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Welcome to the board

Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.

The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy (DR) book by MWD
http://www.mcssl.com/store/mwdtc2014/
http://divorcebusting.com/sample_book_chapters.htm

You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts
(for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support).
Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active,
and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down.
Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come!
Most important - POST!

Get out and Get a Life (GAL).

DETACH.


Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.

Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:

I would start with Sandi's Rules
A list of dos and don'ts for the LBS (left behind spouse)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553072#Post2553072

Going Dark
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=50956#Post5095

Detachment thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538414#Post2538414

Validation Cheat Sheet: Techniques and tips on how to validate (showing your walk away spouse (WAS) that you recognize and accept his or her opinions as valid, even if you do not agree with them)
(http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2534754&page=1).

Boundaries Cheat Sheet
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2536096#Post2536096

Abbreviations
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553153#Post2553153

For Newcomer LBH with a Wayward Wife by sandi2
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2545554#Post2545554

Resource thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...224#Post2578224

Stages of the LBS
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1964990&page=1

Validation
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=191764#Post191764

Pursuit and Distance
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2483574#Post2483574

The Lighthouse Story
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2484619#Post2484619

Your H or W is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.
USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon


Me-70, D37,S36
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Bela Offline OP
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My apologies for the ignorance on the abbreviations..i'm trying to find what they mean. I am working on doing more things for me slowly. I just took on a second job so i can become a little more finacially independant. I am also working on having repairs done to the house without his help.


Me:38
H:38
s11, d16
m12
bd 8/22/14
still living together
Bela #2578704 06/16/15 01:32 AM
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Good for you!


Was made a better person by DB'ers
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Bela Offline OP
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Thank you.


Me:38
H:38
s11, d16
m12
bd 8/22/14
still living together
Bela #2578786 06/16/15 12:08 PM
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Originally Posted By: Bela
My apologies for the ignorance on the abbreviations..i'm trying to find what they mean.

Did you find the abbreviations link in the homework above?
It is the sixth link down.


Me-70, D37,S36
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Bela Offline OP
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Yes i did, thank you. this time i saved them to my computer lol


Me:38
H:38
s11, d16
m12
bd 8/22/14
still living together
Bela #2579054 06/17/15 02:16 AM
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Bela, I can't tell you how many times I have to look things up on that list. It is right at the top of the newcomers forum too in case you lose it.

GAL, getting a life. It's great that you're fixing the house and getting more independent. Is there anything fun that you can do for you? Can you take walks, classes, meetups? What do you like to do?


M 46 / H 43
T 24/M 18
S 4
11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY
1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom
1/8/2016 H moved out

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Bela Offline OP
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I do some small things for myself. When I have time I go for short walks around my house. I don't do a ton of stuff yet. After all this happened last year i get high anxiety when i'm gone from the house for to long even if i'm with the kids, exception is work, so i'm doing little things. I have started reading again and working on my blanket project for my daughter and soon to arrive grandbaby.

I have also contacted a church that has support classes for separated/divorced ppl. Still waiting to hear on that.


Me:38
H:38
s11, d16
m12
bd 8/22/14
still living together
Bela #2579167 06/17/15 02:34 PM
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I have also contacted a church that has support classes for separated/divorced ppl. Still waiting to hear on that

This is a great idea. I just completed phase 1 and it helped me a lot.


H: 49
W: 47
D: 6
M: 6 1/2 yrs
H: Bomb #1 6-2010
H: Bomb #2 7-2011
H: Separated: 7-11-11
Reconciling 2-2012
Separated: 1-31-15 (I asked him to move out)
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Bela Offline OP
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i'm hoping it will help to get over the anxiety but also add some coping skills. I'm also going to re read the books as a refresher. I want to move out but I don't have a place to take the kids and realistically i want to keep my house.


Me:38
H:38
s11, d16
m12
bd 8/22/14
still living together
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