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Oops it looks like we are posting at the same time Mozza.

I have many friends in real life who have reconciled after separation. The stories are usually about the WAS being immature or having some kind of life crisis and needing to go find themselves. Feeling like the relationship wasn't right and they needed to go search for someone else. The LBS then trying to move on with their lives but often staying in some sort of contact as friends.

Something happens... the WAS splits up with OP, the LBS starts dating someone and is happy, the WAS grows up and realizes their mistake, or an external event pushes them together. Something shifts and the two start spending time together again and eventually work it out. It's not easy or perfect but they now both know they are in it together.

While my LBS friends didn't know about DB I don't think, they often put some of the ideas into practice. They didn't beg & plead, they developed confidence and moved on. Maybe they were friendly, maybe they avoided the WAS but they always kept the door of communication open. I don't think any of them went dark for long. More like a period of detaching and then talking once in a while. Some of them even stayed living in the same house but had separate lives. Ugh, difficult!

Hope this answers your question Mozza! I too am fascinated by the stories of reconciliation and how it all came about in the end.

Hugs, Lisa

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Quote:
Look, this clown your W is moving in with, he sounds like a flash in the pan. No way this is going to work out! He was your W's ticket to get out of the marriage and go have a fun new life that she believed will be perfect. Everyone knows living with a new person is not a bed of roses. You are lucky they are living together. His faults will have their chance to shine. Either he will be a slob or a neat freak. Maybe he will be cranky in the morning. Maybe he will forget to buy milk. Who knows what will happen, but they will quickly have something to fight about I'll bet.


Go Lisa, Go Lisa!


Let's see Mozza post on how he is going about being the best Mozza.

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Good and interesting story Mozza. With a good ending. Felt like I read my own story, only to th point that OM is at her work and things went down from there. But the description of how she felt I think is very accurate for describing the early stage of an EA.

Sorry to hear about your developments. We have kind of a similar case. I feel like my wife thinks she can always return. She just knows, even if I show different action. And right now she probably would even feel better about her decision if she sees me happy.

Stay strong Mozza. It's so obvious how much you love her and what good of a person you are. Time will show her.


Me 32 (German) Wife 28
T 3yrs M 2yrs
Moved to US for W
No kids
BD 6/2014
In house separation
Confirmed EA 1/2015
(ongoing since BD)
OM not ready
Real D talk started 1/27/15


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Copying that, from LITB, found on NAJ1964's thread. Seems relevant right now.

Originally Posted By: LITB
My divorce was signatures away from legally being over, and it got ugly. Somehow, with a lot of work and the grace of God, we worked things out.

There is so much in that "somehow"!

Wonka wrote this to lnlyship:

Originally Posted By: Wonka
I want to disabuse you of the notion that a reconciliation can happen in a month's time as you just lamented above in your post. I've been around the boards for a long time and the shortest reconciliation time was approximately 8 months. Even that is a rarity. Generally speaking, it typically occurs about 1 to 2 years of hoard core DBing. Mind you, it is not a guarantee.

I think I need to set 2015 free. I don't focus on a timeline anymore, but I keep thinking about what suggests she'll come back with the underlying assumptions that the signs should start to appear. I keep being disappointed and it makes DBing real hard because I can't be a "natural".

I'm going to spend the coming week thinking she's not coming back. Not really being pessimistic, just moved on. I want to experiment with that thought.


M39 D6 D3 (at S)
S 2014-09
D 2016-09

"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
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Probably the way to go.
This will be so hard. I'm afraid of that, but eventually I have to do the same.
Let me know how your plan is evolving. It's crucial to completely let go. There is such a fine line between giving up and hope. Letting go hope is almost impossible, humans are made like that. That's what keeps us alive, in our case it's killing us tho frown


Me 32 (German) Wife 28
T 3yrs M 2yrs
Moved to US for W
No kids
BD 6/2014
In house separation
Confirmed EA 1/2015
(ongoing since BD)
OM not ready
Real D talk started 1/27/15


Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,532
Likes: 1
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Mozza Offline OP
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Thanks for your kind words, Complex. I think it's more about detachment and no expectations than letting go and giving up. I'm not going to do anything that could mean the end of my M, but I'm not going to focus on it as much. This was going to be a crucial year in my business project and it turns out to be all about my failed M. I need to get back to those projects because they are part of what will make me a man only a fool would leave.
-----------------

I'm very grateful that the moderators let me go beyond the 100 posts limit while an important topic came up. I'm now moving to a new thread.

Mozza 8


M39 D6 D3 (at S)
S 2014-09
D 2016-09

"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
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