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A Message from Michele
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Re: Wife walked away (7 months ago now) thread 4 [Re: BigMac] #2535057
02/06/15 05:16 PM
02/06/15 05:16 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 271
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BigMac Offline OP
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BigMac  Offline OP
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Update

In four hours my STBX should be at her lawyers office to sign paperwork. It's been a wild ride...


Me: 35
Her: 33
D : 16
S : 9
Together: 14 years
Married: 12
She left 4/14/2014
Separated: 5/25/2014
OM Confirmed 7/2014
She filed 8/7/2014
I Filed 10/21/2014
Divorce final 2/12/2015
Re: Wife walked away (7 months ago now) thread 4 [Re: BigMac] #2535163
02/06/15 08:35 PM
02/06/15 08:35 PM
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Posts: 2,685
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SunnyB Offline
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BigMac, I'm sorry the way this has all turned out for you, especially for your kids. But you are right to cut yourself free, you don't need the drama. Maybe someday your XW will pull herself out of the crazies. Maybe not. Wishing you all the best.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: Wife walked away (7 months ago now) thread 4 [Re: SunnyB] #2535166
02/06/15 08:42 PM
02/06/15 08:42 PM
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Mozza Offline
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BigMac - Thanks for the updates. You seem strong, thankfully in such turbulent times. I'm sure there's much brewing below the surface. We're supporting you.


M39 D6 D3 (at S)
S 2014-09
D 2016-09

"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Re: Wife walked away (7 months ago now) thread 4 [Re: Mozza] #2535307
02/07/15 02:35 AM
02/07/15 02:35 AM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 271
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BigMac Offline OP
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Thanks guys,

Got the call from STBX at 4 or so today. She had a couple questions about the paperwork, should be a quick edit and review. And since I will be out of town, she will get the court date to answer the 5 questions in court..... get this.....

On our 12 anniversary...

I wish I could make this stuff up.


Me: 35
Her: 33
D : 16
S : 9
Together: 14 years
Married: 12
She left 4/14/2014
Separated: 5/25/2014
OM Confirmed 7/2014
She filed 8/7/2014
I Filed 10/21/2014
Divorce final 2/12/2015
Re: Wife walked away (7 months ago now) thread 4 [Re: BigMac] #2541597
02/23/15 11:29 PM
02/23/15 11:29 PM
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Posts: 271
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BigMac Offline OP
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I'm divorced. It happened on our 12 anniversary. Now that is over, life goes on.

Thanks for all the support everyone.


Me: 35
Her: 33
D : 16
S : 9
Together: 14 years
Married: 12
She left 4/14/2014
Separated: 5/25/2014
OM Confirmed 7/2014
She filed 8/7/2014
I Filed 10/21/2014
Divorce final 2/12/2015
Re: Wife walked away (7 months ago now) thread 4 [Re: BigMac] #2541598
02/23/15 11:30 PM
02/23/15 11:30 PM
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Posts: 1,532
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Mozza Offline
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Mozza  Offline
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Aouch, I'm really sorry for the timing...

How do you feel about it? Are you okay? What's the plan for you now?


M39 D6 D3 (at S)
S 2014-09
D 2016-09

"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Re: Wife walked away (7 months ago now) thread 4 [Re: Mozza] #2541608
02/23/15 11:38 PM
02/23/15 11:38 PM
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Posts: 271
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BigMac Offline OP
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So, she did bring up the possibility of reconciling at he last min. I told her that it was best we got divorced.

I made the decision that was best for me in the long run. I'll always have love for her, but I am long over pining over her.

The last week has been a bit weird, I spent the weekend on the couch, just relaxing. I guess I may be slightly depressed, or maybe just moving on..... I'm not really sure.

But now I'm just marching forward picking up the pieces of my life. Continuing to rebuild myself, my son, and my life.


Me: 35
Her: 33
D : 16
S : 9
Together: 14 years
Married: 12
She left 4/14/2014
Separated: 5/25/2014
OM Confirmed 7/2014
She filed 8/7/2014
I Filed 10/21/2014
Divorce final 2/12/2015
Re: Wife walked away (7 months ago now) thread 4 [Re: BigMac] #2541632
02/24/15 12:35 AM
02/24/15 12:35 AM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
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SunnyB Offline
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Posts: 2,685
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Good luck going forward. Sounds like you have a level head about this. You'll have down days, but you know you did the right thing. Hang in there and keep us posted.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: Wife walked away (7 months ago now) thread 4 [Re: BigMac] #2541642
02/24/15 01:28 AM
02/24/15 01:28 AM
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Posts: 1,532
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Mozza Offline
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Posts: 1,532
Originally Posted By: BigMac
So, she did bring up the possibility of reconciling at he last min. I told her that it was best we got divorced. I made the decision that was best for me in the long run. I'll always have love for her, but I am long over pining over her.

That's a biggie. If you don't mind, I'll put you under my list of success stories in the section "Let go". I think it's admirable that you've been given the options and have made a choice that you feel is best for you. I think this is what all of us aim at in the end, once we're put in the position of the LBS.

Would you care to expand a little on how your WAW brought up the possibility of R at the last minute? At what moment was it exactly? How did she bring it up? Was it clear or was it implied? Was it a surprise for you and was it hard to give her an answer? In fact, what made you decide to decline her offer?

DBing is also about saving ourselves and I find it very interesting when people move into the space where they rebuild their life, in piecing or not, so I hope you'll come back here every now and then, perhaps monthly, to give us some sort of update. A lot of newcomers would benefit from it, to see another option that opens to them.


M39 D6 D3 (at S)
S 2014-09
D 2016-09

"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Re: Wife walked away (7 months ago now) thread 4 [Re: Mozza] #2543944
03/03/15 04:01 AM
03/03/15 04:01 AM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 271
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BigMac Offline OP
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I don't mind at all Moza.

She kept hinting around it over the last 2 months of the process. And then about 30 minutes before she had to go to the courthouse she brought up the fact that she had been thinking about reconciliation over the past couple months.

I nipped it in the but and told her that it was best that we are divorced.

I declined my offer based on realizing that she has lots of issues to deal with (just like I have). I've been working on those issues for this past year. I've made myself into a better me, and continue to do so every day.

She is the same train wreck that she was when she split... She hasn't changed, nor do I expect her to change. She is playing the same mind games with her current boyfriend that she did with me.

A couple months ago.. maybe early October I remember being on a coaching call. I was describing all the evil stuff my Ex has done, and was continuing to do. The coach asked me a simple quesiton - Why would you want to stay with a person who treats you like this?

I couldn't answer that question simple question logically.

I was hanging onto the dream I had as a kid. The one of having a nuclear family. The false view of my partner in life being as dedicated to me as I was to her.

I let the dream be just that. And started the long hard process of moving on with my life. I'm still in process, but doing ok at it.

I declined her offer because I realized that I am on the only one necessary to be happy in life. That I didn't want a life of being dragged into her craziness. I have to move on.

I'll be back her dropping a note every once in a while to keep you guys (and girls) apprised to how things are going.


Me: 35
Her: 33
D : 16
S : 9
Together: 14 years
Married: 12
She left 4/14/2014
Separated: 5/25/2014
OM Confirmed 7/2014
She filed 8/7/2014
I Filed 10/21/2014
Divorce final 2/12/2015
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