I am slowly building my confidence, but it is not to the point where it needs to be. Perhaps it has never been as strong as it should, but in certain aspects of my life I feel almost cocky. I just need to level my own playing field. I am working on that. Today, I just reached a personal goal. I have dropped 40 pounds and added a bit of muscle, in the last year. I physically feel better than I have in over 15 years. I feel strong, and I feel fast. That is helping me a lot. Plus, my clothes fit a whole lot better.....well, my "new clothes" fit better...haha
La, it is good to hear from you. I am MUCH more at peace. My anger hasn't been an issue at all. My original post here was misleading. It really does boil down to HURT. I am still hurting, but mostly when I am reminded about the past, or how the whole separation/moving on process happened. I definitely have some abandonment feelings. This is why I choose to, "keep my hand out of the fire", like JS described. If I keep W out of my thoughts and daily life, the hurt seems to be less.
In regards to being Artistic, YES! I love art. Actually, if asked, I bet the majority of my friends would list "artistic" in their top 3 words describing me. At one point in time, my artwork was part of my daily work life. It is interesting what we perceive, from a few paragraphs or a little insight. We don't really get the whole picture. Here are a couple more things, that you perhaps would never guess about me. 1) I received a scholarship to play College football. 2) I own a glue gun and a box of craft supplies, that my daughter and I use on a regular basis. 3) I have a list of helpful hairstyle hints for little girls, saved on my pinterest. I can even French braid! 4) I don't have a single hair on my head, but I often have a scruffy face 5) In high school, I was voted "class clown" 3 out of the 4 years I attended, only being beat out by my girlfriend during my sophomore year 6) I used a chainsaw yesterday, to repair a log cabin 7) I drive a school bus in the winter, not because I need the money, but because I love kids and I want to make a difference in their lives. 8) I make a wicked...and I mean WICKED Spaghetti sauce from scratch. 9) Very few people believe it, when I tell them my age. I'm not sure if I look young, or if I still act like a child...either way, I take it as a compliment 10) I am a better man today, than I have ever been in my life!
Digesting the “Journey from Abandonment to Healing” might be helpful if you haven’t already done so. I read it through once and have since begun to slowly consume it. I am finding it personally helpful. It has given me insight to some of the behaviors X exhibited and how I contributed to them during our marriage.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
I asked for some vacation time with daughter. Wife and I agreed to 7 days a year in our parenting plan. Wife took hers this past summer, and I was completely obliging. Actually, she took another one during her parenting week. We have a 50/50 schedule with week on week off, but we also have a mid week visit from 3 to 7pm during the other parents week. I agreed to move my visitation day to another time, as not to disrupt their full trip. Last week, during Daughters B-day, I agreed to letting wife bring daughter home later than described in our parenting plan. I want to be reasonable and compromising with her, as we will have co-parenting requests like this for YEARS. When I made my vacation request with wife, things did not go easily. I asked for time during Christmas vacation from school, as that is a time when D and I are both without work and school responsibilities. I explained that it would not affect our normal holiday schedule or mid week visitations. I simply had the time to spend with D, and I wanted to use my vacation days. I was just asking for a yes or a no, and I expressed that I would understand either way. I was met with terms, conditions and complaints about it taking time away from W during a Holiday. Every reason under the son, without a yes or a no answer. I kept validating, but re-addressing my request. "I understand your feelings and concerns. please consider it, and let me know if I can or cannot have her". This gets better. She then declined my request, saying "I will swap weeks with you, so you can have D on those days, and I will have her for New years instead. Then you can keep your vacation days for some other time". I held my ground and expressed that this was my request for vacation days, not a negotiation to re-arrange our parenting schedule. I said, "disregard my request. I am not angry, just frustrated. I will simply make other plans". She kept the badgering going, and I kept calm and cool....but Geeeez, some peoples perspective.
Today, I will make a great Thursday! Positive thoughts and good spirits....I think I can, I think I can, I think....
