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I have to say Job's explanation fits my husband to a T. He was not abused as a child but kind of forgotten. His two older sibs were given a lot more affection and his parents just seemed more interested in them. I did not know this when we married but through the years I have witnessed it time and time again.

In fact the one real regret I have in all this was that I forced him to call Mom and Dad every two weeks for 20 years. I married young and thought this was our obligation. It was always a source of tension but I was determined we would be respectful and call all the parents. Well around four years ago I finally said this is your job and I will quit forcing you to check on your folks. It all started to implode after that. Slowly at first, but looking back it was the first of many triggers. In hindsight I wish I had never forced his relationship with his parents. I will always wonder if he had the opportunity to work through this at 39 years old would we be here now?

Sorry for the hijack but MLC is a real thing. I guess like drug abuse - many of use have a predisposition for addiction but, given the right context, it can happen to anyone.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Merry Christmas, GB!

So glad that things went well with your kids for Christmas. I love what you posted about Christmas morning on my thread. It made me think about Christmas's when my kids were little. That was so fun and so special.

But I want to see GB loving GB. My heart goes out to you, thinking about another r and things like that. I was in a very similar position not to long ago. (Now I don't know what the heck to think!)

It is unnerving. Scary. I hope you are able to find a place where you are truly comfortable in your skin. I know how hard that it. For me, I think I was until I found out I was left for a 20-something. I wonder if you get that too? It is so difficult. Sometimes are better than others, sometimes worse, right?

GB, I know you are an amazing woman. I know you have style and class. C'mon, give that bod some credit! 5 miles on Christmas is impressive! (and in a stylish hat to boot!)

You are so smart and funny, GB. You have fun with your kids, and the stuff that your x is doing is unreal. Yet you carry on- strong, sexy, funny, humble... GB- don't question it, don't doubt it- you are amazing.

Any guy would be lucky. And job is right on, the right person will be put in your path at the right time.

Just a little anecdote about that. My xh is not very religious- just a concept he struggles with. Anyway, I told him the other day that there have been times throughout this that I know people have been put in my path at certain times and things have happened at certain times because they were supposed to and I was sure it was Devine intervention. He actually agreed with me. He did elaborate, but seemed to get the same sense.

OK, so I just have faith that job is right on with this.

Keep your head up, GB. You hot, sassy chick, you.

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Never apologize for a hijack on my thread, Gwen! You are welcome to share your feelings anytime.

Job-you are correct (what's new??:). I need to breathe. You are such a blessing to so many. I absolutely hate the crazy feeling. It makes me feel (here comes a shocker) completely out of control and I know I can only control me. All 3 kids left this am with their dad and I started to spin and feel super crazy. This is why GAL is so important. I need to work on this even more to combat the crazy train feelings. And sometimes I wonder if I need meds? Although I've never taken well to any kind of medication. Still, it's something to consider.

RockJC-thanks for stopping by. You are 100% correct in that I am (I hate this word)"desperate" for validation. I don't think I'm lonely ( I do want more adult interaction) although I do have this insatiable desire to be wanted. Probably a bit more extreme than others who share that feeling. And I do understand we all want to be wanted, mine is, admittedly, extreme. It just is. Ugh. Gotta work on that.

Wonka-I just love you. You are always welcome to stop by. Next time bring Tom Brady, if you don't mind. Your insight and thoughts are always appreciated. As crazy as MLC is, I do think there are parts that are incredibly easy to understand. Even if they seem like gobbly gunk.

Mighty-you made me shed a tear. You got me. Really. Thanks for your post. I do need to love me. I do and I don't know why I fight it so much. Being left for a 20 something doesn't bother me-not the age piece. I know much of society tells me it should, and well, it doesn't. I swear I don't say this to be unkind, OW is just not terribly attractive. She's in school (I'm certainly not envious of that-been there, done that!:) and she got a man with a myriad of issues. And that's their deal. Being left was a hellacious blow to my ego because I never, ever in a billion years thought he would do that. Shame on me for being so arrogant. I do know I have many good qualities. I just feel so weird sometimes that I just feel like I can't deal with anyone. Even if I do want them. Ack!!!

I do agree that people are put in your path for "reasons." I don't consider myself religious-rather spiritual. I agree that sometimes it is difficult to understand the "why" of them being put in your path, until a) later and or b) until we are able to clear away the junk that frequently clouds our thinking.

Thanks to all of you. I do appreciate it....Trying to slow down the crazy train thinking...



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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GB

I think what you are feeling is totally normal .. or maybe I can just relate all to well. The ego takes a huge hit with all this and yeah ... just to be wanted at this point would be enough .. I have had little episodes here and there over the past year .. but I shove them out because... who knows .. maybe it fills my tank for a bit and thats all I want selfishly .. or maybe I am terrified of a real life adult R ... plus I am still hoping to save the M ... a collection of all 3 .. who knows. Till I figure it out .. call me Mr Clean on the caboose of your crazy train.


