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A Message from Michele
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Re: Separation Hell. [Re: Loli04] #2535339
02/07/15 06:52 AM
02/07/15 06:52 AM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 63
V
Vince H Offline
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Vince H  Offline
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V
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 63
You have a choice to make. Do you want to reconcile your marriage or do you want to end it and move on. I have read on here that if you want to have any chance of reconciling the marriage to put the divorce off for as long as possible.


Me:39 Her:35
Daughter: 6
Married: 11
Together: 13
D-day: 5.7.14
She left: 1.26.14
Status: Separated
Re: Separation Hell. [Re: susana4] #2539137
02/17/15 01:51 AM
02/17/15 01:51 AM
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 1
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Hurt2 Offline
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Hurt2  Offline
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H
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 1
Sorry to bust your post. I don't know how to make my own post.. My husband has been gone for 3 months. I've read the book. He was texting everyday with i love you's and I miss you's I want you's. He is living with another woman. He sent me valentines flowers ask to meet me that Friday. We had an awesome night together, he promised to come home just give him time. And for me not to date anyone for me wait for him. Well on Monday he continued with the same o'l sweet sayings. He told me to wait for him to find us a nice home to move into. We already have a home that's paid for. I told him it shouldn't matter where we lived as long as we were together. Then did a 180 on me... Told me, " JoAnn, the truth is I'm not coming home. I just love you so much that it is so hard to hurt you. You must move on an try to find happiness. Plz don't hate me.." so now I'm lost.... What am I to do now??? I need advice please!!!!

Re: Separation Hell. [Re: Vince H] #2539372
02/17/15 08:49 PM
02/17/15 08:49 PM
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 20
L
Loli04 Offline OP
New Member
Loli04  Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 20
You're right Vince. I'm having a real hard time with deciding exactly what it is I want to do and what path to follow. The part of me that loves him and wants him to be there for our D4, wants to be patient and follow through. Then there's the part which on a weekly basis finds out more and more about the involvement of another woman as the trigger for all this and that parts makes me want to tell him off repeatedly and be done with it. A few days ago I did in fact tell him off, it resulted in us having probably the most honest and intimate talk that we've had during our entire marriage but it also did a lot of damage, since he said he was considering coming back but couldn't like this. Part of me thinks that may just be B.S. to buy more time away. He's making no movement in the legal proceeding direction and this time. I wish I could read his mind. He'll come over to spend time with our daughter and does, but I watch them interact and he will be looking out of the corner of his eye to see if I'm watching. So yeah, I still need to commit to one decision, it's so hard when I miss him and watch to choke him at the same time.

Re: Separation Hell. [Re: Loli04] #2539443
02/18/15 12:23 AM
02/18/15 12:23 AM
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
M
MrBond Offline
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MrBond  Offline
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M
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
Hurt,

It's easy to make your own post. Go to: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=postlist&Board=20&page=1

Then click "New Topic" and type away.

We look forward to hearing your story.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Re: Separation Hell. [Re: MrBond] #2543817
03/02/15 07:14 PM
03/02/15 07:14 PM
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 107
M
Marylov Offline
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Marylov  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 107
Loli04! SO much of your situation is like mine. My H was in the Marines, although he got out before I met him. But I don't think anyone ever stops being a Marine. Your words below...I could have written them myself!! Our big issue is that is disrespect him. And yes, I could have done things differently, but even he admits that he is easily triggered. I never meant to disrespect him.

And ohh my. your comment about the traffic. I would often be embarrassed by how he lost his temper while driving with someone else in the car. And when we got married, I had just finished my masters degree, and even though he is incredibly intelligent, he didn't go to college and I think he never felt comfortable around some of my “friends”.

I really hope you are able to find happiness with your H again. It sounds like he still is interested in you and especially your D. I think for me the biggest thing is to remember that you still have a choice. You are not helpless. There is strength in standing for your marriage. That doesn’t make you weak, even if you “deserve” better. It makes you a person of character. But standing for your marriage doesn’t mean you have to wait around being miserable. You can choose to use this time to make yourself happy, which is sounds like you are doing! So stay strong!


"He often feels that he's being disrespected by people, and this angers him. I'm sure he often felt I disrespected him and this must have been difficult since he has his own insecurities he deals with.

It didn't occur to me then, that correcting someone when they are factually wrong could be seen as disrespect. Ive always believed that knowledge is power and sharing that comes from a good place, and while he never articulated it, I have a good feeling this is what he felt. However with him it goes beyond that. Traffic would make him angry, people walking slow in front of him, anyone questioning his motives or actions. Even offers of help were viewed as an insult. He did acknowledge during one of our last conversations how angry he feels.

I wish I could say I didn't do it often but I'm sure I did. Our educational backgrounds are very different, and I think that really rubs raw his insecurities about his intelligence. Which is odd because he's actually rather intelligent. But I suppose most of our insecurities are unfounded."


Me:30 H:31
D1
T: 7 years M: 3.5 years
BD: 12/2014
3 month S starts: 2/2015
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