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#2526792 01/14/15 05:12 AM
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Card29 Offline OP
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Not providing a link to previous thread because I'm on my phone, and there aren't any major events to carry over from the end of the last thread. You can click my username and view previous threads I've started

I've been calming down a little bit since outlining my recent, relatively mild struggles a couple of days ago. Feeling calm, excited. Last night I went to a guy's night football party, which was great fun. I could have went with one less hamdog (...you don't want to know...had to detox with Greek yogurt and veggies today lol), but it was just what I needed. Tonight I went to a basketball game with a friend, his fiancé and one of their friends. Pretty fun night.

I have D2 for only the next two nights, then she goes back to WAW for the weekend since FIL will be in town to visit. I'm taking advantage and driving to VA to go snowboarding with my cousin. Can't wait!

Last edited by Card29; 01/14/15 05:17 AM.

Me 38, WAW 30
D11 (former marriage)
S2
T 8 years
M 3 years
BD 8/20/23
S 8/20/23
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Hey, Card, I saw your question to Ss about worrying about her daughter and I wanted to share a few things.

One of my best friends from high school is the child of parents who divorced when she was 2. She's been in a happy marriage with three kids for the last 15+ years. She has a GREAT relationship with her mom. She would have loved to have also had a great relationship with her dad, but he drifted away from her after the divorce and by the time she graduated from high school he didn't even come to the graduation. That upset her terribly. Her parents being apart, she was OK with.

Not to say I'm the model of mental health, but she had no more problems than me (and we were both goody-two-shoes). No more problems (and rather fewer) than our other best friend who lived with parents who were happily married.

It stinks to say it, but kids DO adjust. They may not like it, but if they are loved, valued, and nurtured, and they know it, the other stuff becomes the same kind of background noise as the other factors in their life. Just part of the status quo.

They also are sharp and have an interest in understanding their environment. It is not lost on my kids that their dad hardly ever calls them and that he's traveling for their birthdays. You worry about your D. Just be a great dad to her and she'll be OK. If you want some reassurance about that, get one of the many parenting books that addresses daughters or dads and daughters. She will be OK if you make that your goal.

You've come a long way in a short time. I hope you're proud of yourself. Enjoy the snowboarding (where is there snow??? I want to take my kids out) and stay away from the hamdogs. smile


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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Card29 Offline OP
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Skiing is pretty slim in the Ohio Valley area. We have a tiny hill in Paoli, IN (Paoli "Peaks") and a slightly less tiny hill in Lawrenceburg, IN (near Cincinnat - Perfect North Slopes). Someone from out west or the northeast would be bored immediately, but for us, they are as good as we could hope for smile

And thanks for sharing about your friend. I have no doubt that both WAW and myself will love D2 like crazy for all of our lives. I do believe D2 will be okay.



Okay, so my latest stress-inducer is my credit score. WAW always handled our finances. It was just never my role. So I never really paid attention. Well, now that I'm on my own, I looked up my credit score...it is complete garbage. Like, I don't think I could get a loan of any kind at this point. It is mainly due to two things: we missed my student loan payments the month D2 was born. There are several independent loans (all very small monthly payments, $7-11/mo), but each one dinged my score. So $70 total late, in one month, contributed a half dozen "late payments" to my score. That was almost 3 years ago. And apparently, our Target credit card, which WAW has had the last 6 months, was not paid for almost 4 months this fall. And I didn't know this until now, but it's in my name. She had the card, she spent the money, she didn't pay the bill, and now my credit score is almost on the lowest rung of the credit ladder. this Target card late payment is going to kill me for the next 7 years, apparently.

Last edited by Card29; 01/15/15 08:51 PM.

Me 38, WAW 30
D11 (former marriage)
S2
T 8 years
M 3 years
BD 8/20/23
S 8/20/23
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So you have a 120 day late on your Target credit card?

It won't completely crush you for the next 7 years - but that's pretty bad. I don't know if there's anything you can do because you didn't realize it was in your name (not sure of the legalities of a wife opening up a credit line in the husband's name without his knowledge). It's worth approaching Target and explaining the situation.

Creditors are just supposed to report factual information but its not unheard of for them to extend a "courtesy" now and then to a customer. If they adjust it even to a 60 day late - it will haunt your score for far less of a time (will impact your score primarily for the next two years).

If you google "myfico" and investigate their boards you can find a trove of useful information. I recommend searching by "Target" becuase other people will have shared their stories of what they did under similar circumstances.


2 Ds: 7 and 4
BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
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Card29 Offline OP
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Thank you so much for sharing that. It's actually only listed as 90 days late on my credit report. During one of our R talks in December, WAW handed me the card and said, "This is in your name. I just paid it off." I'm having trouble even accessing the account at the moment, that's how little I knew about it. But I do think she actually paid it off in December. Last payment was in August. So late months were Sept, Oct & Nov.

Last edited by Card29; 01/15/15 09:44 PM.

Me 38, WAW 30
D11 (former marriage)
S2
T 8 years
M 3 years
BD 8/20/23
S 8/20/23
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Card29 Offline OP
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Wow, at first glance, the forums on myfico.com look amazing. Maybe that will be my new DB home, too. Bon voyage, everyone! wink


Me 38, WAW 30
D11 (former marriage)
S2
T 8 years
M 3 years
BD 8/20/23
S 8/20/23
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,077
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Don't go!!


M: 37 H: 36
M: 13 T: 18
D: 7
Bomb: 6/30/14
Separation: 8/11/14

Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.
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It will definitely be worth your while to see if you can get the 90 day reduced. 60 days is bad but not nearly to the extent as a 90.

Also - continue to work on getting those student loan lates removed if you can. Part of your credit score (depending on the bureau- Equifax is particularly sensitive to this) - is the ratio accts that have ever had a late versus the others.

Good Luck!


2 Ds: 7 and 4
BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
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Card29 Offline OP
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I haven't asked this on myfico yet because I want to read a lot before posting (like reading DR before posting here). But I called the student loan people today and the said one of the three credits core agencies had to remove it (Equifax, Transunion, Expirian). That flies in the face of everything I've seen anywhere that talks about writing letters to the companies whom you have debt with.


Me 38, WAW 30
D11 (former marriage)
S2
T 8 years
M 3 years
BD 8/20/23
S 8/20/23
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 955
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Sometimes a lender wants you to follow the process of disputing with a credit bureau first. That will get you no where. There was a 60 minutes expose on how badly that process works. Try writing directly to the lender (and fax a letter if you can get a hold of fax number.

It helps if you can get executive names off of the company website and send copies of the letter directly to them.

Last edited by raliced; 01/16/15 01:29 AM.

2 Ds: 7 and 4
BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
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