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A Message from Michele
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Re: Starting the next chapter [Re: bdub] #2526083
01/12/15 04:32 PM
01/12/15 04:32 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 585
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bdub Offline OP
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bdub  Offline OP
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Posts: 585
Did you see our discussion of men in the kitchen from Maybell's thread the other day? You are on the right track here.

No but i will go find it. I did have a good laugh at the thread about the laundry though. I think that was raliced , maybe?


M42 W40
T17
M15
S13 S11
BD 7-14
A discovered 7-14
WAW moved out 10-3-14
D final 2-23-15
Re: Starting the next chapter [Re: bdub] #2526111
01/12/15 05:51 PM
01/12/15 05:51 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
UK
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edz Offline
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edz  Offline
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Posts: 1,942
UK
Men in the kitchen?
laundry?

...shifty eyes look from side to side....

annnndd what about us wink

...just don't mention ironing, don't do ironing unless absolutely necessary!

smile


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Re: Starting the next chapter [Re: edz] #2526162
01/12/15 08:08 PM
01/12/15 08:08 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 585
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bdub Offline OP
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bdub  Offline OP
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Ironing at my house = damp cloth in the dryer with wrinkled clothes for 10 minutes. Problem solved.


M42 W40
T17
M15
S13 S11
BD 7-14
A discovered 7-14
WAW moved out 10-3-14
D final 2-23-15
Re: Starting the next chapter [Re: SunnyB] #2526165
01/12/15 08:09 PM
01/12/15 08:09 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,852
UK
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Vanilla Offline
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Vanilla  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,852
UK
Originally Posted By: rppfl
Originally Posted By: bdub
Contact, but no drama. Vanilla would give me points for that, right?


Vanilla is pretty generous with her points, I'm sure you get something for that.


Oh, at least 1 pt per day, no more, can not have a drama free life. WAS have not given their permission! Detach....

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Re: Starting the next chapter [Re: Vanilla] #2526179
01/12/15 08:33 PM
01/12/15 08:33 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 585
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bdub Offline OP
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bdub  Offline OP
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Posts: 585
Laughing at V!!

I get bonus points. TM with WAW about dissolution and she asked a complex question that needed answered ASAP. So I called her.
She unloaded on me. Spew flying everywhere. I deflected, validated, STFU, did 180s, GAL, and every other DB technique in the book. She screamed at me for not trusting her and not taking her word for what the clause meant. In the end she gave her attorney permission to talk to me. He called and the clause I was questioning was in fact going to effect my visitation time.
Turns out she was wrong, and the clause got changed.

We now have a dissolution we both agree too and she MAY be coming to my office to sign the papers. It's been a long twisting tangled road and I am ready to close the book on this chapter of our lives. After we sign there will be no more negotiating. Negotiations have been well over half of our contact the past few months.
Other than her cramming OM down the boys throats, it has been the biggest source of tension and anxiety in my life.


M42 W40
T17
M15
S13 S11
BD 7-14
A discovered 7-14
WAW moved out 10-3-14
D final 2-23-15
Re: Starting the next chapter [Re: bdub] #2526190
01/12/15 09:11 PM
01/12/15 09:11 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 708
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Ahoy Offline
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Posts: 708
bdub, (responding to your previous post), the dissolution process makes me nervous, since I too want to move it forward as quickly as possible. I'm also worried about having to convert to a divorce if we can't get on the same page. And a divorce would drag the process out longer, and cost more, and potentially interfere with my plans to move back to my home state. My H is really cheap so I think he will want to avoid the divorce option, but I'm still worried. I have a meeting scheduled for tomorrow with my L to work out a proposal. At this point my feeling is that whatever it costs to extract myself from this crazy man will be worth it...


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
Re: Starting the next chapter [Re: Ahoy] #2526239
01/12/15 11:13 PM
01/12/15 11:13 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 271
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BigMac Offline
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BigMac  Offline
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Posts: 271
Bdub, good luck with the dissolution. And hope that calmer heads prevail. You are doing the right thing by just negotiating out side of court. It may feel like crazy stress, but compared to the normal process you are getting a reprieve.


Me: 35
Her: 33
D : 16
S : 9
Together: 14 years
Married: 12
She left 4/14/2014
Separated: 5/25/2014
OM Confirmed 7/2014
She filed 8/7/2014
I Filed 10/21/2014
Divorce final 2/12/2015
Re: Starting the next chapter [Re: BigMac] #2526488
01/13/15 02:40 PM
01/13/15 02:40 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Sonoran Desert
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labug Offline
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Hang in there, you're doing great.

This too, shall pass.

(and we are the Champions!)


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Re: Starting the next chapter [Re: BigMac] #2526515
01/13/15 03:11 PM
01/13/15 03:11 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 585
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bdub Offline OP
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bdub  Offline OP
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Posts: 585
Ahoy,

The combative nature of divorce drives me crazy. Negotiating was very difficult. There was no good faith or trust. Once I found out about OM and all the lies it became very hard to believe anything she said. She changed the agreement 4 times. In the end, I listed out my priorities and stood firm on my top few and let a few of the others slide.

Looking back at the last few months she has lied about everything from OM to income to stuff about boys to dissolution stuff. She has lied to me, the boys, my parents, her parents, her friends, my friends and even her attorney.

I guess what I am trying to say ahoy is that I too want to get this done as soon as possible.


M42 W40
T17
M15
S13 S11
BD 7-14
A discovered 7-14
WAW moved out 10-3-14
D final 2-23-15
Re: Starting the next chapter [Re: bdub] #2526519
01/13/15 03:20 PM
01/13/15 03:20 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 585
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bdub Offline OP
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bdub  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 585
Ahoy, one thing that I did learn was to negotiate is short infrequent sessions. WAW is pretty quick to anger and then her anger throws me off track. The successful sessions ended before I lit her fuse.


M42 W40
T17
M15
S13 S11
BD 7-14
A discovered 7-14
WAW moved out 10-3-14
D final 2-23-15
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