling pursued, but we can go over Board and blow it ( again i know from recent experience), which then sets things back.
Be pleasing, complimentary, but not so much that it crosses into needy, or over bearing (a tough balancing act for sure).
Last edited by Swabby; 02/21/1512:54 PM.
M: 10 years, T: 12 years Me: 41, WAW: 38 SS:19, D:18, SD:7
A troll is someone who starts an internet discussion to create discord and upset among people. I can see why that happened on the other site.
No one here is accusing you of that.
What I see right now is that your W has a job that you don't like. I can't really judge if she likes it or not, however, it is a job. And to her THAT is what is important right now.
What if she wants to work on the marriage but not give up the job?
How will you react to that and feel?
You are at a point where you need to decide for yourself if that is something that you can live with or not.
Because if you can't and you really try to reconcile this, I am afraid that your feelings about it will eat away at you and your M. They are right now.
Is there some way that you can separate it in your mind and really just look at it as a job and nothing more?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Good idea on the dialog! I'm with you. I have definitely been working on GAL. It will be so much easier when the weather gets nicer. But right now, I am working hard on myself. Praying alot. Spending time with my kids. Learning to be a loving husband. I feel so much better about myself. More confident. This forum is great!
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
The weird thing about the yoga pants is about a month ago she broke down one day about how she hates the way she looks and her weight. I LOVE the way she looks. I am very attracted to her. Before when I would compliment her, she would say "yeah right. I don't like the way I look". Now when I compliment her she says thank you. For the past month I have been complimenting her about how beautiful she is. Nothing over board. Just a compliment now and than. The first time I saw her in those yoga pants, I told her that she looks sexy in them and left it at that. Now I just stare when she can't see me! LOL! Maybe the small compliments and me looking her in the eye when we talk is starting to make her feel better.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
I'm glad you asked that cat04. I have thought about those questions alot through all this. When she first started this job, she used to always say how glad she was that she had a normal husband. She gets calls about weird stuff. And husbands calling behind their wives back. I want her to have a job for herself. If she wanted to work on our marriage and and keep the job, I would be happy to do that. Her job may still make me somewhat uncomfortable in the future, but if she is telling me that she loves me, that I am her man and she is ML with me and cuddling with me, it will be alot easier. In the past, I never had to wonder about her feelings for me. But since this job, that has changed.It doesn't help that I sleep alone either. Could be because all the fighting. What I am doing now is showing her that I love her. Working on myself and my issues and spending time with my kids. Praying alot!
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
I also need help. How to act towards husband who just served me divorce papers? I wamy our marriage to work. I have 20 days to respond to court. I can either agree or request conciliation services which puts it on hold. I need a lawyer in order to respond in agreement. He filed divorce himself without lawyer. Presently, I avoid contact with him because I'm feeling so hurt and just want to avoid conflict. How do I leave the door open for him to change his mind without appearing weak? I betrayed his trust. I have mixed emotions about whether it's worth the effort. He has rejected me repeatedly throughout our marriage and refuses to learn about how to nurture a relationship. He's now very callous and cold. I know our relationship cannot remain the same. Please
I think I am learning!! I have started taking a different approach to this job situation. I stopped dwelling on the negative feelings I have about it. I also looked at myself and how I was trying to control the situation. Maybe I was trying to control it out of fear and jealousy. I am letting go of that fear and jealousy.I am putting all my trust in God. I sent my wife a card thanking her for the hard work she has done. The money she makes has helped a ton. We have had a ton of financial issues in the past. I am listening to my wife and looking her in the eye when she speaks. I am paying attention and saying nice things to her once in awhile. Not over doing it, just letting her know I think she is special. I have seen improvements in our relationship! I am thankful for the little things!
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
Thats great! Take it a day at a time with the steps, and average it a week at a time for progress. Dont push too hard, or it often blows up in your face (I've been there before).
Just keeping acting As If, and keep working on yourself, you do that and she'll notice, not to mention you'll feel much better about yourself as well!
Last edited by Swabby; 02/23/1504:33 PM.
M: 10 years, T: 12 years Me: 41, WAW: 38 SS:19, D:18, SD:7
