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Zed,

How did today go (aside from the obvious "it was shi*tty"?

Last edited by Calibri; 12/19/14 04:08 AM.

M:32,H 32
T:10, M5
BD/H Move Out: 9/2014 - extreme anger
H Mental Illness Diagnosis: 4/15
Served D Papers: 10/15
Divorced: 11/15
Joined: Oct 2004
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Zed,

I'm sorry for the pain in discovering that the D papers were served.

Next goal is to STFU and work closely with your L to fight for 50-50. Be prepared for W coming right at you from her foxhole. Put on your helmet and body armor. You must clearly spell out your bottom line to your L so s/he has a clear plan.

What is your bottom line?

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Feeling a bit better about my situation today. Read something that helped me and wanted to share. Thanks and good luck to all of you. Fighting to save your marriage is hard and sometimes can be un-rewarding. But after all it is the right thing to do isn't it

Quote:
[/quote]
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of it. It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow.

Maybe especially then.

For me, I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold. I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay. Instead, I choose to live.

If you’re hovering in a not-knowing space, I’m with you in it. If you’re not, you will be, soon enough (sorry to disappoint you). So what do you do when you get there? How do you keep living when your world has stopped?

Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.

Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.

Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.

Allow yourself to be loved. Did you read that? It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write a blog post. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.[quote]


M:35 W 31
D's:6, 4 & 2
T:9 M:7
ILYBNILWY- Mar/14
DP Served Dec.17/14

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Wonka. Bottom line is kids, kids, kids. I would give up everything for more time with them. Going hard for 50/50. I have my boss's support. I would not have to work on my days. Both my boss's say they will wright a letter to say that they are willing to work with any schedule I need to allow me to do 50/50.

Thanks everyone for your support. Not sure how this will turn out in the end. But I am going down fighting so that hopefully our kids will have the family they deserve.


M:35 W 31
D's:6, 4 & 2
T:9 M:7
ILYBNILWY- Mar/14
DP Served Dec.17/14

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Also talked with DB coach the other day. She helped. I have decided that there is no happy family Christmas this year. I will have them either Christmas eve or christmas and she will have them the other day.

I have lots of GAL activities planned for my Christmas break with and with-out kids.
Planning on taking the kids down-hill skiing, starting a new Christmas tradition, seeing family and friends I haven't seen for a long time b/c "she never wanted to".


M:35 W 31
D's:6, 4 & 2
T:9 M:7
ILYBNILWY- Mar/14
DP Served Dec.17/14

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I loved the quote that you shared. How fitting.

This year is a great time to start new traditions and see family members. lean into the unknown. Embrace it (I know one wants to embrace D).

Have a good holiday, and then be prepared to fight for what you want.


M:32,H 32
T:10, M5
BD/H Move Out: 9/2014 - extreme anger
H Mental Illness Diagnosis: 4/15
Served D Papers: 10/15
Divorced: 11/15
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Loved the quote! Thanks for sharing.


M:35 H:36
Married: 14yrs
Kids: D7, S4, D1.5
BD: 4/14
Mentioned Divorce: 5/14
Moved out 6/14
OW confirmed: 9/14
Wants to move forward with D 11/14
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Zed, just stopped by to read your sitch. Great quote and good for you making plans. Have a good holiday.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Zed, sounds like you got your SH*T together.... Way to go!!!! Its all about the kiddos. I pray that God gives me the strength you have in just your pinky finger...LOL

Have an awesome and bless Christmas with your kids.


Together 06-04
Married 10-05
She Left 10-11-14
I filed 10-22-14

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Ile Guy. Thanks. But I still don't believe I got my sht together. Just having a couple better days. Wake up. Try to pump myself up and say I am a good person etc. Every time start thinking of wife. Make a conscious effort to try to think of something else.

And trying the best to FAKE IT TILL I MAKE IT. I had this happen before though when I felt good for a couple days then something happens and everything comes crashing down.

Thanks everyone for stopping in. For some reason it really helps with PMA.


M:35 W 31
D's:6, 4 & 2
T:9 M:7
ILYBNILWY- Mar/14
DP Served Dec.17/14

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