I felt a sadness today which I haven't felt in a long time. Most days I'm on this clear path moving forward. Where I plan things for the kids and I.. Where I consider selling my place and wondering where to move..
But then there are these moments... This morning I woke up and my closet doors were open. Everything is hung very neatly and I had been labelling stuff the day before... I looked at everything and thought, I have a lot of stuff! And then suddenly I could actually picture what it looked like when H's stuff was hanging on his side of the closet.. And it made me sad... Not for H. But for all that has changed.
Things I don't miss.. -tiptoeing around H and trying not to rock the boat with him -feeling anxious every time he was on his phone texting -feeling not good enough after discovering the EAs and the PA -always trying to be accommodating to keep him happy
My lesson for today.. Close the closet doors before going to bed.
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
It's OK to feel that way sometimes. Divorce suucks...and it should suuck! Deep wounds and sadness will raise their heads periodically. What we all lost was important. I too, don't miss all the b.s. of my W and the tiptoeing etc but I do miss being a family sometimes, I miss that feeling that at least one part of my life was secure...wrong, but it was nice to think that. So feel it, let it go and move on and boil some bunnies lol!
Things I don't miss.. -tiptoeing around H and trying not to rock the boat with him -feeling anxious every time he was on his phone texting -feeling not good enough after discovering the EAs and the PA -always trying to be accommodating to keep him happy
Yes we all have those days, at least we did until we stop having them and trust me eventually you will thank goodness! However your "things I don't miss" list above is very familiar to me and I found not missing them once my ex moved out to be absolutely priceless and well worth the pain of everything else in the long run - i.e. the rejection of my ex and having to start over.
Yea, for all that has changed and all that was planned. I know this also. Such was the life I thought we were planning. I believe we all do and having these feelings illustrates to me at least that we are human and in touch with our realities.
In my experience life has a way of running in cycles and self balances. The highs and lows level out after a while and I am attempting to make a little positive bias here, to me this how to use perception.
Others may look upon my situation and perceive it as less than as or worse than it is, based upon my perception. It is my perception that matters to me and if I am happy and upbeat then I am making my situation better.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
I would think it would be weird not to have moments of sadness after building and sharing a life for for so many years. Some days we'll grieve the loss of the M, others the loss of the friendship, or the loss of shared plans, interests, dreams...
I would think these things won't completely go away, perhaps just diminish with time?
And yes - then there are the times when something triggers a memory and I think - "I don't miss that."
In my case, what has changed is how I react to these moments and how long I linger in them - less and less for sure.
Time does help heal...
It's good to see some old familiar folks posting. I think I might start a new thread too.
(BFloat)
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
Thanks for all the support. For the most part, I am good. Happy. There are just these occasional dips that people don't get unless they've been through it themselves. These moments don't linger like they use to... And a quick reminder of all H has put me through shakes sense back into me.
KG.. I hope you do start a new thread! I just like to know about how friends are doing. Even just the mundane everyday... I miss that!
As for the new bizarre.. Found out BIL cheated on SIL! She left a teary voice msg. I was left a little speechless since I haven't had contact with her in over a year. I think she stopped talking to me when she knew that H was dating other women.. Or maybe she had even met them? Anyway, quite shocking as I never would have thought BIL would do this! Apparently BIL has been talking with H (his younger brother).. And H has been encouraging her to speak with me.
Like.. What the??? So I can share my wisdom on being the scorned wife? Or... Relive the aftermath of being left with 2 small kids? We can sit around a campfire singing Kumbaya while discussing how messed up it is that both H's grandfathers cheated on their wives.. How their uncle had entirely different family for years without anyone's knowledge.. And their father cheating on their mom with multiple women for multiple years... Sad that thy both were fully aware of their father's behaviour and opposed it.. And just ended up doing the same thing.
Venting today. Took day off work to get my bearings back in order. It's new year's... Need to just recenter.
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
'the apple doesn't fall far from the tree' is a truism because it's true.
We just keep repeating the same mistakes until we wake up. And then doing the work is so difficult. It came to my attention just this week that I'm still parenting in ways I learned as a child and that I swore I wouldn't do to my children.
I got a chuckle from the kumbaya story.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