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Georgia,
I'm not always right, but I've been around this board soon to be 15 years and on other boards as well and we all tend to share the same opinions about MLC. There are numerous books out there that talk about the stunted childhood and how this comes back to haunt many people, not just married people, but people from all walks of life. Depression is about the past and anxiety is about the future.

MLC is not a recognized illness, but it's talk about in the medical society quite a bit, just as the lawyers talk about it. The joke use to be the red sports car, the young girl or boy toy on the arm and lots of flashy jewelry and muscle shirts on the prowl. That's not the half of what is really going on w/them, it's an emotional and spiritual journey and one that is so painful for them to deal with. Sure, we see no bruises or cuts or they don't state how bad they feel, but they are truly some hurting, miserable folks out there. We do not ever want to wish this type of pain on anyone.

Georgia, what you are experiencing right now is very typical for someone who has had a spouse walk away. We ask ourselves, is it our looks, our personality, we did or didn't do enough to keep them happy, what did I do wrong? Bottom line, you loved a person who was truly broken inside and who didn't know how to deal w/it, hence he dealt w/it by being silent until something triggered his inner self to start to bubble.

From what I have read in your postings, you are a wonderful, sensitive person who would do anything for anyone within reason. Any man that would pass up a person like you is an utter fool. Please do not sell yourself short. Once you get over the holiday season, I think you'll feel better about things, especially yourself. You've got a lot to offer someone and when the time is right, he will be put in your path, whether it is your h or someone new, they will recognize you for the wonderful person you are.

Feel the crazies and then let those feelings go. You've got a lot of living to do and you will do it in a wonderful way.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Excellent post, job.

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Cali, Job and Mighty, thanks for stopping by. Job, I appreciate your very thoughtful post. As I've documented, I struggle with "just being" and this has been tough for me this holiday season. That crazy control thing creeps up and I must learn to feel it and let go. What a struggle that is for me! I'm trying smile

So, I did want to share something I realized. Kids have been away since yesterday am. Prior to marriage, I struggled being "alone" (even though I frequently felt "alone"). I thought if it was Friday or Saturday night and I had no plans or no guy, then I must be advertising loser. While, it is difficult for me to be away from the kids, I ran 5 miles today, slept in, went to M@cys (which I never do), read, and took down Xmas decorations. To show everyone how not used to being around the kids I am, I briefly got excited when I saw they were reshowing the season premiere of Curious George. I thought I would watch tv, but short of sports, I haven't watched tv in years so I have no idea what I would watch. Donated stuff to Goodwill this am. Will clean again tomorrow. And you know what? I'm okay. I'm not a loser.

I was invited to a party tonight by my extremely bohemian friends (as in they haven't showered since 2007-I kid:). I was going but honestly, I decided not to as well, I didn't feel particularly social and it was an hours drive away. My bf just called and I'm meeting her tomorrow. She made a comment that I thought earlier today. She said, "GB, next time let's steer clear of the overly emotional guys. It's okay if they cry when someone dies or the dog dies, but you go for the extreme one." And is she ever right. I always go for the super sensitive dudes.

I'm back on my self imposed staying away from males who aren't in the friend zone. Not because I don't love non friend males (gosh, I do love cute, funny guys), rather I need to get to a better place before I try that road again. It's not fair to anyone. One day, I'll be ready. And thanks, Job. I honestly do think I'm a catch. I've got stuff to work on (still) although overall I really do have my caca together.

I do need to get through the holidays. Sending everyone positive energy!



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BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
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//I need to get to a better place before I try that road again.//

That sounds like a very wise decision.


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Not sure why this makes me feel all feisty (it's not my sandbox) but xh parents' gave him a substantial sum of $ for Xmas and he didn't even text them a "thanks." Maybe it's because I see his parents hurt. Ugh. Just rude of him. Oh well.

D9 is coming home tomorrow. I've been child free for 5 days. Cleaned house, took decorations down, ran 5 miles each day (except for the kickboxing day), slept, washed dog, hung out with friends and generally rebooted. D9 and I are going to a barn party at the stables tomorrow morning and then to spend the night at my best friends house.

2014 was quite a year. I still have work to do and I rather like some of my changes if I say so myself. I haven't a clue what 2015 holds and I hope for the best. It will be whatever it's supposed to be. Wishing everyone peace, laughter, health, love and prosperity in 2015.


Last edited by Georgiabelle; 12/31/14 04:04 AM.


3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Posts: 28,295
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There is no excuse for being rude and ungrateful when it comes to someone giving a substantial amount of money to someone. I do understand how you feel about that. What does it take to say "thanks"? His parents are going to see just how he is in crisis and they may very well be surprised as more of his actions and behavior as he travels the Yellow Brick Road.

Sounds like you have been a very busy lady while D9 has been away. I'm glad to see that you and D9 have some plans for New Years Eve and Day. Enjoy the time w/your friends and may the new year ring in some good times for you.

Happy New Year!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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