Where do I go from here?

[NewB3]

I assume I am headed in the right direction? This feels right, BUT WAW is the best person I have ever met. Our time together was magical. We were best friends and I feel a sense of numbness with her. Like my broken and crushed heart has a scab there.
She feels what she does and noting may ever bring her back into my life romantically. Those memories are simply that now. I feel like DB is not me now. I do not get what I can ask/offer/read here to help me now. Feeling kind of lost at sea with this non-tethered ship.
Starsky? Sandi2? Anyone... you have been through more of this stuff than I have. Any advice? Things for me to think about?

[NewB3]

SO I have made it top priority to be free. I have a new friend. No relationship interest, just having fun together. WAS started some strange things this past week while I had S11 and S4 for spring break. I sent WAS one picture mid week of both kids. I shared a second text moments later of something funny from the trip. She replied LOL. I gave her some funny story in the followup and said S11 would send her a pic of us. (all 3 of us )
This past week, my WAS took my oldest son from a previous marriage to breakfast. She invited him Thursday night for Saturday AM. Upon returning, hung out for a few. I offered to let her sit down, she said she needed to use the restroom. (first time ever doing that here) She came back and sat for about 10 minutes chatting with both kids. At pickup on Easter, she came over and sat on the couch and chatted. S4 saw a pic on my phone from our fun week and scrolled. She sat and scrolled with him asking questions about the pics. She stayed almost 30 minutes. Comments about how nice the house looks or something that I have changed is noted and complimented. She held S4 on the way out and half way to the door said, give daddy a hug. She leaned back towards me for that. I put my hand on her shoulder and gripped him for a hug. Kissed his cheek and said I love you. I did not put a name on the i love you. Let her think what she wants.

Today would have been our anniversary. I would and have not called her for any reason other than a quick call about kids. Rarely. She usually reaches out. Today she called me on my way home. She asked questions about S4 and reminded me she needed a paper for his school and a special toy for school. Said she could come get it thursday. I told her I had plans and Wednesday would be better. Found out that her normal Tuesday Therapy appointment was no longer. Said she had not been in a while.

I have done well dropping the rope and moving on....then this happens. I feel like I have back slid tonight. I cannot help but wonder WHY. Why call, why the sudden changes. I am not chasing, overly accommodating, needy, nor do I touch her or reach out. Although I have grabbed her hand on accident when handing off stuff. I invited her to NONE of the easter festivities I took the boys to. I felt she would feel that was needy of me and I do not want to have her feel I am available.

What could she be feeling/thinking? No therapist, no people in her life other than parents, child, and her work from home. She is getting her alone/personal time. Until she reaches out to talk, which my therapist said will come, I am moving forward with my life. I cannot just float here waiting for her.

Thoughts? Advice? Been a while since I came here, but I needed you guys again.....

[NewB3]

Mixed feelings today. Boy, she really got into my head. Not sure what the future holds.....

[Bob723]

Hello NewB3,

I can understand why you have such mixed feelings.

Do yuo think she feels like she made a mistake?

Please hang in there . . . we are here for you!

Bob

[NewB3]

I feel she may be coming out of her fog. She has said nothing. I am not holding my breath.

Leaving the door to my heart open for her, but cannot sit around. I have a life too. Seeing she does not have her "feminist" therapist anymore, she may have different gut feelings? Who knows.

[pilot]

Hey NewB3. I have only read up on your situation on this particular thread so if I am missing a bunch on your sitch, sorry. I just wanted to chime in what first came to my mind when reading.