I am slowly building my confidence, but it is not to the point where it needs to be. Perhaps it has never been as strong as it should, but in certain aspects of my life I feel almost cocky. I just need to level my own playing field. I am working on that. Today, I just reached a personal goal. I have dropped 40 pounds and added a bit of muscle, in the last year. I physically feel better than I have in over 15 years. I feel strong, and I feel fast. That is helping me a lot. Plus, my clothes fit a whole lot better.....well, my "new clothes" fit better...haha
La, it is good to hear from you. I am MUCH more at peace. My anger hasn't been an issue at all. My original post here was misleading. It really does boil down to HURT. I am still hurting, but mostly when I am reminded about the past, or how the whole separation/moving on process happened. I definitely have some abandonment feelings. This is why I choose to, "keep my hand out of the fire", like JS described. If I keep W out of my thoughts and daily life, the hurt seems to be less.
In regards to being Artistic, YES! I love art. Actually, if asked, I bet the majority of my friends would list "artistic" in their top 3 words describing me. At one point in time, my artwork was part of my daily work life. It is interesting what we perceive, from a few paragraphs or a little insight. We don't really get the whole picture. Here are a couple more things, that you perhaps would never guess about me. 1) I received a scholarship to play College football. 2) I own a glue gun and a box of craft supplies, that my daughter and I use on a regular basis. 3) I have a list of helpful hairstyle hints for little girls, saved on my pinterest. I can even French braid! 4) I don't have a single hair on my head, but I often have a scruffy face 5) In high school, I was voted "class clown" 3 out of the 4 years I attended, only being beat out by my girlfriend during my sophomore year 6) I used a chainsaw yesterday, to repair a log cabin 7) I drive a school bus in the winter, not because I need the money, but because I love kids and I want to make a difference in their lives. 8) I make a wicked...and I mean WICKED Spaghetti sauce from scratch. 9) Very few people believe it, when I tell them my age. I'm not sure if I look young, or if I still act like a child...either way, I take it as a compliment 10) I am a better man today, than I have ever been in my life!
Great post!
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I would be giving up celebrating with daughter on New Years!
Here is my vacation sitch. As you probably know, I am involved in our family business. During the summer months, I go 7 days a week and don't have time for vacations. During the winter, I work for a school district, and I am somewhat locked into taking time off when school is out, Winter break, spring break, that sort of thing. This is why I asked for this particular vacation time from W. Daughter and I would both be home, not working, no school and I wouldn't have to take time off without pay. It just makes sense. And again, wife has already taken her 7 days. I was simply asking for her to return the favor, based on our parenting plan. I wasn't approaching her to negotiate an additional vacation for her, even before I had my initial vacation scheduled. If she would have said, "NO", I could have stomached it better. Her terms, conditions and negotiating is what really puts me off. She makes me feel like she is doing me a favor, and she needs something in return for her efforts. That isn't the case at all.
S - The part I don't understand is why she needs to "approve" your vacation. Isn't it your right as a parent?
My STBXH and I each get 1 week vacation at the time of our choosing, regardless of who is with the kids those days. We just need to notify each other at least 60 days in advance and do it at a time when the kids are not in school.
The only way the other parent could say "no" would be if they had already "reserved" that time for their own family vacation.
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
We also cannot plan our vacation during the main holidays - xmas, thanksgiving, easter and birthdays.
Are you trying to take them during xmas? if you are not be infringing on her holiday, I don't understand what her specific complains / concerns are.
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
Our schedule is set up similar to yours. We each get a week of vacation, to use at our discretion. We also need to give adequate notice. However, We didn't set any strict structure into the "okaying" of it. Our plan was to ask for the time, and if it works, great. That is how wife treated her vacation this summer. She asked. My reply was "sure, enjoy your trip". They went to a family reunion.
I am not asking for Holiday time. Daughter will still spend Christmas eve with me, and Christmas day with W. However, wife views the entire 2 weeks off from school as, "the holidays". That is where we ran into the first obstacle. Wife also says, "you will be taking her away from me for 3 whole weeks" There are two problems with this. First, I won't be taking her away. She will still see daughter on Christmas. She will also see daughter on her normal visitation days, which are every Thursday during my weeks. The biggest thing she disregards is, I went for the same amount of time, without seeing daughter, during her vacation. Actually, I saw her even less, because there was no Holiday in the middle that vacation.
Her unreasonable approach of replying, was to dismiss my request all together, and make ANOTHER request of her own. She wants me to put my vacation time on hold, for another time that better suits her. On top of that, she has asked me to switch our normal parenting weeks with each other, so that she can take daughter on a vacation of her own. Her perspective of what is fair, absolutely baffles me. I don't get it
