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DMU Offline OP
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Hi all. Here's my story so far...
My wife and I have been together for 13 years and married the last 8 of them. We were best friends, soul mates & perfect for each other. We have two beautiful children that came along 7 and 5 years ago. Looking back things started to go gradually down hill after our son was born. My wife has suffered from post natal depression with both of them and her aftercare with the children wasn't great! We've been through a lot together including when my father passed away last year.

Looking back we lost our connection and drifted apart! It came to a head on 4th October when I discovered she was having an affair! It was absolutely heart breaking! I did all the wrong things in that I went into panic mode and told far too many people before I'd spoken to her! She was going to stay with a friend but for some reason I can't explain I didn't think she was going there. I text her friend whom I know and she did confirm she was expecting her but much later than I thought! I then went onto my wife's facebook profile and saw she'd sent a picture of herself in the outfit she was wearing to some bloke I'd never met.

The penny dropped! I suspected it was a taxi driver her and her friend had been using and I was right. I tried getting in touch with my wife but she didn't answer. I then spoke to her best friend who told me everything! My whole world collapsed!

She came home the next day and we had a massive row! I forcibly took the house and car keys from her and kicked her out! My poor 7 year old daughter heard everything! 2 days later we met up and decided to work things out. 2 days after that she came home. It was weird at first but she showed genuine remorse and seemed keen for us to work it out. That week was great but then she changed and became withdrawn. Wanting more and more space. She had nowhere to go so like a fool I decided to stay with my mum for a couple of weeks. The first week I was there we got on ok and then out the blue the second week she told me she didn't want me any more and wanted to be alone.

I told her I was coming home as it's my house and I'm missing my kids. I came home and it was so awkward between us. She was out all the time leaving me with the kids.

Then last Friday (14/11) she was out with her best friend and was staying there the night. I text her best friend who told me she wasn't staying there! So She'd basically went into withdrawal and went straight back to him. I faced her again and told her I knew she'd started it again but I was a lot calmer this time and offered to help her. She didn't say much. The next day I spent two hours going over the same things telling her it was wrong, she didn't know him and what about our kids.

On the Monday she asked for the car and I refused saying I can't trust her. She wasn't happy. And I told her I want an answer by this Friday 21st on whether she wants to be with him and go, or work things out and stay!

I found out that it's WAY more serious than I thought! They actually look as though they're really in love! But I also know she's torn between us! Although she wants to stay she hasn't ended things with him which is tearing me up so much! She keeps apologizing for hurting me and I believe her and know she doesn't mean to but whilst he's still on the scene all I can do is hurt! I've no illusions that if she does finish things with him that she'll come running back to me! I know she'll be grieving for what they had and will take it out on me! But am I being silly still having hope that one day in the future we could make a go of things?

I've read a lot of material and am being upbeat, cheerful and looking after myself (the stress alone has made me lose 1.5 stone so far!). I just feel in limbo and at a loose end! She doesn't want to leave the family home and her children, but she doesn't want to stop seeing him! I told her it's unfair and cruel to do that whilst living under the same roof as me! I just don't know what to do now!


"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem & smarter than you think."
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I am sorry for your situation. It appears that you feel there is still hope for your marriage. That attitude is exactly what saves marrriages. I urge you to speak to a Divorce Busting Coach immediately. You will learn what you need to say and do in order to get your marriage back on track. Please call me to discuss our coaching program. 303-444-7004.


Roberta, Resource Coordinator
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Roberta@divorcebusting.com
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RAI Offline
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Hi DMU,

Our situations are so very similar. Almost identical in many details, in fact. You can check out my thread and you will see. I hope it helps to know that you are not alone.

Usually, first-time posters get an informal introductory reply from a user named Cadet (Thanks for doing this Cadet!!!) with some very helpful advice. I hope, by my replying to you that your thread will gain some traction and attention from other users.

In the meantime, you should know that have one HUGE advantage right now: TIME. Currently, your W is not threatening divorce and you have plenty of time to plot a strategy that can improve your situation. Instead of focusing on your Ws irrational and erratic actions, spend time on this bulletin board, post frequently (even if you are not getting replies), read the DB and DR books. As you have seen already, your wife is not going to be receptive to anything right now. Use this time to work on yourself.

Can you identify any issues you had in the relationship, please? Also, since it has been a while since your first (and only) post - as far as I can tell - can you reply with a brief update on your situation?

Best of luck,

RAI


Me 48 XW 45
lots o' kids
D April 2017
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Also, you may want to update your signature, so other users know something about your situation.

RAI


Me 48 XW 45
lots o' kids
D April 2017

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

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