As Starsky mentioned, you may be having a hard time really letting go of her to the detriment of moving forward with your own life. There is nothing wrong with holding out hope...most people here do. But what stuck out to me (again I only read the past 3 pages) was it still seems you are sitting around waiting for her to show signs of wanting to come back. Instead, you should be going out and creating a life for yourself that will DRAW her interest to you. Think back to who you were when you two first met. Something about your life/lifestyle caught her eye. Find that part of you again. Be the person she would be a fool to leave...and a fool not to chase after. its great you are having positive signs. Appreciate them and learn from them, but do not bank your future or sanity on them. You are going to have a lot more of those afternoons on the couch like you did the other day before she really begins to consider R. The other day was her raising an eyebrow, so to speak. It caught her attention. Remember, now that you are D, there really is no sense of urgency on her part to reconsider. Especially if she knows you are still single and readily available. She may be having second thoughts, she may not. But when she sees you happy and moving on with your life without her, thats when she will really begin to have those conversations with herself. People want what they cannot have. You can keep the door open, while at the same time move in your own direction.

Again, I may be way off because I have not followed your threads but it was just what popped into my mind.

Best of luck to you

[NewB3]

Yes Pilot, I see your point, but I have a little hope, we all do. I mention above that I have a new friend. We go out, have fun, and do adult things. Enjoying time together. I spend plenty of time with my friends. I work on my house. I never reach out to WAS. I follow our schedule for pick up and drop off. Seeing her only every other sunday is the extent of it, unless she reaches out. She ALWAYS sees me happy, house clean, looking fit, new clothes, smiling, and focusing solely on our son. She has gotten back to complementing me. In the beginning I feel it was to make me feel better about what happened. I did not really comment on it, nor welcome those comments. I built up so many boundaries. Thru therapy, I knew I needed to let those down a bit. To leave the door a little bit open for her. However, at the same time, moving on....dropping the rope, and sailing my ship back into the dating pool. Just dating, chatting with other single women and trying to "schedule" dates. Right now I have the one female friend, no labels, all up front on the no relationship thing. I am not ready and not being honest would be fair to no one.

Feel free to go back and read my other pages, it might explain my situation better.

[NewB3]

I took my friend with me out of town this weekend. Although I do not feel we are compatible as a couple. We do have fun together. It is nice to have a friend that has no expectations of a relationship just fun to be with.
I felt a big disconnect from my last wife this weekend. I'm not sure what this feeling is but I have looked at myself in the mirror many times over the past few days and said…
"She is not interested in a relationship with you. She has made it clear where she stands on her love for you. You need to MoveOn for you. Do not worry about what she is thinking. If she's thinking anything you need to know about she will tell you. Remember she is very methodical she plans things out, she is a thinker. Move on, have fun, and meet new people. Just because you date someone does not mean you are forgetting her we're getting married again."
This is helped me lose my focus on anything to do with her. I feel that there is an emptiness in the place of my heart where she used to be.

[NewB3]

I spoke that whole last post into my phone...I have now noticed a BIG typo...let me correct what I tell myself.....
I have looked at myself in the mirror many times over the past few days and said…
"She is not interested in a relationship with you. She has made it clear where she stands on her love for you. You need to MoveOn for you. Do not worry about what she is thinking. If she's thinking anything you need to know about she will tell you. Remember she is very methodical she plans things out, she is a thinker. Move on, have fun, and meet new people. Just because you date someone does not mean you are forgetting WAW or that I am getting married to whomever I date."

Hope that clarifies things. I feel I am helping myself move on little by little. It is not rocket science, you just have to get the feelings out of the way and lead with your gut. My heart cannot be used to lead, it is wounded

[sandi2]

I have not been where you are in your life, but based on the experiences of other people, it is very important that you GAL. You seem to be reaching out a bit more to others now, but maybe you should challenge yourself a little more. In other words, step out of your comfort zone just a bit.

I have a feeling you and your W were such good friends in your M that you did not see the need to make other friends, especially if they were not a couple. It happens to a lot of couples and then when they are no longer a "couple" it feels really weird trying to find where you belong.

Reading your threads, I see a man who seems to rather be home than anywhere else, and there's certainly nothing wrong there, but maybe set yourself a goal to go somewhere at least once a week. I don't mean a "trip", but just someplace that puts you among people. Nobody enjoys alone time better than I do, but at this particular time in your life....you need people and you may have to push yourself to get out there where they are.

I am glad you found a new friend who enjoys doing things with you. I hope you don't talk to her about your XW, too much. (You didn't think I knew, did ya? )