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I'm sorry to hear that you d is having a hard time. I'm sure it must be very hard on you. I always try to remind myself how much I have to be grateful for during hard times.

You are blessed that you have the support of your in laws & your mom and a therapist to help you work with your d.

Dating is such a personal decision don't let others pressure you into it. If it's fun for you then do it - if it becomes a part time job then skip it.

Enjoy the season with the kids. They only get a few of these magical christmas


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M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13

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Thanks BK. You are right in that I am so lucky to have the support of my x ILs. They love their son and I know they recognize I'm pulling the load with raising the grandchildren. I know many are not as fortunate. The kids are wonderful to watch this time of year, right? I love their innocence and you are spot on that it IS magical:-)

I see lots of holiday card issues on threads. Well, if it gives anyone solace, I've sent holiday cards exactly 1 time in 12 years. And I was a slacker and didn't get them out until January:-). I got many cards from xh's family addressed to Ms. GB and kids and I have them on the fridge. I admit I felt a tinge of envy(?) when I see some of those intact, happy families. And then I realize, one day (and I haven't a clue when) maybe I will have a nice, healthy R with someone and my kids like that guy too. Maybe? Too much to ask? Eh. Aim high. Shoot for the stars.

For everyone struggling, it will get better. Enjoy this time with family, friends or even coworkers.

Last edited by Georgiabelle; 12/23/14 03:16 AM.


3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Uh oh. I sort of feel the crazy creeping up. I feel fat and wonder if anyone will want me. I hate this feeling. X ILs told me tonight they hope I find someone good. Fuels the crazy feeling. Ugh! This means I would have to open up to someone. That idea fuels the crazy. Deep breaths.



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BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
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D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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When the time is right, the man upstairs will put that special someone in your path. If he's the right one, it will not matter whether you are fat, thin, short or tall. The appearance shouldn't count...it's what is inside. You are a very special person and he will be proud and honored to call you his special lady.

Now, off you go...enjoy your holiday!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thanks Job. You are right as always. You are like the magic 8 ball:)

Went for a long run in the rain this am while wearing a koala bear hat (it was my D9's). If I'm going to eat hummingbird cake, then I have to do a bit more running.

Opened gifts at X ILs this am. My d9 made me a huge frame with pics of me and her brothers and "Mom" in glitter and sequins. D9 is into bling:). I wasn't expecting that as my gift and it made me tear up. Yes. I'm so grateful to be the mother of these 3 peeps. I can't imagine being x Mr GB and being okay missing out on all that he does. That's his choice though. And my choice is to live, laugh and enjoy life. Even when the crazy bubbles up.

Sending everyone some holiday magic!!!!:)



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Oh good lord! That crazy feeling is bubbling under the surface. I HATE this feeling and am desperately trying to shove it away. Good day with my peeps and s4 is napping. Big kids fishing with their grandad and I am grappling with the "will I ever be able to handle a R feeling?" Along with the "am I that bad and unloveable?" To the "why do I feel like I must push people away?"

I feel like everything I do is wrong. Acccckkkkkk! Deep breaths.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Breathe! We all have been there and felt the same. You've had a good day w/the kids and your little one is napping. You are w/family and that's all that matters right now.

You need to stop the stinking thinking about you are "that bad and unloveable". You have to remember...it's him, not you and you can't take anything he says or does personally. He could have been married to a movie star who was perfect in every way and he would still have flipped his lid. He was predisposed to MLC and there was nothing you could do about it. It's not you...it's him!

Give yourself some breathing room to heal. You are still very fragile and raw from this experience and you may very well distance yourself from others, but that will change as you heal. Stop beating yourself up!

Enjoy the day and embrace the love, fun and happiness that are around you.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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It sounds like you are extremely lonely and want validation. I completely understand, I have been there. But, is it really a good idea to start dating while you are this emotionally vulnerable?

My 2-cents, for what it is worth, is that you should wait until you are more comfortable being single before dating. In this emotional state, you are really setup for being used, or for falling for the wrong person.

Merry Christmas and best wishes for whatever path you choose.


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Job,

I'm enjoying my delicious egg nog...how about you? smile

Originally Posted By: job
He could have been married to a movie star who was perfect in every way and he would still have flipped his lid. He was predisposed to MLC and there was nothing you could do about it. It's not you...it's him!


^^^that struck a chord in me which made me ruminate a bit.

Are certain people "predisposed" to MLC?

Why do some fall prey to MLC and others don't?

I still struggle with this abstract problem to this day. In fact, I went out for a long walk earlier this afternoon under a clear, sunny sky railing against God why I got hit with MLC and dropping the bomb on Ms. Wonka's birthday. Why?! Why?! I have to say that my thoughts went back in time about our old M because we did exchange Xmas greetings this morning.

We're here because of the Law of Cause and Effect. Thank you very f@cking much, Lady Karma.

What bothers me the most is how on the Earth did this invisible virus get its tendrils into me without my full awareness?? Because I'm "predisposed" to it?? For some reason, it doesn't gel with me.

Heck, why didn't Sammy Davis get MLC too?? If one looks at his history and background, he would have been an ideal candidate for MLC.

Job, you could be as "predisposed" to MLC as I was. Who's to say this is not the case?

I guess we could argue and debate this point for eons without any clear empirical answers like why the Sun is the center of our Universe.

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We all could have MLCs, but many of us were able to navigate the growing up process successfully. The ones that actually have the full blown MLCs are the ones that were stunted emotionally as children. It doesn't necessarily mean that they were physically abused, but they weren't always recognized for their accomplishments and/or for just being that cute little boy or girl in the family who wanted to be treated as a family member who had something to contribute.

We each go through spurts of physical and emotional growth, i.e, teen years, 20, 30, 40, etc. However, if we don't complete that growing up period correctly/completely, then it will continue on and then when something happens later in life, such as a death, birth of a child, promotion, loss of a job, poor health, etc., then all of that "stuff" bubbles over and they truly do not know how to handle it. Mortality scares the heck out of them and they implode. Yes, we all could be predisposed to MLC...but look who's navigated life's spurts well...the ones that are here and holding the fort down. We are the ones that have had to carry the load since they imploded.

I also want to point out that there a "few" people who were very normal when their spouses acted out in MLC who, in turn, went into their own after their spouse returned to earth. I've only read of one case that happened on here, but that was a long time ago.

Who is to say that Sammy Davis didn't have a MLC too? MLC has been around a very long time. The reason that we are noticing it more and more is because people are living longer and yes, people are sitting up and taking notice of it. Back many years ago, this type of behavior wasn't discussed and shoved in the back closet. Today, we talk about it and share info on the subject.

As I continue to point out to posters, it's his journey to make and find himself. There is absolutely nothing you could have done to stop his journey. It's not about you...but all about him. You didn't do one thing to send him packing on his trip, i.e., his past is calling him and he must go back to that time, finish up the growing up process in order to return to the present as a mature man. Again, it's not you, but him.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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