CALL 303-444-7004 to get started right away!

 

 


A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


A Divorce Busting Telephone Coach
can help you save your marriage singlehandedly!
CALL 303-444-7004
or see Coaching Packages online at the Divorce Busting Store

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11
Happiness Can Exist Only In Acceptance #2528870
01/19/15 08:12 PM
01/19/15 08:12 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 841
H
HPoirot Offline OP
Member
HPoirot  Offline OP
Member
H
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 841
Here's a link to all my threads so far...

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rted&page=1

George Orwell said "Happiness can exist only in acceptance."

I'm going to test that now. Start living in my sitch instead of fighting or escaping it. Time now to take advice well given here.

It funny... my sitch is paralleling Denver_2010's a little. He struggled with anger and control, then set a 90 day countdown for himself to get control, then left that when events kept spiraling out of his control.

Events keep happening that I couldn't possibly predict. I can't imagine what could possibly happen next.

So now I'm down to day by day. Just slow down... focus of my circle of influence... shrink that circle if I can. Find one thing I can really be passionate about doing. Keep doing it. Share my passion and centeredness with my boy. Keep going.

I have to keep... start... DBing.

Today a very beautiful and special woman said she loves me. Said she always has. And she said we have no future.

There's no escaping this for me. I have a vision for my life on my own. I can do much more to get there. No more distractions.

Onward.


Me: 44
W: 45
S: 11
Married: 15
Together: 18
BD: 9/29/2014
OM discovered: 10/16/2014
I left her behind: 12/14/2014
Re: Happiness Can Exist Only In Acceptance [Re: HPoirot] #2528890
01/19/15 08:41 PM
01/19/15 08:41 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,585
L
LITB Offline
Member
LITB  Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,585
Originally Posted By: HPoirot
So now I'm down to day by day. Just slow down...


There you go. Slow down, focus on you HP. Slow is fast, and fast is slow.


Me:45 W:48
M: 04/97
1st BD: 11/10
2nd ReCon: 05/14
D-16 S-13
Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Re: Happiness Can Exist Only In Acceptance [Re: LITB] #2528911
01/19/15 09:43 PM
01/19/15 09:43 PM
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 94
A
Andy125 Offline
Member
Andy125  Offline
Member
A
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 94
Hang in there... slow and steady... I struggle with the same things and know it can be immensely hard! But you can do it!


M:34 W:34
D:8 D:5
M:10 T:15
BD: 10/10/14 D filed: 10/21/14
PA/EA:09/2013 EA:09/2014 - on going (online)
Re: Happiness Can Exist Only In Acceptance [Re: Andy125] #2529009
01/20/15 02:03 AM
01/20/15 02:03 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 841
H
HPoirot Offline OP
Member
HPoirot  Offline OP
Member
H
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 841
Hello LITB and Andy. Right... Slow is fast and fast is slow. Just slowly working on myself, learning to be better me, and enjoying life.

I read your sitch LITB again from the beginning. Saw how detachment came for you for real a little more than a year in. I really looking at how my anger and treatment of my W are keeping me from detaching. Not letting her go on her path.

So she's still reaching out daily...

Today W did meet with my IC to talk about S12. She left a VM directly after her meeting saying how wonderful she felt my IC was... how comfortable she felt talking with her. She was crying a little while she spoke.

W went on to say she made additional appointments with her and S12. W also followed up with a text saying the same thing. She thanked me for sharing my IC with her.

We had not discussed her continuing to see my IC with S12. I said I would take S12 to the appointments. I'm sure it's a good thing, though, so I will be supportive of her helping S12 with my IC.

This week I have me stuff to do...

I have an IC appointment for me and S12 tomorrow. Goal is to be the best I can to support him through this.

I also just got "The Solo Partner" to read and learn how to be a better H.

I have an IC appointment for myself on Thursday to work on my anger and detaching from W.

Also planning a spring break trip for me and S12. Maybe Disney World or a kid friendly Caribbean resort.

Treated myself to watching some NBA games today.

Will go for a run tomorrow.

This morning was emotionally very hard. I'm better now. I don't want my life to get any more confusing and stressful than it already is.

Just keep going.


