Newcomer Living in Hell 2

[bravo61]

came through the door of my apt this am and hit by a wave of anguish. the realization that this is my life, an empty (of love) apt in a strange city. the love of my life has abandoned me and i have no hope. i actually feel the worst that i ever have! why God? why? slowly sinking in the pit of hell....

[raliced]

Bravo- You need to make your own hope. Pick yourself up and stop relying on your wife to make you happy. You're in a new city? That's a great opportunity. Get out. See the sights. Check out Meetup and see if there are any groups that interest you. Are you really empty of love? You have children - I bet they have lots of love to give. Focus on them right now.

[bravo61]

Ral,
you r right of course. just sometimes it hits you, you know? my schedule REALLY makes it hard to get out. i did buy a book about my new city (portland-boo!) for the sights. i soak up as much of my kids as i can. my problem is the sense of abandonment (my biggest fear and the root of all my anger, self worth issues stemming from childhood). thanks for the gut check.

[bravo61]

and Ral,
funny thing is i'm almost the flip side of the coin from you. i'm the LEO, W is the WAS. we made a cross country move-her 10 months before me. there is no OM, she just refuses to give me an opportunity to make things right.

[Rick1963]

My buddy Eric wrote this over MLC thread. Read it a few times... Be good to yourself

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2435116#Post2435116

[raliced]

I know - I've had that thought too, reading your sitch. Look- Portland is beautiful. You're close to the Oregon coast, which is spectacular....Microbreweries - wine tasting...sporting opportunities (my family is originally from that part of the country so I'm very familiar). Go check out Seattle. The southern part of Oregon is only 4 hours a way and there's all kinds of great things to do there as well. I'm a big believer in getting out doors when you're blue. I know the scheduling thing is hard (personally I think its been a huge factor in my STBX's depression and the distance that developed between us). Take good physical care of yourself rightnow - and watch out for badge bunnies! You're particularly vulnerable at the moment.

[bravo61]

you now the saying right, your badge will get you girls but the girls will get you badge.
Rick thanks for that post!

[raliced]

One more thing Bravo- take a hard look at that quote on your signature line. Is that really a reflection of how you view the situation? Because that's the road to unhappiness right now. I know you've heard it on here a zillion times, but you need to focus on finding happiness and love from within right now - your wife can't give it to you

[bravo61]

its more a reminder of the person i need to be to those around me that care about me. but i know that she is not responsible for my happiness-i am. i would like to be able to, someday, share that with her as she is really hurting beacuase of my actions and her own choices. but that is what she has to deal with-not me. she decided a long time ago that she could make me happy and by making me happy, she would find self-worth. but she couldn't, and here we are.

[bravo61]

so after the W angry outburst the other night i didn't figure i would hear or talk to her for a while. she actually texted me last night to see if i wanted to say goodnight to my S. i called and talked to him for a minute and then spoke to her for a couple of minutes. asked her if she had a good day and her work. we ironed some childcare issues out. she was pleasant and laughed a couple of times. she then brought up that she doublechecked that our reservation for Christmas eve dinner went through (it did). i do know that she spent a LOT of time on facebook and skype yesterday (not snooping). she had put skype on my computer and made two accounts (one for her laptop) so it notifies my that she is on. just a curiousity. i know she had mentioned a couple of days ago that if i wasn't working she would've wanted us to all go T or Tng together. she said that she would try to bring the kids by before i go to work so i can be the first "house" they treat at. i'm also about to be indisposed the next two weeks for a training class so that will put a hamper on her work/social calendar. she did say that if i came home at night, i was welcome to take them out to dinner. not sure that includes her or not but whatever. this will be the first time since i've moved here that i wasn't available to all of them. who knows, maybe i'll be missed by ALL of them. nah.