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Jefe - Need help, The full story #2496325
10/11/14 11:07 PM
10/11/14 11:07 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,102
Dallas, TX
J
Jefe Offline OP
Member
Jefe  Offline OP
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,102
Dallas, TX
Oh, where to start. I'm not positive she's with a man at the moment. There is OM1 and a possible OM2. I hadn't really wanted to go this route but I am seeing that we may have to.

My wife's father left her mother (never married) before the wife was born and never spoke to her or acknowledged her again. My father left when I was 4 and I have had next to no contact with him since. I was sexually abused as a young child and I believe my wife was as well.

Now on to the story...

When I first met my current wife I was still married to my first wife. W1 and I had a horrible relationship and we did everything wrong to each other. She had affairs - I had addictions, there was no God to speak of and we were poisonous towards one another. We had separated before and it looked like we were going to divorce for sure. She would constantly denigrate me and accuse me of cheating or "going to the topless bar', on a near daily basis. Neither of which I was doing. It got to the point that I was contemplating having an affair since I was constantly in trouble for it anyway.

My current wife, (W2) was the cousin of a close friend and co-worker. She came in to apply for a job where I worked and I was spellbound. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. Eventually we discussed that we had a mutual attraction for one another. We met at the bar down the street one day after work and she told me that there was absolutely no way we were even going to have any further discussions past work related topics as long as I was still together with W1.

Initially, I had absolutely no desire to leave my marriage even though it was pretty bad and W1's sexual indiscretions were becoming more and more problematic and less hidden. W1 would constantly tell me day after day how sorry I was going to be when she left me, "you know I'm leaving you soon" or "I'm going to leave you and take everything". I must admit that after future W2 expressed interest in me, I had little interest in working on what I viewed to be a hopeless situation. So one day when the berating started, I packed a bag and left and moved into my rehearsal studio for 30-45 days or more.

It was at this time that future W2 and I started dating and that she brought me right to God's doorstep.

I am not proud of how I handled my first marriage at the time, how I left or how I dealt with W1. God was obviously not pleased with me either because I was in fact still married and he certainly did not bless the union between future W2 and I, as we were split-up in about 8 months.

During our split, I made amends to W1 and we patched some wounds and repaired some hurts, completed our divorce and left things on a better note. The now xW even offered some counsel on how to possibly win W2 back. Even going as far as saying that she released me, and now that the divorce was complete she expected that I might find favor in a relationship with W2.

About 2 months after I split with future W2 she called me letting me know that she was pregnant and that the "father" (we'll call him Baby Daddy or OM1 for short) basically kicked her to the curb and denied the child. (In hindsight, he had another girlfriend that he already had another child with and she was also pregnant with their 2nd at about the same duration as future w1, so he was cake eating). I still had strong feelings for the future wife so I offered to take her back and raise the child as my own. Future W2 resisted at first and even ran back to OM1 once before he kicked her to the curb again.

During this time, I had lost a ton of weight, sobered up (briefly) and had really worked on myself. I worked hard at winning her back. My xW1 even called future W2 asking her what was wrong with her for not jumping on this opportunity. (Not my idea at all, xW1 did this without my knowledge or request) After that call, future W2 decided that maybe this was the best course. We were married 4 months later. And D7 was born later that year.

OM1 has been a sticking point our entire marriage as we have never agreed on the best course of action. She wanted full disclosure from day one and since he refused to speak to her or knowledge the child she wanted to sue him for paternity. I wanted to just explain things when D7 got older and just let her have an intact family without all the drama. I was there at her birth, I'm on the birth certificate and she has my last name. She still to this day does not understand that I am not her father. Even though W2 attempted to explain it to her this past June.

Until 2011 the only contact with baby daddy / OM1 has been through his extended family. His mother, and sister mainly. Towards the end of 2011 W2 and I separated. I was very similar to this time and while we were apart she admitted to having an affair. She explained it as a one night thing. I have always suspected it was with OM1 becuase about a month after we started piecing she mentioned that OM1 and her had been talking about him visiting D7. When I found this out I politely asked her to please not have direct communication with him (partly because of my suspicions) and only schedule visits through his mother and that when the visited that it was never with the two of them alone. She agreed and deleted him from her phone on the spot.

In 2012 we struggled briefly and separated over visitation with OM1. Last year we almost separated because in working the steps with her sponsor, W2 realized we got married for the wrong reasons and she wanted out, then she decided she didn't.

At the beginning of this year W2 informed me that OM1's mother was moving out of state and she would have to deal with OM1 directly. I was not very thrilled with this idea but what could I do? At that time we had agreed on quarterly visits that were always in a neutral location although my wife was pushing for more.

Seriously so far this year our relationship had been really good. Or at least I thought so. Even with the minor hiccups.

In June W2 decided that she wanted to tell D7 the truth about OM1 and she wanted to do it right now. I wanted to wait until we sought counsel first but W2 not only insisted but she did it without me even being there for my daughter. Mind you, D7 thinks I am her only father at this point. I lost my cool and we had a big fight. After this I had been waiting for some strife to come my way and was starting to get very concerned by July as my wife was starting to become more and more stealthy and secretive with her conversations and her phone in general.

Jump to the evening of Aug 4. I came home late from work. I got the kids in bed and came to the living room where the wife asked if I was going to take a shower. A cue that she wanted to ML. When I got out of the shower her phone was on the nightstand going off. I grabbed it on my way to the living room when I looked down at the screen. A strange notification was on it that cause me to look and that is when I found the picture of OM1's erect penis in a message with both of them exchanging comments about what they'd like to do to each other. I brought the phone out with me and asked: "Do you want to tell me about your boyfriend?" She replied: "I can explain!" then started to back pedal until I showed her the picture. She violently responded, snatched the phone and hit me in the head on her way out of the room. She was gone the next day. I confirmed it was OM1 the next week and I'm pretty sure it was OM1 she had the affair with a couple of years back.

At this point OM1 is still with the same shack up girlfriend he had 7-8 years ago. His GF just had their 3rd child Sept 2nd (meaning they were sexting while she was pregnant). I dont think there has been a PA with OM1 but she did attempt to send a photo of D7 to OM1 using my phone last week and then tried to hide it. Which was a point of contention today.

We had been working towards reconciliation from about 2 weeks after BD until about September 5th or so. Before I found this place I had been watching the phone logs and knew she had met a possible OM2 that weekend and they had exchanged over 112 texts in a 6 day span. Over 65 in one night from 11:30 to 2 in the morning. So my suspensions were running high especially since she was starting to pull back away. Some other things were going on during that time frame that didn't help the situation.

And here we are today worse off than ever before.

The point behind this wall of text is to completely explain the dynamics of my situation as best I can. I still want my wife back home as much for me as for our children.

I am hoping to not answer this thread but just continue with my main thread here:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2495993#Post2495993


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: Jefe - Need help, The full story [Re: Jefe] #2497253
10/15/14 01:33 PM
10/15/14 01:33 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,080
NY
Cadet Offline
Member
Cadet  Offline
Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,080
NY
Originally Posted By: Jefe
I am hoping to not answer this thread but just continue with my main thread here:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2495993#Post2495993


OK - I agree keep posting on the thread linked above

I quoted this post there too, still not sure why you posted it here?


Me-65, D33,S32

Moderated by  Virginia 

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