Me: 44
W: 45
S: 11
Married: 15
Together: 18
BD: 9/29/2014
OM discovered: 10/16/2014
I left her behind: 12/14/2014
Re: Happiness Can Exist Only In Acceptance [Re: HPoirot] #2529056
01/20/15 04:10 AM
01/20/15 04:10 AM
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 557
B.C. Canada
K
Karma12 Offline
Member
Karma12  Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 557
B.C. Canada
HP you are on the right path. This post sounds so positive. The more you detach the happier you will feel. I Always find planning things ahead of me ( like a trip) gives me something to look forward to.


Me 52 H 44
T9 M 5
BD 12/11 H
split 8/12
OW moved in 12/12
OW gone for good 6/14
We get closer again 9/14
SD 13 Me 4 Grown





Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
Re: Happiness Can Exist Only In Acceptance [Re: Karma12] #2529146
01/20/15 02:14 PM
01/20/15 02:14 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 841
H
HPoirot Offline OP
Member
HPoirot  Offline OP
Member
H
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 841
Originally Posted By: Karma12
HP you are on the right path. This post sounds so positive. The more you detach the happier you will feel. I Always find planning things ahead of me ( like a trip) gives me something to look forward to.


Hello Karma. Thank you for that... I'm determined to stay and do positive today. Just focusing on today.

I feel good and relaxed this morning. I switched to taking the AD last night and I slept very soundly. Hopefully that will stop the hard napping during the day.

I did have one problem. I'm going to be honest and write it here to be honest with myself so I don't fall further into denial.

I've wanted to talk with my OW from 5 years ago this morning. I have a very strong urge to. Just one button press on my phone and it's done.

I'm not going to. I just want to.

So yes I have to detach from her too.

Luckily... I'm learning Portuguese using the Duolingo program. It's really fantastic for occupying a wandering mind. I very highly recommend it.

Just keep going.


Me: 44
W: 45
S: 11
Married: 15
Together: 18
BD: 9/29/2014
OM discovered: 10/16/2014
I left her behind: 12/14/2014
Re: Happiness Can Exist Only In Acceptance [Re: HPoirot] #2529148
01/20/15 02:19 PM
01/20/15 02:19 PM
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 4,256
M
Mach1 Offline
Member
Mach1  Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 4,256
Originally Posted By: HPoirot
I did have one problem. I'm going to be honest and write it here to be honest with myself so I don't fall further into denial.

I've wanted to talk with my OW from 5 years ago this morning. I have a very strong urge to. Just one button press on my phone and it's done.


Temptation is like a knife, that may either cut the meat, or the throat of a man. It may be his food, or his poison, his exercise or his destruction.
John Owen


Remove the temptation, or concede to it...

Your choice....

Re: Happiness Can Exist Only In Acceptance [Re: Mach1] #2529162
01/20/15 03:57 PM
01/20/15 03:57 PM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,375
C
cat04 Offline
Member
cat04  Offline
Member
C
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,375
Why do you still have her number?



"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Re: Happiness Can Exist Only In Acceptance [Re: cat04] #2529177
01/20/15 04:31 PM
01/20/15 04:31 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
S
Sotto Offline
Member
Sotto  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
HP - I've been keeping up with your sitch. And thinking about Cat04's response too.

You know this isn't a good idea. You know how A's develop and that you're facing challenges right now, feeling pretty low, and here she is telling you she missed out last time round.

Is it best to just let her know that this isn't what you want and that you are hoping to save your M if you can. Then just delete her number and move forwards. Remember all the stuff we read about 'cold turkey' - it's the only way to go IMHO.

Because if that number is just sitting in your phone and can be pressed at any time, it may only be a matter of time before you do...


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: Happiness Can Exist Only In Acceptance [Re: Sotto] #2529194
01/20/15 05:07 PM
01/20/15 05:07 PM
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 628
Z
zew Offline
Member
zew  Offline
Member
Z
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 628
HP, lose her number. Get it out of your phone.

1) You know very well that you are in no place to start an R right now,

2) Remember who this is - it's your OW. OW. What was the basis of that relationship again? Oh ya, OW. Today you are daydreaming about a daydream from 5 years ago. It's a mirage. It's not real. It's the sirens luring you to the rocks. Hard to port, man!

HP, you are through the worst of the detachment process, finally in a position to start making a good future for HP. Don't buy another problem for short money.

Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004