Where do I go from here?

[NewB3]

Sandi2

I get out once or twice a week to meet the guys out for dinner or drinks. I go to the local few coffee shops on Sunday mornings a lot, to read. I go to the fancy restaurants and sit at the bar with others to have dinner.
As far as a friend, I do NOT talk about WAW. Has she asked...sure. I give her hardly any information. However, she still mentions her life/ex a lot. That was over 7 years ago. I listen and offer no advice. I am there to have fun and have a date, not to be her therapist or buddy.

What other insights can you offer? Thanks for stopping by to offer some help. I still LOVE to read here, just trying to GAL and not focus on this place. I did enjoy Starsky's anniversary post though

[NewB3]

Currently out at least twice a week. Seeing friend #1 once a week. Chatting with person #2 & #3 & #4, trying to set up coffee or a drink to meet and chat. Yes, I am on a few "websites".
WAS came over this weekend to pickup S4. Here is a list of strange occurrences:
1. Psychiatrist had asked me to reach out to her for help with S12. Showing compassion and a need for her.

2. I reached out, got a vague, yet positive reply. (early last week)

3. Saw ad in paper on Sunday for a very nice restaurant opening for brunch on Mothers day. Texted her with a date and time for brunch. I did not mention who would be going other than us. She replied minutes later and let me know she had family plans that day. (family from out of town all going to her grandmothers). My reply was "okay. Maybe next time. Her answer "definitely"

4.She arrive Sunday for S4 pick-up. rainy day...rainy weekend. She was friendly, came in and sat down, stayed longer than usual. Noticed my clean home, saw my meal cooking on the stove, generally just checking things out. she has very curly hair. Straightens is on non humid days, but if humid, it curls within 2 hours. She arrived, fresh pedicure and straight hair.

I am so focused on other things in my life at this point, but I do see/notice her. I am not trying to read into things. I need nothing from her. I love and want her in my life, but not as friends. She knows this. No expectations. Nothing more than staying in my center and letting women come to me. Being strong and non-needy. Seeing changes around me. Re-reading c. waynes book (4th time). Trying to keep moving with the advice from here. Am I seeing what I think is a shift in the relationship dynamics? Need some help here, still moving on.

[NewB3]

Any advice for my current situation?
Therapist says to continue moving on, but keep being available when she reaches out. Not drop everything and answer on the first ring, just be kind and available.
He says that from these situations it sounds as though she may be thinking about things again. (rose colored glasses?)
He also said that she has no idea what I am thinking, so to make sure I convey my actions carefully.

I remind myself daily....
open door/open heart. no expectations/no boundaries. Look forward, stay true to myself and GAL. Find things outside my comfort zone. Change it up and go new places and see new people.

[Cadet]

Therapist says to continue moving on, but keep being available when she reaches out.

I would rephrase this to be keep moving forward!
Create a little mystery.

Take focus off of her and keep it on YOU.

[NewB3]

cadet,
Welcome to my story! Yes, he probably said it more like you did. Notice I did not quote

I have seen the shift in our divorced relationship. I know how I feel and what is working for me. That is all that I can focus on. She has to come to me. Much like a cat, I have to let her be and come at her own pace. She checks things out, reaches out, and then goes quiet for a few days.
Again, I have removed boundaries that I had up. I am welcoming without pursuing and charming without showing interest. I share a funny story every now and then. I very rarely invite her to things I do with the kids. Sometimes, knowing she wants to be with us, I will send a pic via text. If I do, she is all over it. If I send no pics, she chats us all up about what we did and such. I am in control and confident that with everyone's help here, I can post in the success stories someday.

[Cadet]

She has to come to me. Much like a cat, I have to let her be and come at her own pace.
She checks things out, reaches out, and then goes quiet for a few days.

Sounds like my squirrel story.....

You know how do you feed a squirrel?

Good Job

[NewB3]

No, how do you feed a squirrel? Have a link to your story for me?

[NewB3]

I found it in a few places.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post2559976

Mr. Bond had a story on that page. Should I try an invite since she said "definitely" to the mothers day thing for some other time? Or should I invite her out with just me? Dinner, lunch,brunch?

need some guidance as to not over do. I am fine with the other friends I have. Learning a lot about myself and what I do wrong at times.

[NewB3]

Last Sunday Ex asks me for a favor and to come to drop off S4 a litle early. She wanted me to come cut out pictures from school. She has never been good at that.I arrived, cut out pics as she visited with S11 and S4. After I was done S4 wanted to play and we got out a popular kids game. We all played for 30 minutes. She sat next to me. After the game, S4 being silly, let all the small balls fall on the floor. We all helped pick them up and every time I would have her a few, she would raise her had to take them, but would touch my hand. (to make sure I would not drop them? ;))
40 minute visit.
She has family in town next week and asked if we could come with them to dinner and then on the weekend to go do a festival thing in the morning. I have S4, but she wants us all there.
I feel she is carefully reaching out. I know she misses me, I can tell. I am confident, being a great father, letting her some to me, and talking to several other women. I feel great, but do notice that when I am around her, I feel it too.
S4 wanted to send her flowers for mothers day. I ordered them and she got them Thursday. The card was from him and so was the note that I dictated. However, she sent me a text and said thank you very much for the flowers. Instead of a simple "welcome", I did not want credit for the gift, but the acknowledgement was nice. I simply replied..."Happy Mother's Day!"

S4 mention to me this week after school "It was fun playing the game when you took me to mommy's house. We got to spend time together as a family! I told you mommy misses you. We had fun (thumbs up/big smile). This floored me, but I kept calm and just smiled.

I do not know what she is thinking, and she does not know what I am thinking. I have to take this SUPER slow. I am continuing my GAL and I feel she is noticing my 180's have stuck.

Looking for some solid thinking on my situation from you.