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Joined: Sep 2014
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OTU, how are you doing my friend?


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 374
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Ontheup Offline OP
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Hey Jefe

My daughter saw this site on my ipad and showed to to my wife. As a result my wife read all my posts on here hence why im no longer posting. You can imagine her reaction. She was fuming.
I have now moved out. Been out 2 weeks.
I have seen my wife a few times in that period for mothers day and a couple of school functions for D8. Apart from that we dont talk other than D8 stuff.
We dont talk about our marriage, D or R nothing.
It is slighlty easier at the moment but i know there will be more tough times ahead.
I am keeping busy with work and other stuff.
Im still seeing my councillor trying to work through this which is helpful.
We split parenting of D8 50/50. D8 seems to be handling well at the moment although i feel very guilty about what has happened.
When D8 is not around I miss her terribly.
I have good days and bad. I Often dream about my wife which my councillor gave some ineresting expanations for. e.g Still feeling protective about her.
I miss her very much but i continue to detach.
I have let her go. There is nothing I can do other than move on with my own life moving out of the limbo state
I have no idea what the future holds. Im just living one day to the next at the moment thankful for the relatiive calm after the awfulness of the last few months.
Still have moments of wondering what the hell has happened but im sure with time they will dissapear

Thanks for asking after me. It means a lot.

Stay strong everyone.


Me:40 W:35
D:8
T:13 M:10
WAW: 7/14
PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months
Moved out and moved on

Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 762
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Hi OTU,

I am sorry this happened. Your W may never appreciate how much of an effort you made to improve yourself and be a great person, but those who have followed your sitch do appreciate it.
Something similar happened to KieranR last month. Here is a link to his thread. Some of the vets on the site had some good advice in the aftermath of his W discovering his thread. Including and open letter to his W. Your W may not find it useful or helpful, but she may. who knows?

RAI


Me 48 XW 45
lots o' kids
D April 2017
Joined: Sep 2014
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Ouch, sorry to hear that OTU.

One day at a time is all you can do and all you should do.

Keep posting, it will help you to get it out.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 374
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Ontheup Offline OP
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Posts: 374
Hey Jefe

Im sort of done with posting for now at least.
I felt it was stopping me from moving on because I would be constantly going over the situation and reading posts on here.
My situation now is better. I rarely see my wife and we communicate very little, only for D8. For me this is much easier.
As for any chance of R, im not interested. Too much has happened for me and probably the same for my wife. I do not want to go back. I did the "pick me dance" for far to long and shredded the last of my self confidence and respect. I am better than that. I am not living in limbo or fear any more. I am no longer plan B as I removed that option. My wife made her choice and I have made mine. I have come to realise I will be absolutely fine without her as she will without me.
There will no doubt be tough times ahead but ahead is where I will get to.

Glad to read your sitch is a lot better.


Me:40 W:35
D:8
T:13 M:10
WAW: 7/14
PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months
Moved out and moved on

Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
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Good luck to you.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 374
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Ontheup Offline OP
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Posts: 374
Hi all

It's a long time since I've posted and seems a million years ago since those
Very dark first few weeks when this board gave me such a huge amount of support.
I thought I'd check in and just let those who cared at the time know where I'm up to.
I'm happily living on my own and getting on with my own life. I take care of my daughter 50% of the time and we have more fun and better quality than we ever did do.
I'm more outgoing , more confident and generally an all round happier better person than I was the last few years with my ex.
I've met some great people since being single due to me being much more outgoing and confident and yes some of these are women.
The time spent thinking about my situation has become less and less to the point where I will go for majority of the day without even thinking about my ex. Hard to believe as when I found out it consumed my every thought.
Ok So it's not great all the time, I'm still in counselling working through my problems and have suffered some medical problems due to what happened. These though are getting better each day and the counselling helps hugely with me helping to take my life back and realise that this is not my fault and nothing I did could and would ever have prevented what my ex did. Anyone who tries to pin one bit of blame on you for them having an affair ....smack them upside the head.
I still from time to time will feel very guilty about my daughter. She never asked for any of this and although she has up to now dealt amazingly well with it i can't stop the waves of guilt that will wash over me. Her birthday was last week and this for me was particularly difficult.

I have very little contact with my ex no contact for me was by far the best thing I ever did. I stopped the dance and decided to live for myself. We talk about my daughter and financial matters but that's it. I have no idea if she is still with OM , I presume she is. I'm past caring.

I didn't really follow Db in the end and veered off towards leaving a cheater and gaining my life back ( yiu know the site)
For me this has worked and set me on the road to meh.

I still sometimes miss my old life but that life ended years ago. I was just holding onto a memory of something I used to have.

There will no doubt be tough times ahead but I feel much better equipped to deal with anything thrown at.

Good luck to everyone out there

Know there is light at the end of the tunnel whatever form that light comes is


Me:40 W:35
D:8
T:13 M:10
WAW: 7/14
PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months
Moved out and moved on

Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Posts: 5,301
Hi OTU, good to hear you are doing well. I know the website you mean!!

I post in the MLC area of the forum now, but I'm still around. Looks like my H is about to file for D - an outcome which I accept now....and I'm moving forward with my own life - doing pretty well all in all...

Hope life continues to go well for you and take care xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Ontheup Offline OP
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Hi toots

I know it's not the outcome you were hoping for but in my opinion it's the best thing for you. he doesn't deserve you or the amount of energy you've already invested in him.
You have plenty of life ahead. These events change us as human beings, they change the core of who we are but they change us for the better. It's only as Ive moved on I've realised that.
I'm thankful to the people in here for helping me but in the end there was nothing to bust and I'm glad or I may still have been stuck in the same mindset I was initially. the CL stance just feels much better and is also what my councillor advocates although she hasn't actually heard of CL

In the words of td jakes .....let them go.

Take care


Me:40 W:35
D:8
T:13 M:10
WAW: 7/14
PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months
Moved out and moved on

Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 374
O
Ontheup Offline OP
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OP Offline
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 374
Test


Me:40 W:35
D:8
T:13 M:10
WAW: 7/14
PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months
Moved out and moved on

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