Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 3 1 2 3
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 413
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 413
Watch the most annoying slapstick comedy or something like it when you're down. I've got the hangover III on my DVR just ready for an evening when I need my mind to shut it down.

Perhaps look for a daily affirmations app on your phone. You can revisit when you feel your thoughts drift to W. Or the old rubber band on the wrist snap trick. :-)

Or, and this is a totally chick thing to do, but make yourself a positive mindset playlist. Or an angry as [censored] playlist.

For a few weeks after BD I was listening to nothing but Alanis Morissette and Hole, on repeat for days on end. At one point, I felt (jokingly) that Courtney L I've was my spirit animal, minus the drugs, dead husband and her affinity for not wearing panties and flashing her vagina.

Music can help your mindset, might be worth a try.

It's going to be tough, especially the next weeks. But you will get through it.


M:32,H 32
T:10, M5
BD/H Move Out: 9/2014 - extreme anger
H Mental Illness Diagnosis: 4/15
Served D Papers: 10/15
Divorced: 11/15
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 151
Z
zed Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Z
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 151
Well that was fun. Prior to Christmas. W would not agree to any parenting plan for the holidays. I would suggest something. She would just say she did not agree with it and not give back any suggestions for changes. I ended up having the kids the 3 days before Christmas b/c my parents were out and Christmas eve. So I let the W have the kids Christmas day. I proposed that I was to have them the 26 and 27th then I would let her have them for 3-4 days after that. Did not get any reply except. I agree with Christmas and Christmas eve. When she came to the house to make the switch Christmas eve. I calmly said I was not leaving until we have a written agreement in place for the days each parent would have the kids on the holidays and that I would get the kids for next Christmas day.

Que the spew. "leave the house now", "I am not talking to you dumb SOB", etc. I kept calm and said I am not leaving until I know for a fact that the kids will be here when I return on the 26th. She calls her parents and her mother and Brother show up. Her mother starts into me about how everthing I am doing is bad for the kids, how Im trying to manipulate W etc.
I start to go through the Christmas parenting plan with W brother as W sits in living room seething. Not even offering any input to days etc. I ended up taking a couple less days that I thought I should have. Too many people pushing on me a gave in a little.


M:35 W 31
D's:6, 4 & 2
T:9 M:7
ILYBNILWY- Mar/14
DP Served Dec.17/14

Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 151
Z
zed Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Z
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 151
I then left to visit a few buddies for a couple days. Had some good fun. Skidooing in the mountains, snow boarding, and visiting with friends I haven't seen for a couple years. All was really good and had a great time. They were really accomidating and really seemed like they cared for me. I told them of the gong show that was Christmas eve and gave me something to really think about. This was that there should be no way that her parents or any of her family should be actively involved in our situation.

I drafted up an email and sent it to W, her parents, and her brother stating that it was unacceptable to be actively involved in this situation. If you want to give W support that is fine. But there is to be no more contact with me about anything about this situation. I then said if there is. There will be no choice to do everything through the lawyers. I also clarified a lot of information that W's mother was on me about that she did not have the right facts. ie. She said I wanted to have kids new years eve and that was a holiday so W should have extra day. Not so. W mentioned to me in mediation a month ago that she wanted to go out for new years so I took the kids. I just could not think fast enough when everyone was jumping on me the night of Christmas eve.


M:35 W 31
D's:6, 4 & 2
T:9 M:7
ILYBNILWY- Mar/14
DP Served Dec.17/14

Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 151
Z
zed Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Z
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 151
I guess the plus side in all of this is that all the W's hate spew has really helped me detach. There is no way that I could see myself with this woman right now. My one buddy thinks she has completely lost her marbles.

Also I got kids back today. Came into house. Was greeted by 3 happy kids yelling Daddy's home, Daddy's home. They were all pulling my arm 3 different ways trying to show me or tell me something. W left house without saying anything to me. 3 days with the kids now. I love those little buggers. Then after new year start to protect myself financially. Add limits to all supplemental credit cards, take off her signing authority for my company. Change all passwords for internet banking. Cleared all this with L prior to Christmas to make sure I could do it. Was hoping I didn't. But W is totally crazy at the moment I think it has to be done


M:35 W 31
D's:6, 4 & 2
T:9 M:7
ILYBNILWY- Mar/14
DP Served Dec.17/14

Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,720
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,720
Hi zed. That sounds pretty rough and it's not fair for her to do that. You might want to consider an option though that if she is unable to speak with you that she nominated someone to speak (and agree) on her behalf - like her brother. Its a middle ground short of lawyers

You MUST protect yourself financially though. ASAP.


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 151
Z
zed Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Z
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 151
Not feeling like I have been doing a lot of DB lately. Been trying to stay away from the board as it tends to get me down. I no longer have much hope that W or STBXW will change her mind. Or maybe it is that I no longer hope for me, but I still feel an overwhelming sadness for the kids as I always hoped they would have a "perfect" family.

Not too sure if I even love my W that much anymore. After the spew and the stuff that has happened over the last couple months it has slowly taken its toll. I still feel like if she did turn around I would give it the best try for the kids. But there would be no expectations.

I guess all I am working on is the healing. Trying to be the person that I want to be. One that is genuine, caring, loving, loyal and just good to everyone. And that my kids, friends, and hopefully someday someone special will see that. This is all that I think I can do right now.


M:35 W 31
D's:6, 4 & 2
T:9 M:7
ILYBNILWY- Mar/14
DP Served Dec.17/14

Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 151
Z
zed Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Z
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 151
Its been a long time since I last posted. Needed to get away for awhile. Things still aren't where I would optimally be. STBXW doesn't show any signs of ever wanting to get back to together. And I have no expectations that will ever happen.

The Lawyer costs are adding up and it looks like I will have to go to court to try to get the kids 50/50.

Plus side. I don't think about her much anymore. I have been spending a great deal of time with friends and enjoying it. I do get really lonely and sad from time to time but it is getting less and less.
One of the reasons that I was scared and I was holding on to the marriage was that I thought I was "damaged goods" Who would want a 35 year old guy with 3 kids. Turns out quite a bit. I have lots of friends trying to set me up with other women. I have been out with friends and have been hit on by good looking younger women. I am not ready for anything yet. But it does sure help with the confidence.

In the last month I have done several things to keep my mind off things. I went to a friends wedding in Mexico where I went bungy jumping, deep sea fishing (caught a 7 ft marlin), went jet skiing in 10 ft waves in the ocean and spent lots of time just catching up with old friends.

So things are not great but are getting better. I am still treating my STBXW with love and respect(not getting much in return). But I am not caving into anything. I do what I think is best for me and for the kids.


M:35 W 31
D's:6, 4 & 2
T:9 M:7
ILYBNILWY- Mar/14
DP Served Dec.17/14

Page 3 of 3 1 2 3

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard