Seperated and she is with someone - I'm desperate

[vdubber]

I stayed home this morning so I could get started on reading DB. I just finished part 1 and want to start on part 2 but have a mtg at the office this afternoon...plus I want to go buy a hilighter and notebook to take notes so I can start building goals for myself.

I'm still very much missing W and want to get a text from her but I feel that is unlikely. I cant help but feel that when she had texted me late Monday asking to meet and I declined that she has wrote me off...idk but I am sticking to the NC even if it kills me...which sometimes i think it actually could.

last night I went to go to a place for dinner and a drink and listen to music. There was no music...guess they don't do that on Tuesdays anymore, shows how long it's been since I got out. I had a beer and ate fish tacos then headed out. It felt weird as I was by myself so a bit uncomfortable for me. No GAL plans for tonight as I want to read more of the DB book.

So I have some questions. I know I need to learn to do a 180 and GAL and that W will notice but I'm in NC which I don't know how long that should last and we swap kids on Monday nights from daycare so we do not see each other at all right now. How will she notice changes I've made if we don't have any time together?

Idk...I know I need to do this for me no matter, just getting discouraged as we have no interaction and at some point there would need to be to have any chance.

[Karma12]

Practicing befor you see her will help you get more of a PMA. This is all about learning to be happy and responsible for your self in life. The fact that your W. May notice is the bonus.

[vdubber]

My WAW posted on FB this evening that she is going to Ireland again with her dad. Last year they went in May for a month and I paid for her trip even though we were seperated. It was important to me for her to go with her dad as I thought it would be a once in a lifetime trip that and I wanted them to have that special time together. His ancestors are from Ireland and he met relatives he had there. I was glad they had that time. That was before she started working this past October so she must have arranged to get some time off this spring or summer but she hasn't mentioned it to me although she will need me to watch the kids and maybe even ask me to take care of the dogs. Idk why this next trip is bothering me...I should be happy for her but she knows I wanted to take her there someday. Idk...it is what it is. I don't mind the trip really, just a realization it will never be a trip for us together.

[Calopie]

I have no advice for you, just can feel your pain. Your situation is very similar to mine. Keep up the good fight....your thread is keeping me going! xx

[RysinMn]

Vdubber,
I have been following your post, i have recently S from W as well. and no contact for 7 days. i know it is the hardest thing ever but you have to stick to your guns. your W will notice the change because she will come closer as you pull back. just dont get fooled by the "temp check" i did and it set me back! be strong you got this.

[vdubber]

Thank you RysingMan. I am sorry for your situation and yes I know I need to maintain NC but I honestly don't know how long there should be NC. How many weeks? If she tries to contact me how long do I avoid her or decline to see her ? At some point when I feel confident in my changes I hope she has the opportunity to see me and notice.

[vdubber]

Fighting urge this morning to text WAW as I truly miss her. I believe I've made it thru 7 days NC, now on day 8 if you don't count her text asking me to dinner monday and tue morning text about kids lunches which my responses were extremely short.

I know very well there is no chance she will contact me next week when she doesn't have the kids and I'm already trying to prepare myself for the sadness I will feel on valentine's day as I had previously bought her a card, a couple vintage poetry books, a vintage bookmark, and a vintage ring and earrings I know she would love. I know I can't give those to her now but to be honest I really want to. I know I am my worst enemy right now....just a bit of a struggle this morning I guess...plus I miss my kids very much.

[paul19510]

Vdubber you will know that you GAL, detachment process and life improvements are working for you when you don't remember how many days its been since you've had contact. I remember those days so well. Keep the faith and press forward. It will feel better as you continue detachment and taking care of yourself emotionally and physically.

[vdubber]

Thank you Paul. I think in my heart I know this, i just have a hard time getting myself to believe and I'm being too impatient in the process for fear she will slip away forever. I am extremely lonely but I don't want to be stupid and do anything to hurt my chances of a future reunion plus I have a huge conscience and i am just not capable of certain things. I just want to hit the phase of us speaking so I can validate and be the 180 of what wasn't working. To get a hug or kiss on the cheek or glance that let's me know I'm not just anybody to her.

I understand this is my mind racing ahead of the process. I believe true love is worth fighting for, I believe that love conquers all, that the important things in life are worth fighting for. Walking away is easy, fighting for what you believe in and want in life is what can define who we are. I want to believe that one person can save a marriage but ultimately it takes 2 to reconcile.

I have renewed faith in God and do believe all things are possible. I know I am a good man and she does as well. A couple weeks ago when I had texted her goodnight as I always had prior to NC, she responded with "goodnight Pookie" (her pet name for me) and "I appreciate your heart so so much, you just don't understand ". I've thought alot about that text as it both contained a heartfelt message of her appreciation for me as well as told me there is something she was struggling with that distanced her from me. I suppose it was the OM that I didn't know about until recently. I don't know if i should take hope from that or not. These days I just want to find some bit of hope to cling onto...to know there is something there no matter how small.

[vdubber]

Got invited to go bowling (or rather to watch and heckle) tonight by a bunch of Co workers who are in a bowling league. I didn't have any GAL plans so I think I will go. I'm having a hard time today and can't stop myself from recalling things she has said to me over the past couple months...even longer. I've gotten the "I want you to find someone you can love"...even the "and i hope I could be friends with her"...really..who could ever think that?

Just so many emotions right now and believe it or not I'm way better than I was a week ago...just thought and feelings make me sad then angry then sad and dissapointed again. The reality of where I am and why I am where I am I think I've accepted. I'm angry and hurt by it but I want to fix this. I always envisioned us growing old together...holding hands, walking arm in arm. I still have those hopes and dreams. I know this sounds bad but last time I saw my IC I told her i felt guilty saying it but it's almost like I wish she would have a big health scare ore some type of event occur that would make her realize I'm here for her and would take care of her forever. It's not that I want her to get sick or anything...just that I want her to open her eyes and realize im the one and always have been...that at the end of our days we just want to know we are loved...to look into their eyes and squeeze their hand one last time.