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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2497763&page=1

Last thread and now time for a newbie. I feel......honestly, in many ways I feel the lowest I've ever felt. Other days, I cannot stop laughing and feel giddy. Seriously. I know this will pass and hopefully my feelings /moods will stabilize a bit.

The incessant fighting amongst the kids is difficult. They are insecure and struggling. I feel like I've hit a bit of a wall with that. I hate to see them hurt although I just really feel like I'm at a loss some days.

Me? Please know I don't say this from a defeatist attitude-these are simply my feelings now. I cannot in one billion years imagine dating or getting into a relationship. I miss having someone to share funny stuff with. I miss someone telling me how cute I am
(However-I would push then away anyway because I can't bear to hear that right now)and I have such mixed feelings about physical touch. Some days I just want to go have $ex with a faceless stranger as long as they promise not to talk to me after the fact. Isn't that horrible? I still have this insatiable desire to be in control and desired and I'm correlating it to sex. However, I've only been with a few people in my life but for some reason, that is what I crave. With no emotional attachment. Makes me sound classy, right? I have never felt this way before and don't even know how to articulate it.

The new hair is dark brown (I'm naturally dirty blonde) and it kind of suits my mood right now. Dark. This too shall pass.

Hope everyone had a great weekend.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Gb,

It's tough, I remember coming here in the early days and reding your stuff, and so much is similar.

Don't be tough on you it's been a long road.
I want to date, I do not want mr I'm a crazee freak to control me or my life. He said I will always be alone, I'm so revolting.

I will not allow him to prophesies like that in my life. You can do it too, your further down this road than me.

Just meet people. Get out there amongst it, take the dog walking, take the kids walking anything.

Mind you s16 is home today sick again, hungover more like! Meh...
I've got plans that may or may not work out for the next few weeks.


M 46 h54
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T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
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GGrass,

Thank you for your kind thoughts. Hope s16 is feeling better.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Tough luck if s16 ain't, he isn't allowed to drink till 18 anyhow. If you don't drink you will always be healthy.

I don't do sympathy on hangovers. Mind you I don't do moping with one either, when it's me.

It's ok to ave feelings and down days, really it's human. So welcome to the human club.
It's not like my life's perfect either.

Last edited by Ggrass; 11/24/14 12:42 AM.

M 46 h54
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T 11y
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Quote:
I cannot in one billion years imagine dating or getting into a relationship. I miss having someone to share funny stuff with. I miss someone telling me how cute I am


Although you are ahead of me....I relate to this so much.

I'm lonesome, especially when running errands, winding down in the evening. I miss having my h to talk to and snuggle with.

And I have zero desire to seek something new.

And yeah... No one telling me I'm cute. I'm sure you are rocking your new sassy-darkness, though!!

((((((Hugs)))))))

What did you end up deciding about the job options? I'm sorry if I either missed it or simply can't remember..... I'm not as sharp as usual. crazy

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GB, we have similar brain waves. You said it very well. I'm sorry you are struggling with this. It can be so difficult at times. And the good ones are so enjoyable, the with the snap of a finger, you're snapped back into reality.

But, I guess we have to remember that we really appreciate the good ones more now, find more meaning in things- or life in general. And count our blessings. I know for me, on blessing I have is that I just don't have time for nonsense (out side of dealing with my crazy life- I try to minimize it!- The irony of my post tonight, I guess).

But, I'm sure you find that you are able to cut out, remove, dismiss any external nonsense that starts to enter you space.

It's gotta get better, GB. They say it does, and I am looking forward to it.

I think if you think about it, it seems like it will take to long, but when we stop and look back at our journey, we can see how far we've come. That's amazing! And hopefully give you another burst of energy to keep on moving.

Head up!

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Oh, and g... I feel ya.

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Dealing with the kids non stop is too much to bear. I can't even imagine having 3.

Go easy on yourself. You are only 1 person. Kids are gonna fight and be bratty and are gonna make you nuts. That would be the same if you and your stbx were still together.

I too want a no strings attached relationship. I'm too scared to share for real with anyone.

You are not alone.

We think your great:)


----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13

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Gb, when I think things are good with me child is painful. Like today, I just wanted to throttle him. He keeps knifing the house. Benches doors!


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,523
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GB ... yup ... you are not crazy .. well ... maybe you are and you just have surrounded yourself with like minded crazy, there feel better?? laugh

I get the urges, I think we all have them regardless if we have the stones like you to admit them here. I think its that hole we have, its not patched up and won't be for some time so we feel like filling that need, rebuilding the ego ... as you said . you want to be in control and feel desired, with what you have gone through, what we all are going through ... seems to make sense.... we all have had our worlds turned upside down and its about getting the pieces back together and for Heavens sake feeling normal again... totally get that. Sometimes I too think .. maybe no strings sex will just allow me a break, for me I know it will just make things worse ... well that and why spoil the fantasy by actually doing it .. lol
And yeah .. there are cycles of moods, I go through them too .. I notice in my dress, the dark days its the jeans, black shirt .. my black boots and I ride the Harley .... Light days I dress up, nice shoes, pressed shirt and rock my hair like a Rooster looking for a new hen house.
But yeah .. the lack of having one to share the small things with, the things only intimate partners relate to, that's the killer .. I am struggling with it ... but we move on .. that's what survivors do .. we share here with people who get it, it does not cure it all .. but it helps.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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